new dating rule for 2011...
Hey Donnie 
,
I am only going to loosely interpret what you mean. I was actually thinking about something similar (I think) the other day being that I am in an interracial relationship. I have only been in relationships with bruthas up until this point. My ex husband and I really tried to make it work....yet we simply were not compatible when it was all said and done. Our mistake...we moved too fast at the beginning. The only thing that I can say is that I have finally ran across someone who finally "gets" me and has stood by me in trying times...and me by him. We communicate AND we have so many good drama free times together. We keep it nice and mellow. The one thing I realize is that he does not push my buttons and I don't push his ...and we do not clash or have a battle of the wills so to speak. We simply do everything to help one another. Think about the other person first...it just works. We also have A LOT of common interests which makes it great! I asked myself...why could I not be more accepting of my ex husband. Bottomline...he just did not want to do right...so I got tired of putting up with the BS. I held on for as long as I could for him to want to do right by his family. He still harps on how I gave up too soon on US. I know back in the day....women would just take and take and take it all. I am not made from that same clothe...
It made me wonder about the state of affairs when it comes to the black family. Are we doomed? Looks like more and more sisters and brutha are exploring other dating/marriage opportunity outside of their ethnicity and actually finding something that works for them. Why is this happening? For me...I have found my boyfriend to be more sensitive, understanding and commitment minded than I have experienced in the past. Not saying that there are not any sensitive and understanding and unselfish brothers & Sisters out there who "get" each other (there are many successful black marriages/relationships) but I just could not find one to mesh with me....so I took the lead from other and increased my dating pool. My ex had no interest in hiking and I had no interest in partying until dawn...among other things.
Is it the fact that in general there is JUST TOO much drama when two of "us" get together because as a whole "our" experience is more difficult than our lighter skinned counterparts. Does it take one of us to have less baggage or drama to sort of balance it out. Maybe...it really has little to do with color but the fact that we need to find a balance when it comes to the baggage each party brings into the relationship. I know that there are some white couples that go at it too. I know I have my own baggage but my boyfriends baggage is in a different area...so it does not phase either of us at all or cause conflict.
While my baggage might center around having difficulty trusting based on my past abuse...his baggage might be something to the effect of no longer being an athlete because of an injury...so he has to deal with the grief of that event. See....too totally different issues.
I have been in relationships and both of us had issues trusting, both of us had anger, both of us had grief, both of us has insecurities....the list goes on. This can never work. I think we as a people need to be in a HUGE revival type therapy session ...LOL. to learn how to address and support one another in spite of our common difficult life experiences.
I also think that it really takes two GROWN mature people who believe in communication and really value the other to make something last....
I know its not just a black issue....but it does discourage me...when I think about.
Regardless and with all that being said. You should DO YOU and be happy!
,I am only going to loosely interpret what you mean. I was actually thinking about something similar (I think) the other day being that I am in an interracial relationship. I have only been in relationships with bruthas up until this point. My ex husband and I really tried to make it work....yet we simply were not compatible when it was all said and done. Our mistake...we moved too fast at the beginning. The only thing that I can say is that I have finally ran across someone who finally "gets" me and has stood by me in trying times...and me by him. We communicate AND we have so many good drama free times together. We keep it nice and mellow. The one thing I realize is that he does not push my buttons and I don't push his ...and we do not clash or have a battle of the wills so to speak. We simply do everything to help one another. Think about the other person first...it just works. We also have A LOT of common interests which makes it great! I asked myself...why could I not be more accepting of my ex husband. Bottomline...he just did not want to do right...so I got tired of putting up with the BS. I held on for as long as I could for him to want to do right by his family. He still harps on how I gave up too soon on US. I know back in the day....women would just take and take and take it all. I am not made from that same clothe...
It made me wonder about the state of affairs when it comes to the black family. Are we doomed? Looks like more and more sisters and brutha are exploring other dating/marriage opportunity outside of their ethnicity and actually finding something that works for them. Why is this happening? For me...I have found my boyfriend to be more sensitive, understanding and commitment minded than I have experienced in the past. Not saying that there are not any sensitive and understanding and unselfish brothers & Sisters out there who "get" each other (there are many successful black marriages/relationships) but I just could not find one to mesh with me....so I took the lead from other and increased my dating pool. My ex had no interest in hiking and I had no interest in partying until dawn...among other things.
Is it the fact that in general there is JUST TOO much drama when two of "us" get together because as a whole "our" experience is more difficult than our lighter skinned counterparts. Does it take one of us to have less baggage or drama to sort of balance it out. Maybe...it really has little to do with color but the fact that we need to find a balance when it comes to the baggage each party brings into the relationship. I know that there are some white couples that go at it too. I know I have my own baggage but my boyfriends baggage is in a different area...so it does not phase either of us at all or cause conflict.
While my baggage might center around having difficulty trusting based on my past abuse...his baggage might be something to the effect of no longer being an athlete because of an injury...so he has to deal with the grief of that event. See....too totally different issues.
I have been in relationships and both of us had issues trusting, both of us had anger, both of us had grief, both of us has insecurities....the list goes on. This can never work. I think we as a people need to be in a HUGE revival type therapy session ...LOL. to learn how to address and support one another in spite of our common difficult life experiences.
I also think that it really takes two GROWN mature people who believe in communication and really value the other to make something last....
I know its not just a black issue....but it does discourage me...when I think about.
Regardless and with all that being said. You should DO YOU and be happy!
LEE
on 1/11/11 6:09 am
on 1/11/11 6:09 am
Dam MD you are a long winded ass, but you hit some points I agree with.
I have been with brown (black) and with light brown (Puerto Rican), but my PR mommie is more white than PR and she is a very level headed lady. Don't get me wrong she has that PR attitude and fight about her ass but it is never, ever toward me.
We are 2 of the most mellow people you could ever meet. The only time we have ever had any problems was when we tried to have friends this one summer. I tell you we fought more in that dam 4 months than we ever have in our life together, and after we realized what the hell was going on we dropped them *****es and have been just as happy ever since.
I can't really speak on that whole "unnatural" male/female thing, but I can see my black friends and tell that that is some drama I don't want. The women act like crazed ass detectives and the men act like trifflin, cheating ass wanna be playas. White unnatural couples I know, there is non of that.
Don't ask me what i'm saying cause i'm not sure what the hell i'm saying, except for the fact that white couple "I" know tend to get along a lot better than the black ones.
I'm just saying, don't get mad at me damit....
I have been with brown (black) and with light brown (Puerto Rican), but my PR mommie is more white than PR and she is a very level headed lady. Don't get me wrong she has that PR attitude and fight about her ass but it is never, ever toward me.
We are 2 of the most mellow people you could ever meet. The only time we have ever had any problems was when we tried to have friends this one summer. I tell you we fought more in that dam 4 months than we ever have in our life together, and after we realized what the hell was going on we dropped them *****es and have been just as happy ever since.
I can't really speak on that whole "unnatural" male/female thing, but I can see my black friends and tell that that is some drama I don't want. The women act like crazed ass detectives and the men act like trifflin, cheating ass wanna be playas. White unnatural couples I know, there is non of that.
Don't ask me what i'm saying cause i'm not sure what the hell i'm saying, except for the fact that white couple "I" know tend to get along a lot better than the black ones.
I'm just saying, don't get mad at me damit....
Salty Pickle a.k.a. Lee
I did not get it so I didn't respond when I first read the post. If its the mixed couple thing, well that's all righ too. Is the Black family doomed? I say hell no.
Personally, I have a strong preference for large dark skinned Black men although I have dated Hispanics and mixed Blacks. Having grown up and lived my entire life in mixed communities, often times more white than Black, I can tell you other folks have just as much bull**** and drama.
What I do find is that mixed race couples seem to work harder. Given race is a factor working against them from the outside, they seem to try to eliminate the petty nonsense within. I know screwed up folks of all persuasions. We often focus on dysfunctional Black families because its what we see daily.
Where men and women are concerned you will love who you love. Having seen as many or more dysfunctional white families than Black ones, I don't expect better should I ever find a white guy that floats my boat.
But, that glow in the dark thing? A little to crepy for me. Like having a human night light. Perhaps I should stick to brown or better.
Personally, I have a strong preference for large dark skinned Black men although I have dated Hispanics and mixed Blacks. Having grown up and lived my entire life in mixed communities, often times more white than Black, I can tell you other folks have just as much bull**** and drama.
What I do find is that mixed race couples seem to work harder. Given race is a factor working against them from the outside, they seem to try to eliminate the petty nonsense within. I know screwed up folks of all persuasions. We often focus on dysfunctional Black families because its what we see daily.
Where men and women are concerned you will love who you love. Having seen as many or more dysfunctional white families than Black ones, I don't expect better should I ever find a white guy that floats my boat.
But, that glow in the dark thing? A little to crepy for me. Like having a human night light. Perhaps I should stick to brown or better.
MSW Roux-En-Y Gastric Bypass: Eat sensibly & enjoy moderation
Links: Are you a compulsive eater? for help OA meets on-line Keep Coming Back, One Day At a Time Overeaters Anonymous
L
V'N MY RNY. WORKING FOR ME BECAUSE I WORK FOR IT.
LEE
on 1/11/11 8:42 am
on 1/11/11 8:42 am
I know I have said this before but I grew up in a all white area and we were the only black family in the dam area. Besides them burning crosses on our lawn, throwing bricks through our windows, letting air out of our tires, kidnapping and shooting my baby brother and calling us the "N" word on every occassion they were quiet. LOL. Never heard any arguing or yelling and screaming out of their houses.
Buttttt... as soon as I visited family in the black areas, there was always some couple fighting and cussing, and someone was always dogging someone's husband for being a dog....on and on and on.
Buttttt... as soon as I visited family in the black areas, there was always some couple fighting and cussing, and someone was always dogging someone's husband for being a dog....on and on and on.
Salty Pickle a.k.a. Lee
Some of my neighbors put up a good front in public but called us 'N' around the dinner table. Most were decent people. Besides, it was like 60/40. More than enough of us to fight back. 
I'll give the pink folks this much. The middle class keep their personal dirt off the front lawn vs the trailor park set. Growing up playing in their homes it was a different story. They looked fine in public but their relationships could have made it on jerry springer.
I never saw that kind of **** in Black neighbors homes. I've been blessed. Even couples that were separated actd right in front of us kids. All I had was good examples.
I'll give the pink folks this much. The middle class keep their personal dirt off the front lawn vs the trailor park set. Growing up playing in their homes it was a different story. They looked fine in public but their relationships could have made it on jerry springer.
I never saw that kind of **** in Black neighbors homes. I've been blessed. Even couples that were separated actd right in front of us kids. All I had was good examples.
Lee...see I thought I was losing my mind. He does glow in the dark...
I just sprayed my monitor....Its time for me to call it a day. I am done.....but I will be watching his ass walk to the bathroom....just because YOU put the notion in my head!
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