Yep...while this is a good article...many folks will attest to the fact that some people in your life will turn against you after wls. I think its good to make an effort to keep people that you wholeheartedly know are supportive of you in your life BUT if someone is obviously trying to sabatage your success or degrade you....or otherwise jack up your self- esteem...it will be healthier in the long run to let go of those relationships or at least set boundaries so the person knows what behaviors you can not accept any longer  (i.e.derogatory comments about you, your weight or your wls, possessiveness or insecurity, verbal, physical or emotional abuse etc...Its a NEW YOU but please make sure that you have enough support around yourself to cope with the changes you will go through. Peace.   

How to Maintain Relationships After Weight Loss Surgery

By an eHow Contributor  

Losing weight after weight loss surgery is a great accomplishment. Although the impact of the patient's weight loss may be dramatic, their relationships may also be affected. The spouse, friends and family may begin to mourn the person they knew before weight loss surgery. Learn to maintain your relationships after weight loss surgery while enjoying the benefits of a trimmer body.

Instructions

1. Be considerate of your spouse, friends and family. They may have supported the surgery, but are unsure of how to react to a more confident and outgoing you. Accept the compliments initially, but try not to dwell on them.
    
2. Keep conversations diverse. Show concern and enthusiasm for what's going on with friends, family and the spouse. Don't talk to much about your weight loss success, as they may view it as being self-centered. Inquire about their interests and goals.
    
3. Include the spouse in new activities. When you were overweight, you probably were leery of new activities in the past. Now that you're willing to try new things, solicit fun activities from the spouse. Take turns at picking the next adventure.
    
4. Compliment your spouse. Let him know how much his support is appreciated or tell him how his encouragement helped during depressing times. Take the focus off you and put it on the spouse who may need reassurance.
    
5. Do something special. Buy that hard to find CD that the hubby's been talking about, purchase concert tickets to your wife's favorite artist or plan a romantic weekend away. The point is to do something that will make the spouse feel special, especially when there is no occasion to do so. Your new personality may make the spouse insecure about the relationship and small gestures like these are reassuring.
    
6. Listen. When friends and family express concerns about personality changes, listen to them and don't take offense. They may have valid points that are being overlooked. Changes are to be expected, but make sure the changes are positive.
    
7. Express empathy. The bottom line is that losing weight feels great, but the response from loved ones can be unpredictable. Go easy on them and gradually reveal your new personality over time. A little empathy will help maintain relationships after weight loss surgery.

 

  I know I'm a super ***** today cause as I read this I'm thinking "Don't like who I am today?  Well...  fkc u and the horse you rode in on. 

But seriously, good guidance for us all.  WLS changes us and those around us.  We will need to redefine many of our relationships. 

No MSW you are not being a Super ***** I am in that exact same place...that is NOW I am in that place.  I can't say I have been in that place...say a few years or heck even a few months ago....and it ebbs and flows depending on the hour....  It took a totally devastating blow for me to realize that its not worth me valuing others above myself. It takes a lot of growth to get to the point when you honestly don't give a dayum what others think or feel about you... I am not talking about casual relationships...don't matter if its your man, your mother, or even your children. Basically, its about being comfortable in ones own skin and self acceptance.  Its not about measuring ourselves against what others look like or are doing with their lives either. I joked the other day about wanting Halle's body but seriously...while I want to reach my goal...and I will keep at it....I am okay with where I am at today...not totally satisfied but okay....I am trying my best not to be self- deprecating (which can be so counterproductive) but appreciate myself for the strides that I have made. It makes a HUGE ...Monumental difference on my outlook and overall I feel so much better. Thanks for chiming in. I know others struggle in this area...so its good to hear that getting to that point of self actualization & authenticity is possible.      

Ayy yo,

Me being me, I saw your post a little bit differently.  My apologies in advance:


Be considerate of your spouse, friends and family.

Yeah right.  If they don't like the new you then tell those sunza*****ez to kick rocks.  If they can't get with the program tell to change the station; beat it or be seated.

Keep conversations diverse.

Sheeeeeeeeeeeeit! Talk about you, you, and YOU. Don't bother to show any concern whatsoever for what's going on with friends, family, and the spouse - trust me they're not that important really.  Talk very much about your weight loss success and suggest to them and suggest openly and boldy that they need to drop a pound or two themselves.  Fugg their goals.
 
Include the spouse in new activities.

That is if they have the stamina or interest, if not tell them to stay at home while you go out dancing alone. When you were overweight, you probably wanted to do the latest dances like the Hustle, the Smurf, and the Bankhead Bounce, but you couldn't.  After WLS you can breakdance with the best of them.  Ask your family and spouse their suggestions on which clubs you should hit next.
 
Compliment your spouse.

Tell him that his new socks make his ankles look slimming.  A little encouragement goes a long way you know.  Let him know how little his support is appreciated but that he should get up offa his lazy azz and make a lifestyle change for the better.  Take the focus off you and beat him over the head with it.
 
Do something special.

Buy yourself something extra special and very expensive, then brag that you bought it when he's sitting there at the dinner table going over the finances struggling to find an extra $300 to help keep the lights on in the place.  Show him where the candles and matches are kept just in case.  Small gestures like these are reassuring.
 
Listen.

When friends and family express concerns about personality changes, look at them, pretend to listen, and then say, "Good luck with that!" as you waltz off to start your day totally consumed with your own issues and thoughts.  If they take offense, look at them as if you gave the wrong Jeopardy answer and say, "What?!"  Remember it's their fault not yours.
  
Express empathy.

The bottom line is that losing weight feels great, but who cares how if your so-called friends and family don't like your new attitude.  They're probably overweight and need help too.  Remember this new journey is all about you, you, and YOU!

No apology needed !  Aye...I definitely like your spin on it! Hilarious! There were definitley some parts that I was taking with  a grain of salt too. I think the article is more geared for those people that have people in their lives that really are interested, want to be supportive and understanding...yet struggles with the change...just dont know how to cope. Unfortunately, we all know that those people are few and far between after WLS SO I totally agree with your take on it as well as the advice IF the people we are talking about are nothing but JEALOUS insecure A@@holes! However....you just need to be prepared to put up your dukes.  

@ all about you, you, and YOU!      Luv'n the way you think MrD_A

Hey Lisa.  It's interesting dealing with family, friends and co-workers after wls.  Most have been very interested and supportive of my journey from day one and now.  I surprisingly found the most difficulty and ill feelings from the one person closest to me, and I love the most.  My daughter!  Oh the hate and ill feelings that she has expressed!  I understand it however, for the most part anyway.  She is obese and has other health issues that she deals with.  But on several occasions she has blown up at me and screamed at me how I've changed and not the same since I've lost the weight.  She barely speaks to me unless she feels like it or needs something from me.  I try to not say much to her about wls or anything related to it because I don't want to argue with her.  I see how she just eats everything in large quantities that further adds on the lbs, but I don't dare say a thing because it will be taken as me thinking I'm an expert about all things weight related, and trying to tell her what to do.  I just continue to love her and let her know I care.

J

Hey J!

I imagine that is a rough one. its especially hard when you see your loved one suffering and feel so helpless to do anything about it. Is she against the surgery or is it an insurance issue?  Sometime wanted something so badly and not being able to get it....can make the jealousy even worse. You are doing the right thing...just by continuing to be there for her BUT I also think you need to let her know how her behavior makes you feel. You love her....but that does not mean that you should be taking any abuse from her because shes feels jealous. She knows that you understand based on the fact that you have walked in her shoes...so you can empathize with her situation.  I agree...best not to talk too much about WLS is you know nothing good will come out of it. I will pray that she can get the help she needs too.

L   

Mothers must always walkn on egg shells.  I understand your position all too well.  My daughter had wls before I did but she is still obese.  She does not work her tool.  She's only half way to her goal which is still very much over weight.  All we can do is try and bite our tounges while being supportive.  Biting this tounge of mine just ain't easy. 

i have to say, i must be feeling evil too because all i can think was well why should I!!! but you cant go through life fighting everybody, i didnt get any support when i was wobbling down the street! all i got was girl you need to lose some weight and sorry looks. But now the tables have turned, and i had to let a few relationships go, i had to prepare myself for weight loss and now i have to prepare other people too! its a good article though, something to think about....