When is it okay to stop explaining???

I know I haven't contributed in quite some time but life happens and I have dealt with alot in the past months.  I think that BAF really does help to keep you on the straight and narrow even if I do normally just do lurk mode.   With that said I do have a question for y'all.

When I see people that I haven't seen in a while I get one of two reactions:

1. From the people who had never seen me larger just hugs and love.  To them I llok the same as I  always had because they never saw me then.

2. From those who did, what did I do?  Can I still eat?  And of course the obligatory  I know this, that and the other person who almost died or did die from gasp "the surgery".

At first I was a huge advocate for telling people because I have never been a dishonest person I didn't want to lie  knowing darn well that I had RNY  to get where I am.   But as my hubby and I are going to be moving bases within the next 6 months I wonder should it even be brought up?  Do I have to for the rest of my life air my laundry?  I eat normal (I don't dump but I never tested to see if I do), exercise normal (well maybe a bit over normal because I actually like to now) and live normal.  I just don't want to feel like a liar saying I exercise and eat in moderation  when  I do have a tool that helps me stay in check.

So when is it okay to not put myself on blast everytime I get asked about my weight loss?   I will be 2 years out on December 15th.

Thank you for answering...

Erica

Hey Erica,

Its no ones business but your own. You don't have to lie, but you don't have to tell them your truth.

Hi Erica.  I think the decision and power to steer the conversation is in your control to let your audience know as much or as little about your journey as you choose.  Some of us relish in sharing the story of how we've overcome, and will do so for years to come.  Others choose to pretend it ( the wls) ain't so!  I don't speak much of it until someone sincerely inquires, and then I freely share whatever information they may need to hear.

Just my 1/2 cents worth...:-)

J

You have changed how you eat and exercise and that's enough.  People generally don't tell all just because someone asks a personal question.  Wl is no different. 

How much info you reveal depends upon whom you're speaking with.  You'd measure your responses on other issues as well.  Whomever you share intimate details with must first earn your trust.  Its personal, private, not open for discussion, nunya... are all appropriate replys as well. 

You are going to a different base, those people will only know the thin you, if you want to tell them you business it is your choice, but you won't have to because they never knew you big to even ask how you lost weight.

closeted wls patient here..  peeking one eye out to share my 2 cents.

I made the conscious decision to keep my wls private even from the majority of my family.  Only my husband, parents, mother-in-law and one daughter knows (she found my paperwork and asked me about it).  Oh, and 2 friends in 2 different states know also.

You outline my reason #238.B.ii.  I just don't want folks questioning me about my choices and giving their unwanted advice or opinion about it.  If their advice or opinion could have helped me I wouldn't have chosen wls in the first place.  I don't owe them anything.  If I think my story will genuinely help someone, I share.  That's it.

I have a band.  I don't know what your experience is.  Even with the band, if I don't make a CONSCIOUS effort to eat VERY differently AND VIGOROUSLY EXERCISE a minimum of 3x/week, no weight comes off, period.  I don't have to tell people that.  They see my gym bag and my lunch bag everyday at work.  They see me counting the carbs and giving donations for their kids' girl scout cookies instead of buying boxes.  They have seen my behaviors change dramatically.  No, I couldn't have done it without my tool working for me.  That's my business.

I've seen people post opinions that that is the stance of a fraud.  Whatever.  The girl in the office next to me wears butt lift padded panties and she doesn't broadcast her figure secrets either.  There's another lady in the office that tells all the details of her medical issues.  I feel like slapping her everytime she starts that crap up..

You don't "owe" anybody explanations about your medical history.
 
The people at the new base will only know you as who you are right now.  There's no reason to bring up your surgery unless you choose to share it.  If people notice you eating smaller-than-normal portions, all you have to tell them is you're a light eater.

Another closeted WLS patient over here. I only told a handfull of people about gettin the surgery. I didn't feel like explaining anything to people. I've seen quite a few at work getting the 3rd degree, getting watched as they ate, always askin how much weight they plan to lose, and other questions. I lost the weight slow thank goodness so no alarms went off. Plus people knew I was going to the gym, joined a running club, and saw me drinking my protien shakes every morning so they could tell I was doing something different for my health.

When asked how did I lose so much weight my answer is always the same. "I made a lot of changes over the past two years, some of then included exercising a lot and following the Atkins plan"  Not a lie at all lol

Thank you everyone.  I think that at the next base if I choose to say anything, which I doubt it will only be if I think it really will help someone.  I do eat healthy and work every day at making sure I don't slip, so I guess my habits will answer how do I stay fit instead of how did I lose it.  I always thought I would be open about it but really I just want to be treated normally instead of being watched when I eat or work out.  I think I finally understand the other side of sharing our truths.