HOLD MY FEET TO THE FIRE! ACCOUNTABILITY POST

Accountability Mission: No Mercy and No Excuses

TGIFRIDAYBAF!  Tell the whole truth and be accountable. Has it been a good week?  Will it be a good weekend?  Any making up to do? Or, perhaps you paid a little forward in exercise or cutting back so you can indulge over the weekend.   Pre approval diet, pre op diet, active weight loss, maintenance, or even loosing again after re gaining you can always get yourself back in the game.    

...All are welcome, jump in at anytime.


For reference:
5 Day Pouch Test website http://www.5daypouchtest.com/plan/theplan.html
5 Day Pouch Test Instructions
http://www.obesityhelp.com/forums/black_american/3995048/Hold-my-feet-to-the-fire-please-Accountability-Mision/
Protein Train Instructions http://www.obesityhelp.com/forums/black_american/3993571/Protein-Train-Educate-me-please/#32309205
Wagon Plan Instructions
http://www.obesityhelp.com/forums/black_american/3650242/The-Wagon-Plan-Get-back-on-the-wagon
Overeaters Anonymous
Online Meetings Around the Clock * Information on changing eating behavior

Settle in or skip it folks because I'm rambling on today.  The brain is in overdrive.  It must be the drugs, all perfectly legal I assure you.  I am a walking chemical processing plant, lol   . 

I did much better yesterday but head hunger and salt cravings are kicking my ass.  Nevertheless, I resisted having dodged a few major assaults that would usually cause me to crumble.  In the end, eating was on point except for some late night protein powder.  Far better than the fried chicken wing I really wanted.  My calories remained in check and finally I got my protein back over 100g.  No workout scheduled.  All vits done. 

I over did the liquids at about 96 oz so my body water % is even higher today.  BUT, the scale actually went DOWN, yippee!  I'm still a few pounds up, but with more water and less weight, there must be some fat loss there    .  Please God?

Now on the back line I often get questioned about my insanity over my weight loss despite my declining clothing size.  Also I get questions about my comments regarding being a borderline junkie of sorts plus a few other things.  Inquiring minds just want to know so here goes  .  

I'll start with my comments about being pumped full of chemicals.  I have non obesity related medical issues which get me the privilege of routine IV steroids, chemotherapy, and blood filtering procedures plus about two dozen meds daily.  Oral, inject ables, inhale ables.   So if you think you can't swallow pills right after rny that's bull.  Less than 24 hrs after my surgery I was back to swallowing 47 pills a day. 

The down side is many meds cause weight gain as do steroids leading to my constant *****ing and moaning.     So at fifteen months out I cannot even hit a 100 pound loss.  I was only 106 lbs from ideal weight to begin with.  Not counting water weight I'm still 5.2 lbs from goal and 14.2 lbs from ideal and it really ****** me off. 

Now for my insane scale obsession and analysis of the numbers.      I am as anal retentive as they come.  By trade, a numbers and computer nerd in every respect.    Analyzing data, assessing variances, modeling projections is what I do.  I just can't help myself.  Obsessive neurotics make good auditors and analysts.  Combined with my need to control things,  It demonstrates my place in the dominant analytical quadrant.  Those of you who studied Deming and the management / productivity seminars of the late 80's/ early 90's know what that means.  For the rest of you, it doesn't matter any more.   There are new business gurus to study.  

Last, the question I get most of fen on the back line:  Given your size why the hell are you stressing.  Yes, I wear a relatively small size.  However, with my teen years straddling the 70s/80s, my concept of size is different.  My coveted but never achieve size 9/10 measured a 24" waist and 34" hips back then.  This is the standard I use to assess my progress.  This is the body I always wanted.  I was always the fat girl in the group with my 26"-28" waist and 36"-38" hips.  I was usually 36-28-36, but like Brick House, I wanted to be 36-24-36. 

So the teen fantasy still persists.  Presently having no @$$ and loosing the boobs, my top and bottom measurements defy curves.  But I still want that 24" waist or at least the old 26" waist again.  Its more about succeeding at what I set out to do than being any particular size.  I hate failing at anything especially something I have some control over.  So I continue to obsess      . 

Last, I had one co morbidity going in.  High blood pressure.  Dangerous stroke level bp.  Its a lot better now.  Sometimes even on the low side.  But it still spikes to stage two hypertension.  There is already evidence of left ventricle heart damage due to prolonged hypertension since my teens.  Now it is believed this is more hereditary than weight related for me.  Nevertheless, I want normal bp with no spikes even if I'm still on meds.      This type of damage is reversible with sustained normal blood pressure and regular intense cardio.  I intend to reverse it. 

I have a small frame so I am far from slender despite making it into a size one at the gap for the first time yesterday.  Yeaaaa me!  Skirts are a perfect fit, jeans still tight but I'm zipped in.  There is still plenty of fat for me to loose especially on my thighs, belly, and back.  I am a plump size two.  I'm working towards svelte not skinny.

There you have it folks, FAQ's answered.  Now I am going to try and work today so that I knock back some of this water weight and keep the scale going down.  Hopefully when the tide recedes I'll be at goal.   Again,     please God?  

" I have a small frame so I am far from slender despite making it into a size one at the gap for the first time yesterday.  Yeaaaa me!  Skirts are a perfect fit, jeans still tight but I'm zipped in.  There is still plenty of fat for me to loose especially on my thighs, belly, and back.  I am a plump size two.  I'm working towards svelte not skinny."



Congrats, congrats, congrats!!!

  Thanks luv!  A lot of folks don't get that some of us may wear a small size but still be quite well padded, lol. 

Working on me and learning to just be hungry. Every night before bed I start getting into the habit of eating a late night snack. Well, it got to the point where i needed to feel fullness to go to bed. Last night I DECIDED I am not going to feed myself late at night because I know next I will be waking up in the middle of the night snacking. I know that it takes 3-4 days to wean from late night snacking, so last night was my first nigt letting the hunger set in. I didn't get much sleep, but I DIDN'T  eat anything either. When we are hungry what really makes us eat? Is it the pain? Is the pain that unbearable? Its all in the mind. SO, yay for me.  Next step is to continue to make the right choices. Yesterday I did pretty well with food, water, and vitamins. No exercise though. Today I am having leftover for breakfast. We didn't have tacos. Instead made some beans and loose meat with brown rice. It was really good. I am loving leftovers more and more each day. Makes it easy for me to eat when I am hungry. That way I don't just choose anything. I am so in love with the chocolate frozen yogurt. I didn't like it for a long time, but now..its great. lol. I won't have it too often, but when I have the chocolate craving. I was thinking about looking around trader joes for some healthy snack items. I also plan to do some tae bo this AM and walk a mile on the treadmill. Wishing much success on this journey.

Yea for you resisting that snack.  I struggle with that too on and off.  Head hunger is a *****  For me that's all it is. 

Good healthy choice for dinner.  You've got my mouth watering.  I'll be cooking your meal this weekend but it will be cauliflower rice for me.