WHEN THE HELL DID I BECOME MY MOTHER???

My mom always said you can't tell grown people what to do.  This while imparting her own opinion on what I should do. My beloved offspring is working my last nerve.  I am trying hard not to be "that mom", but I can't just sit back and watch everything turn to crap.  

Most of you know my baby is one of us.  Succesful VBG, two years plus out.  She never made goal, but I say successful because her wls works when she works it. 

Unfortunately I could see that she has not been working it and yesterday I got proof positive.  The internist pointed out that she gained 15 lbs this year.  He expects by her follow up in two weeks she should drop a few of those pounds.  If she gets back on plan there is no reason she can't drop two pounds a week and make her goal weight. 

I acknowledge that being restrictive only her journey is different from mine.  But this weight gain is still kiling me inside.  I want my baby to be healthy. 

I've got to find a way to get through to her.    My mom could never tell me anything so I know despite our open relationship there remains that mother/ daughter dynamic that blocks all "advice " from mom.  Her issues are plain and simple:  she does not follow her program.

The main violations are liquid calories: regular sodas; high cal, high sugar, coffee beverages; alcohol consumption.  Then there are the high carb foods.  Potatos and other simple carbs while not excessive need to be cut back for active weight loss.  Too little protein with her meals plus skipping meals is a regular issue as well.  Also, her workout routine has dwindled.  She's the normal young adult without enough health issues to have reason to care. 

She has not followed up with her surgeon for regular check ups.  I bought her a good quality body fat %/ body water % scale that she does not use.  I've bought her vits that she does not take.  I've encouraged her to seek support groups/ systems which of course she ignores. 

I've told her in the past she needs to get on program but I'm trying not to be a nag.  Posting accountability; tracking her food and exercise daily; follow up with her surgeon; re commitment to her diet and exercise protocol; weighing regularly; all suggested at one time or another.   

I don't want to see her in a year or so looking for a revision because she fkcu'd up.  We know the tool works if you work it but I'm the last one on this planet that can get through to her.  She likes this internist and I'm hoping hearing it from him will make the difference. 

What to do about this is beyond me.  The truth is its not my issue its hers.  Unfortunately as a mom I can't help but take it on as my own problem.  Stepping back from this is a tough one.  Thanks for letting me vent. 

Unfortunately you being reay for her to make a life change isn't nearly as important as her being ready to make the change. The most you can do is lead by example, but if you become a nag as a daughter that has always had a weight prolem-you will alienate her and she will shut down.

Best of luck.

Don't I know it so I say as little as possible.  The irony is she got my @$$ in gear to loose the weight.  Big sigh... 

You are such a devoted and concerned mom.  We all want our children in the best of health.  When I read your post, my first thought was "how old is the "baby"?  Since she had this procedure, I assumed that she was an adult.  Perhaps you may want to consider docking the helicopter and cease hovering for a bit and let her try and make a go of it on her own.........

Sometimes the best lessons learned are those that come from our own mistakes!

Just my 1/2 cents worth!............with love............

J

I hear you.  She's got to learn for herself but hopefully before she does serious damage.  I ***** and moan online but irl I take a step back.  Even grown, she's always my baby...