SELF VALIDATION?

What does it take for you to feel validated as succesful?  Is it size, weight, complements?  All of the above?  None of the above? 

Anyone *****ads anything I write knows I'm a nutter with some major body image issues.  I can see pics of me at 285 lbs and say damn I look good.  Yet today I see a huge cow in the mirror.  Even my current siggy pic is to remind me I have gained weight. 

I'm having a particularly hard time this week because It's my birthday on the 28th and I'm a few pounds above my low weight.  Age is not an issue.  I love turning 49, a minute away from my half century mark.  Its just that I wanted to be at goal on my last birthday but did not get there for another six months.  Staying there has been the impossible dream with this irratic weight gain I go through. 

Soooo, what's my point?  Well yesterday I noticed a man furtively watching me.  He was respectfully appraising me favorably and as I left, he and another gentleman were quietly glancing and commenting.  It was all positive.  Of course I've been complimented at any size, but I have never been one who turns heads. 

I was out with another OH'er earlier who told me I looked good.  Here again was validation from total strangers.  Why can't I see it?  I've always demanded a lot of myself in all areas of my life but this is as simple as seeing what others see. 

Anyone else have this problem?  Is self validaion really that damned difficult? 

I have an issue with people noticing anything about me.   If I wear something new or wear my hair down and someone says anything like you have on new jeans or you look nice it annoys the **** out of me and immediately put my hair in a bun or change.   I honestly think it is why I  dress like a bum and wear a bun.

When I was thin I was forever wearing that USA hoodie that i'm sure you have all seen in many pics to cover myself up, and I wore huge jeans with shorts under them.


I have such head issues,  lol..   I seriously need to think about seeing someone.

We all know you're as big a head case as I am.  I would love to see you showing yourself off.  You deserve the compliments. 

I feel where you're coming from because I go through this daily and the only people that see me is my dd, ds and hubby.  I think that my weight gain is a self-fulfilling prophecy because when I was fat, I constantly put myself down and called myself a cow, elephant, hippo etc. When I look back at my pictures, I did not get fat until about 8 years ago because before then I was a size 18/20 which is not bad for my height, 6'3 but I thought I was a size 28/30 and I soon became that size.

Now that I lost to below my goal, I still saw the fat woman in the mirror. I was happy when I could fit into 8/10's even though I was hospitalized for malnutrition and people thought that I had cancer or something. I have gained  14 lbs from my lowest  weight which was 171 and I feel like a cow again at 184. I constantly think that I'm one meal from 355 again. My whole family is so happy that I've put on weight because they said I had that sick look but I'm sooo scared because I can't get my eating under control and my exercise is not good. I started using what I had in the house to exercise last week and now my sciatic nerve is inflamed and I'm in soooo much pain. I don't want to have another self-fulfilling prophecy by becoming fat again. The bible says,(paraphrasing Prov. 23:7) As a man thinketh so is he. I have to have a mind changing in my life.

Okay that was long but MSW congrats on turning those heads and keep strutting your stuff because you look great.

Thanks luv!  Like MsLee and myself, you too are another certified head case.  So slender the modeling industry will soon be asking you for staying thin advice. 

I'm sorry you're having pain again.  I don't no anything about sciatic nerve issues but I can modify a workout based on ability.  Call me if you want to talk about options.  I'm always researching exercise for people with health issues. 

Hmmm. Interesting question.  I love that feeling when someone tells me they can tell weight is coming off...but dammit I still never see it! 

My old bench mark was the number on the scale.  These days even with the scale not making drastic movements my sizes are getting smaller.

So for me, today its all about the clothes sizes.  Ask me tomorrow and the answer might change.

Hey MsMichelle.  Now you are not a head case.  Your response gives me something to think about.  Thanks luv. 

I enjoyed most of the attention when the weight was coming off, and then that got old and I tired of answering the same questions about how I lost the weight and a constant count of how much.  But I also realized that was motivational and validating.  I guess for me, I pay attention to sizes more than weight, because I think I always weigh more than I look like.  But in my head if go down yet another size that i won't look as healthy regardless of how much I weigh.  I'm pleased with the weight loss and my body overall, even the sad saggy girlz!  I knew things would change with the wls, and i would much rather be here in this 52 year old, sagging body 130 lbs lighter than where I was two years ago.  LOVE THYSELF!

J

It must feel good to be comfortable right where you are.  My self luv borders on narcisism regardless of my being more fat or less fat.  Its my minds eye that keeps viewing myself as bigger and bigger.  When I was at my largest this was never an issue.