Brothas..a wise man once told me....
"Be careful young man..Napoleon lost an entire empire chasing a piece of azz." Well those words never ran truer for me than they did this a few weeks ago.. A female friend "invited" me to her home late one Friday evening for a glass of wine and to review her extensive John Coltrane collection(call it what you want.. Is a bty call by any other name still not a bty call?) i give it a quick map quest check and as it would be her crib is only eight miles from my restaurant with a calculated travel time of 5.8 minutes. Cool..this can work well for the both of us..
Fifteen minutes later, i still ain't at her crib and damn if i ain't lost. But that ain't the head crack, the neighborhood is taking on an increasingly "urban" vibe as evident by the hooded figures standing in dark doorways and the absence of any street signs.. I feel the hairs on the back of my neck flutter. THey didnt go up they just fluttered like a spiders tentacles warning me to be on guard. I call this sister and try to hide the anxiety in my voice. "umm listen babe i'm a little lost i need you to direct me to your house." i give her my location. "Oh, i don't know where that street is. I told you i don't hang out around here." Really? so you been living here eight years and you haven't learned your way around the block yet? OK, I make myself a mental note cause sis just lost a few cool points. How in the hell you gon invite a man over to your house and you don't know where the hell you live?! I pull over cause i've circled the block too many times now and now i got the attention of the young hustlers. I'm either lost or i'm five o and in my case i'm both so it's a no win situation out the gate for me. I speed dial my soldier. "My dude, i'm on sussex and avon." A short pause. "you got cha pistol?" "It's like that?" "Oh hell yeah, you done rode right through the gates of hell baby. She betta be worth it. " It never is..I turned onto her block and suddenly it hits me why she doesn't know her way around. THe young soldiers are running the block, spotters, runners and hustlers strategically dot the block like soldier ants protecting their nests. I pat my pistol protuding out of my waistband but i would've been better leaving it at work. I'm outnumbered and outgunned here. I pull past her crib cause there's no parking spaces. I go up to the top of the block and park. And i just sit there. And just like in the cartoon, my alter egos pop up on my shoulders, i call them, Mr. Do right and Mr. Do it Right Now..."what in the hell are you doing? you in the belly of the beast wearing a suit and tie chasing a peice of azz that really just lost it's flava. You violating your own rules man! You got a gun but they all got guns man let's go home! I'm scared." Mr. Do It RIght Now pulls on my earlobe" Man damn these young boys you ain't no mfing punk you from the same streets baby! Don't let the smooth taste fool ya, you still from the bricks baby! And ooh look she standing out on the porch. Is that a silk robe she got on?" POW! Mr. Do it Right Now slaps me in the back of my neck. "You betta get in there and represent boy! NOw unloosen ya tie and walk with dat swagga nicca!" "Hell yeah!" i yell out loud. I'm lost it took me 45 minutes to go eight miles it's raining i'm in the hood its 10:00 and i live an hour away! the least you could do i**** a brotha off!" I turned the car off check my grill in the mirror put on my screw face and rise up out of the car like Black Ceasar. (although i did walk in the street. I'm fly but i ain't stupid!) i'm passing these young boys making eye contacts giving nods and walking tall stretching my frame like Simba the Lion. It took so long to walk down that dark street that my nerves were shot by the time i reached her porch. and now that i'm there, i want to go back. She ushers me into her home and i am met with the most intense heat i have felt since i left the projects. And ya'll know ain't no heat like project heat. She waste no time and i have none to spare. NO wine. No John Coltrane. We get it on get it in and get it done. It is what it was.
And now here i am preparing myself for the sojourn back up the block to my car. If it's still there. And my visit was short enough for the whole block to peep the situation for what it was.. a bty call..I'm in even more danger now.. for all i know one of these jokas could be her 14 yr old son...Mr. Do Right pops back up on my shoulder yelling in my ear and i speed through three lights to get back on the highway.. "what's the lesson Mr. Dark and Lovely?" "Man, leave me alone." POW! He slaps me in the back of my still sweaty neck. "What's the lesson?" I sigh lean back and gas the car away from my reality.. "The lesson is.. Napoleon lost an empire chasing a piece of azz.." "And?" Mr Do RIght yells deep in my ear.. "and if history is correct, that peice of azz was Cleopatra." "Now bring it home Mr. Cup of Hot Chocalate!" I sigh heavily again wallowing my momentary loss of my good senses.. "So Napoleon lost an entire empire chasing a sista who had dreams bigga than his d@#k." "Thus ends the lesson chump!" and poof he was gone..leaving me alone with my conscious.. I hear giggling and turn around.. Mr. Do it RIght now is in the backseat.. laughing his ass off..
Fifteen minutes later, i still ain't at her crib and damn if i ain't lost. But that ain't the head crack, the neighborhood is taking on an increasingly "urban" vibe as evident by the hooded figures standing in dark doorways and the absence of any street signs.. I feel the hairs on the back of my neck flutter. THey didnt go up they just fluttered like a spiders tentacles warning me to be on guard. I call this sister and try to hide the anxiety in my voice. "umm listen babe i'm a little lost i need you to direct me to your house." i give her my location. "Oh, i don't know where that street is. I told you i don't hang out around here." Really? so you been living here eight years and you haven't learned your way around the block yet? OK, I make myself a mental note cause sis just lost a few cool points. How in the hell you gon invite a man over to your house and you don't know where the hell you live?! I pull over cause i've circled the block too many times now and now i got the attention of the young hustlers. I'm either lost or i'm five o and in my case i'm both so it's a no win situation out the gate for me. I speed dial my soldier. "My dude, i'm on sussex and avon." A short pause. "you got cha pistol?" "It's like that?" "Oh hell yeah, you done rode right through the gates of hell baby. She betta be worth it. " It never is..I turned onto her block and suddenly it hits me why she doesn't know her way around. THe young soldiers are running the block, spotters, runners and hustlers strategically dot the block like soldier ants protecting their nests. I pat my pistol protuding out of my waistband but i would've been better leaving it at work. I'm outnumbered and outgunned here. I pull past her crib cause there's no parking spaces. I go up to the top of the block and park. And i just sit there. And just like in the cartoon, my alter egos pop up on my shoulders, i call them, Mr. Do right and Mr. Do it Right Now..."what in the hell are you doing? you in the belly of the beast wearing a suit and tie chasing a peice of azz that really just lost it's flava. You violating your own rules man! You got a gun but they all got guns man let's go home! I'm scared." Mr. Do It RIght Now pulls on my earlobe" Man damn these young boys you ain't no mfing punk you from the same streets baby! Don't let the smooth taste fool ya, you still from the bricks baby! And ooh look she standing out on the porch. Is that a silk robe she got on?" POW! Mr. Do it Right Now slaps me in the back of my neck. "You betta get in there and represent boy! NOw unloosen ya tie and walk with dat swagga nicca!" "Hell yeah!" i yell out loud. I'm lost it took me 45 minutes to go eight miles it's raining i'm in the hood its 10:00 and i live an hour away! the least you could do i**** a brotha off!" I turned the car off check my grill in the mirror put on my screw face and rise up out of the car like Black Ceasar. (although i did walk in the street. I'm fly but i ain't stupid!) i'm passing these young boys making eye contacts giving nods and walking tall stretching my frame like Simba the Lion. It took so long to walk down that dark street that my nerves were shot by the time i reached her porch. and now that i'm there, i want to go back. She ushers me into her home and i am met with the most intense heat i have felt since i left the projects. And ya'll know ain't no heat like project heat. She waste no time and i have none to spare. NO wine. No John Coltrane. We get it on get it in and get it done. It is what it was.
And now here i am preparing myself for the sojourn back up the block to my car. If it's still there. And my visit was short enough for the whole block to peep the situation for what it was.. a bty call..I'm in even more danger now.. for all i know one of these jokas could be her 14 yr old son...Mr. Do Right pops back up on my shoulder yelling in my ear and i speed through three lights to get back on the highway.. "what's the lesson Mr. Dark and Lovely?" "Man, leave me alone." POW! He slaps me in the back of my still sweaty neck. "What's the lesson?" I sigh lean back and gas the car away from my reality.. "The lesson is.. Napoleon lost an empire chasing a piece of azz.." "And?" Mr Do RIght yells deep in my ear.. "and if history is correct, that peice of azz was Cleopatra." "Now bring it home Mr. Cup of Hot Chocalate!" I sigh heavily again wallowing my momentary loss of my good senses.. "So Napoleon lost an entire empire chasing a sista who had dreams bigga than his d@#k." "Thus ends the lesson chump!" and poof he was gone..leaving me alone with my conscious.. I hear giggling and turn around.. Mr. Do it RIght now is in the backseat.. laughing his ass off..
I give this an EE for 
Educational and 
Entertaining
Educational and Entertaining
MSW Roux-En-Y Gastric Bypass: Eat sensibly & enjoy moderation
Links: Are you a compulsive eater? for help OA meets on-line Keep Coming Back, One Day At a Time Overeaters Anonymous
L
V'N MY RNY. WORKING FOR ME BECAUSE I WORK FOR IT.
Can't wait for the movie version, Playa.
We have seen in the media most recently men who, for lack of better words, used "poor judgment" when chasing that azz and lost their reputations, their families, their positions, their careers, their endorsements, the trust of their supporters and most importantly their dignity. All to chase some ***** The truth is...they were sloppy and stupid and thought they'd never get caught. The reality is, one way or another, they all do. Very interesting...
OMG!!!! I had a similar situation - thought to myself 'why am I doing P*ssy delivery* to the damn hood???!!!!! But hell - like you - I figured I ain't come THIS far not to at least get some head.......
I want the scientist over at the FDA to study it and find out the
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