Hey Everybody - Y'all know me...long post!
(Note: You may wish to skip to Mack Mama's synopsis below if this looks excruciatingly... painfully long at first glance...
LOL!!!)
This time of year I would have been posting about my missing sister, today's her birthday. I miss her and love her but I am feeling more inner peace and coping much better with the loss.
I have not been online much because I sort of banned myself from posting for a while. I was really getting upset with myself because I was not posting anything of substance and I really needed time to get myself back on track. Well, I am back on track...and coming down quite nicely again I might add.
I had gone through a split with someone that I thought was pretty special and it turned out that he was not the one for me. I think that a lot of my relapse centered around this relationship and my reactions to it. It was like...here I go again setting myself up....and failing because I am always trying to take care of people. One of the things that I finally realized through my therapy is that I need reciprocity in my relationships for them to be healthy. I even had to let go of a few family members. I know it sounds common sense but when a person thinks they are "in love" or love someone sometimes good judgment goes out the window. You might accept things that under normal cir****tances would not get a pass. I am glad that I finally decided to give therapy a shot. It has made a significant difference in how I view things. Just because I have a kind caring heart does not mean that I need to always be the giver in a relationship. It causes stress, resentment and so many other negative feelings. End result I end up feeling used and using food and other self-destructive things to cope. Of course this is just one scenario when my addiction gets a hold on me.
I know for a FACT that I will be sharing my onederland post soon. I am well on my way and I REALLY have a good friend helping me along the way. I met this very nice gentleman online (yes...he's my sweetie) and I know without a shadow of a doubt that he sees me for the the person and not for what he can get from me. We go on nature hikes together, we ride bikes together (he's has actually biked cross country in one month with a few of his friends). He's physically fit so it does make a difference about how I approach food simply because it just reinforces the need that I need to be healthier for myself. However, he loves me just the way I am...which is really neat.
I guess what I am sharing is that he makes me feel worthy like I know I that I am. I can't recall ever feeling that way...even with my ex husband who did not show me the respect that this man has shown me. I think a lot of that had to do with the fact that I did not respect myself in a lot of ways. Isn't this the case with a lot of women these days. You have to respect yourself to get respect. A lot of us are in denial.
While I know that many of us have had to do this thing alone..perhaps I would have eventually got there, It does make a world of difference that I have someone by your side...cheering me along. I think I needed this because I have so many distractions.
I have also started meditation which has been wonderful for me. It puts me in a zone where I can actually feel the inner peace. Its a wonderful feeling....(you guys might want to try it...its Buddhist Meditation..you know like what helped Tina Turner). While I am not Buddhist...they welcome all to partake of the principles of peace that they implore.
I leave you with this.....
Ladies and gentlemen,
We are worthy. We are worthy of respect, compassion, understanding but most of all WE are worthy of healthy, reciprocal (give and take) relationships that foster some sense of balance. Anything short of that is pure GARBAGE! Yes...every relationship has its ebbs and flows but when you have those things its much easier to maneuver the waters.
I wish everyone well. I will be back and participating when I can share my oneunderland post.
BTW...the girls and I rescued a 10 year old Shih Tzu named bandit. (Thanks Lynn, PomTexMom, for your advice!). He made a welcome addition to our family. He's a peppy little fellow for his age but cute as a button and thinks hes the King of the castle. This pic looks exactly like him. Does not weight more than 11 pounds sopping wet. Vet gave him a clean bill of health. We will probably have him for an average of 4 years based on the breed's life expectancy. And when the time comes we will deal with the grief...which we all know is a part of life. He's already spoiled rotten...LOL!
LOL!!!)This time of year I would have been posting about my missing sister, today's her birthday. I miss her and love her but I am feeling more inner peace and coping much better with the loss.
I have not been online much because I sort of banned myself from posting for a while. I was really getting upset with myself because I was not posting anything of substance and I really needed time to get myself back on track. Well, I am back on track...and coming down quite nicely again I might add.
I had gone through a split with someone that I thought was pretty special and it turned out that he was not the one for me. I think that a lot of my relapse centered around this relationship and my reactions to it. It was like...here I go again setting myself up....and failing because I am always trying to take care of people. One of the things that I finally realized through my therapy is that I need reciprocity in my relationships for them to be healthy. I even had to let go of a few family members. I know it sounds common sense but when a person thinks they are "in love" or love someone sometimes good judgment goes out the window. You might accept things that under normal cir****tances would not get a pass. I am glad that I finally decided to give therapy a shot. It has made a significant difference in how I view things. Just because I have a kind caring heart does not mean that I need to always be the giver in a relationship. It causes stress, resentment and so many other negative feelings. End result I end up feeling used and using food and other self-destructive things to cope. Of course this is just one scenario when my addiction gets a hold on me.
I know for a FACT that I will be sharing my onederland post soon. I am well on my way and I REALLY have a good friend helping me along the way. I met this very nice gentleman online (yes...he's my sweetie) and I know without a shadow of a doubt that he sees me for the the person and not for what he can get from me. We go on nature hikes together, we ride bikes together (he's has actually biked cross country in one month with a few of his friends). He's physically fit so it does make a difference about how I approach food simply because it just reinforces the need that I need to be healthier for myself. However, he loves me just the way I am...which is really neat.
I guess what I am sharing is that he makes me feel worthy like I know I that I am. I can't recall ever feeling that way...even with my ex husband who did not show me the respect that this man has shown me. I think a lot of that had to do with the fact that I did not respect myself in a lot of ways. Isn't this the case with a lot of women these days. You have to respect yourself to get respect. A lot of us are in denial.
While I know that many of us have had to do this thing alone..perhaps I would have eventually got there, It does make a world of difference that I have someone by your side...cheering me along. I think I needed this because I have so many distractions.
I have also started meditation which has been wonderful for me. It puts me in a zone where I can actually feel the inner peace. Its a wonderful feeling....(you guys might want to try it...its Buddhist Meditation..you know like what helped Tina Turner). While I am not Buddhist...they welcome all to partake of the principles of peace that they implore.
I leave you with this.....
Ladies and gentlemen,
We are worthy. We are worthy of respect, compassion, understanding but most of all WE are worthy of healthy, reciprocal (give and take) relationships that foster some sense of balance. Anything short of that is pure GARBAGE! Yes...every relationship has its ebbs and flows but when you have those things its much easier to maneuver the waters.
I wish everyone well. I will be back and participating when I can share my oneunderland post.
BTW...the girls and I rescued a 10 year old Shih Tzu named bandit. (Thanks Lynn, PomTexMom, for your advice!). He made a welcome addition to our family. He's a peppy little fellow for his age but cute as a button and thinks hes the King of the castle. This pic looks exactly like him. Does not weight more than 11 pounds sopping wet. Vet gave him a clean bill of health. We will probably have him for an average of 4 years based on the breed's life expectancy. And when the time comes we will deal with the grief...which we all know is a part of life. He's already spoiled rotten...LOL!
Ok - for my ADD afflicted mofos on BAF - here's the Cliff notes......
I been gone
I been trippin
I broke up with a fool once I realized I need not be one
I still managed to CUT tha fool after the breakup and gained
I met a new dude - he exercises so I have to move my azz by default
I added Buddah to the Jesus on the main line remix
.... and I have a new dog.
Here's hoping I lose weight and keep this new fool (I mean dude)!!!
**note: the preceding was an unsolicitied summary of the aforementioned post. This wasn't endorsed, condoned or in any way supported by the post's author. If she's offended...... well - I don't give a damn, but some mofos ain't got all that time for reading!!!!
I been gone
I been trippin
I broke up with a fool once I realized I need not be one
I still managed to CUT tha fool after the breakup and gained
I met a new dude - he exercises so I have to move my azz by default
I added Buddah to the Jesus on the main line remix
.... and I have a new dog.
Here's hoping I lose weight and keep this new fool (I mean dude)!!!
**note: the preceding was an unsolicitied summary of the aforementioned post. This wasn't endorsed, condoned or in any way supported by the post's author. If she's offended...... well - I don't give a damn, but some mofos ain't got all that time for reading!!!!
I don't just have issues, I have subscriptions! I'm saving on the newsstand price....... 
Check out my dating mis - adventures at: http://1macdatinggame.blogspot.com/
You ought to be ashamed of yourself for mocking my post. Especially when I poured so much feeling into it!!! LOL! I love it! Thanks for providing the abridged version!!! You are a real treat...that's why I have to get right so I can come back and partake in the insanity on BAF. LOVE me some BAF! Thanks Mack ~rolling my eyes and winking at the same time~
I couldn't resist - I've had a horrible day at work today and this is my mental 'break' for right now........At least it proves I read it all, right?
and YES - you do need to get back - and if you want an exercise challenge - just let me know - I could use some competition!!!
I don't just have issues, I have subscriptions! I'm saving on the newsstand price.......
Check out my dating mis - adventures at: http://1macdatinggame.blogspot.com/
Yes....that for sho proves you did read it and I am sure that quite a few people are singing your praises for it as well as the subsequent output...LOL! As far as the exercise challenge, I will definitely let you know...but what I can tell you have been "burning rubber on Charlene" with the racing. Keep up the great work!
Hey Michelle,
Yes...I am doing much better and I definitely appreciate the reminder about keeping a firm reign on who Lisa is in this relationship. I have been doing pretty good so far. Its funny because we have so mu*****ommon as far as our background (divorced same amount of time, two daughters, similar relationship hx) that we both are protective of each other in this area. (i.e. giving space, keeping the boundaries clear, respecting one another etc...) But what makes it nice is that we have both been so open with one another that we know neither one of us is perfect. AND there will be challenges once this romance period fades into the next stage. I will just keep praying about it AND going to my therapy & meditation....to keep the balance.
Yes...I am doing much better and I definitely appreciate the reminder about keeping a firm reign on who Lisa is in this relationship. I have been doing pretty good so far. Its funny because we have so mu*****ommon as far as our background (divorced same amount of time, two daughters, similar relationship hx) that we both are protective of each other in this area. (i.e. giving space, keeping the boundaries clear, respecting one another etc...) But what makes it nice is that we have both been so open with one another that we know neither one of us is perfect. AND there will be challenges once this romance period fades into the next stage. I will just keep praying about it AND going to my therapy & meditation....to keep the balance.
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