Tip #63: Show 'em whatcha got

Ayy yo,

Sitting here trying to catch up on all of the BAF "gwine's on" that I been missing lately, I read WonkaD's post from yesterday, ya know the one about the guy who basically posted his likes/dislikes on a flyer using it to pick up women; and it immediately got me thinking about my professional resume. 

Truth be told I recently went to a few job fairs here in the tri-state area and was instaneously floored by the lack of presence of all of the real major players in the hiring game today.  No Johnson & Johnson; no State Farm; nor IBM.  Instead, the "mom 'n pop shops" of the consumer world came out in full force.  It's like all of those ****ty pop-up ads from the internet came to life and materialized at these job fairs.  Ever thought about being a friggin' tire salesperson or dreamed of managing cruise packages on straight commission and bonuses.  Nah I didn't think so; me either.  Now I know what you're thinking, "Don't you have a job?  Why are you looking?  Don't you think you should stay put in this economy?"  To that I say, "Mind ya business."  Sike.  Trust me, I always want to know what's going on in the real world so that if Mista Cholly gets crazy and starts running folks off of his plantation, I want to know if Mista Mann down the way is taking on any new help.  Feel me?

But I digress...

My resume, before I cleaned it up a bit, looked and sounded like 'erry and I do mean 'errybody else's.  It listed my objective, educational background, technical skills, and job summary.  Looking at it flatly I couldn't honestly say that if I was the hiring manager I would want to hire me based on that resume alone.  I felt a change had to be made, so I poured over countless resume writing books, articles, and clippings on how to spruce up a resume and I gotta tell ya, Yo, none of that **** worked.  After reading all that stuff I was more lost than a dayum blind man searching for diamonds and gold in a dark cave at midnight.

I did stumble onto a few tips over the years that I want to share with each of you when attending job fairs;

1. On the way there, listen to some very positive upbeat talk radio.  That's right talk radio.  Leave the RAP/Headbanger Thrash Metal/melodic Gospel/babymaking R&B at home on your way to the jobfair.  You are going to be talking there so get ready by listening to some talk and prepare yourself to talk back.

2. Smile readily and often.  It ain't gonna kill ya azz.

3. Fellas, wear a blue or gray conservative-looking suit (i.e. single breasted) with a smart red or blue tie.  If you don't have one; buy one ASAP.  Leave the Steve Harvey/Stacy Adams/broke-azz pimp fashion to the manual labor crowd or the sheisty preacher sect.

4. Sistas, go conservative in a business suit and smart-looking blouse.  Cover up the twins and shelve the gawdy jangly-dangly jewelry please.  There was one chick there at one of the fairs with a low, low, low-cut top that put her bodacious tatas practically on display.  Babygirl must've been cornfed from Texas.  It was so bad that the black woman who ran the Mary Kay booth (yes Mary Kay; I told you that they have been scraping the bottom of the barrel for these crab-azz job fairs lately) pulled her aside and urged her to not wear something that revealing again to another job fair.  The Mary Kay rep was right. 

5. Now is the time to talk people.  Engage the interviewers in converation.  Make it flow like you're talking to them about sports, cars, shopping, or reality TV shows.  Be natural and be chatty.  Too many times I see people wandering around these things like bobblehead dolls, just smiling and not talking at all.  Trust me, now is the time you want to open your mouth and say stuff.  Network and meet people. 

6. Most importantly - Come prepared with questions about the companies, what they are looking for, how you may best fit in there, etc...  Interview them as well and practice ahead of time your responses to questions thrown at you from interviewers in the past.  This helps reduce the "uhs..." "ummms..." "because likes..." from your normal everyday speech that will make you look totally useless to a company rep. 

The working world has changed, People, so we have to be prepared even if we're planning to just sit back and adjust. ...again.  Now if you'll excuse me I have to go see what else Mista Cholly has up sleeve for us.  I'll holla again once I have some more info.  Stay strong, brothas and sistas.  Show 'em whatcha got.