I was feeling a little depressed about my mother and some hurtful things she said to me this morning....I needed to get my mind right...so I found some information that helped me in this moment. I thought I would share. I am in a better space...so I deleted my original message to offer something that might help someone else going through similar feelings.

Depression Help

How to Overcome Sadness Through Self-Care and Compassion

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Jun 13, 2007 Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen Some types of depression require treatments such as antidepressants and talk therapy. Other times, depression help is found through simple self-care and compassion.

Overcoming feelings of sadness can involve treating yourself with compassion and self-care - which can be an effective, easy way to help depression. Researchers have discovered that having compassion for yourself during hard times can help lift feelings of sadness and despair.

Depression or feelings of sadness can involve blaming other people – or yourself. If you're depressed, you may dwell on your pain and frustration, obsess about how life should be, or criticize other people and the world in general.

This type of depression help - practicing compassion and self-care - is based on research from psychology professor Mark R. Leary of Duke University. He says, "Self-compassion helps to eliminate a lot of the anger, depression, and pain we experience when things go badly for us."

When You Practice Compassion to Help With Depression, You:

• Feel less anger, frustration, and pain, depression.
• Blame yourself or beat yourself up far less often.
• Get defensive or ornery less often.
• Struggle less with painful memories (real or imagined).
• Accept responsibility when things go wrong.
• Deal with negative emotions in healthy ways.
• Have a self-perspective that doesn't depend on the outcomes of events, but rather on your own positive view of yourself.

"Self-compassion helps people not to add a layer of self-recrimination on top of whatever bad thing happens to them," says Leary. This helps with depression because it lifts feelings of blame and shame.

How Do You Practice Self-Care and Compassion?

• Be kind to yourself (rather than critical). You know when you're being hard on yourself, and you have the power to stop.
• View your problem as a normal part of life.
• Identify and accept both the good and the bad with tranquility and peace.
• Focus on thoughts that make you feel safe, calm, happy, and peaceful.
• Turn away from bitterness, anger, disappointment, and frustration – after you've spent some time feeling the negative emotions.
• Breathe deeply, get fresh air, and enjoy the view (even if it's from your hospital room).
• Pray, meditate, or take "down time."
• Savor foods you love: chocolate ice cream, peaches, spicy chicken wings, gingerbread cookies, cheese-covered nachos. Practice moderation – because if you overindulge, you're no longer savoring.

Compassion and self-care can go a long way in helping depression and easing pain when things go wrong in your life. Compassion can be a more effective way to cope with depression than building self-esteem, in fact. Leary says, "American society has spent a great deal of time and effort trying to promote people's self-esteem, when a far more important ingredient of well-being may be self-compassion.

That's deep! 

Perhaps she is really feeling the full weight of everything that is on her plate with all your family is going through that has her saying the things that she said to you.  Don't take it too hard though.  The stuff that you've mentioned is a lot for two or three lifetimes not to mention just one. 

I'm at a lost for words right now (and that's a lot for me - I'm here to tell ya!) so I'll just end this by saying, "Be encoraged to keep on keeping on & feel better."


 

Thanks Aye!

I really appreciate you for taking the time to reply. I feel better now. I read something that helped to elevate my mood so I decided to share rather than focus on those negative feelings in my original message.. Hope all is well with you! Hugs

I was just telling my daughter yesterday to do this very thing along with NOT focusing on that person or the cir****tances around her, but on God and what God can and will do.  Let God pour love into you for you to love yourself in a healthy way so that you can pour love out onto others.  Wonderful info!! Thanks MD.

Hey Glam! How you doing sweetie?

You know the thing that I came to realize is that no matter what I do....I can not heal my mother from her depression. I can not make her happy or heal her wounded spirit. Only her belief and leaning on a higher power will be able to do that for her. I love my mother with all my heart but I simply can not handle the negativity any longer. Negativity is infectious....I need a positive mind to do what I need to DO.  She knows that I am here for her but I will not be codependent with her any longer. I need to live my life for my girls.  

Another thing that I realize is that my mom needs to forgive herself. We are all human and make mistakes. She is beating herself up from the inside out and that's why shes so depressed. She blames herself for my sister's disappearance and so many other things that really were not in her control per se.   I know how she feels because for a long time...I blamed myself as well.  Wondering if I had said something or did something differently would it have made a difference..could I have saved her? Bottom line....our lives are planned out long before we even come into existence.  We all have choices AND as a teenager...my sister made some bad choices. When we were children....my mother, stepfather sowed some bad seeds. People can sow bad seeds and over time...............................long after they have forgotten their wrongs....the hurt people put on others will eventually come back on them.  I really believe it. This is why I know we will have justice for my sister....its just a matter of time. No sin goes unpunished. This is the main reason....I am doing all I can to help people....people that want to help themselves that is.  I want to sow good healthy seeds in fertile soil.

Another thing....I know I was right in telling my mom that I needed some space.  I simply can not have her living with me any more. She works and she is capable to supply her own needs. I cant have her living off of me....while she zaps me of all my positive reserves. It hampers our relationship...and I want to be positive not resentful...when I interact with her.  Yes...she did not understand where I was coming from...and felt rejected (the reason she said all those mean an hurtful things BUT I know that with time to herself...she will see that I have been the sole source of support for her and it was killing me.  I simply can not let her kill my spirit. She needs other support...God's support.

Glam....its so important for folks to think before they speak to people. Might be necessary to bite ones tongue if they have to....until they are able to say things in a helpful not hurtful way out of anger. Things said out of anger are usually not productive. Words can hurt and its hard to take them back.  People don't realize that to kill someone is murder....but sometimes its just as awful when you kill someones spirit! I am just happy that I have grown enough to realize when its my stuff to own and not mine to own. As children...we are not sophisticated enough to discern.  Folks should ask themselves....am I killing my child's or anyone's else's spirit with my words.  It happened to many of us and we did not know it....that's why we overate...some of us or did other self distructive things. Its why a lot of our relationships break down...cause communications break down and it leaves the other person feeling worthless. Its time that we tried as a people to build each other up. 

Even a stranger on the street might have a good day...if someone just took the time to say a positive word...never know how much you can do for a person with one word!

LOL!!! You can tell..I am feeling much better today. I might take a shot to the chest every now and then BUT I have my Armour on now...so its easier to stand back up, dust myself off...and keep on stepping.

Continued blessing to you Glam and your lovely daughter....she had a true prize for a mother.  
     

I applaud you for having the courage to stand up for and protect yourself form that kind of situation.  You are ABSOLUTELY correct in your feelings towards the poisonous negativity around you.  It is so pervasive and before you know it those people have pulled you down and have depressed you. The bible tells us not be associated with situations or people like this.  We are to pray for them, help them how and when we can, but not allow them so close that they destroy us. 

My soon to be ex-husband is bi-polar and has OCD and refuses to seek treatment of any kind.  I have done all I can do and after 20 years of a loveless, lonely marriage, I will admit it has taken it's tole on me to some degree.   I know that my divorce from him is the BEST thing that I can do for myelf, my child and believe it or not, for him.  He is then left to his own devices to either take accountabitly for his illness and seek help and lean on God or live and die with it.  

I HATE being around negative, depressed, sour mouthed people.  That's not to say that we all don't have a bad day or go through a time of trial or that I wouldn't support a friend who needed me.  I'm talking about a chronically depressed person *****fuses help.  At some point, you have to back away and let God handle it. 

You're also correct, she needs to lean on God and forgive herself and allow God to heal her.  It's painful and there is no way around it, but God is able and willing do more than we can think or imagine.  The creator of the universe can and will heal her broken heart if she allows Him to.

Thanks for the love.  I know your children are blessed with a powerful woman of Faith leading them.  You are a proverbs 31 woman!!!

Thanks Glam....I am really trying hard to be that woman! The blessings from my efforts are so obvious. I have found inner peace.....The greatest gift that one can have from our creator. Love ya! Have a great weekend!

Love you more!! You too angel!

Hey sis.........Thanks for sharing this one today.  Consider this post a "full circle" blessing for another.  I needed to try and reach out to a loved one who often suffers through depression.  I needed to try something different to try and reach her and appeal to her so it wouldn't sound as if I was preaching to her or trying to tell her what to do.  Perhaps her reading this will give her a new perspective or way to look at how to turn her despair (real or perceived) into something more positive.  So thank you Lisa for sharing this so that I could help someone else.  There's always a positive silver lining to come out of even the worst thoughts and intentions.

Be encouraged!

J

Oh...Janice...I am so happy that my sharing yesterday...helped someone. I really did not want to have any form of a pity party (trying my best to put those behind me) but it did help to put my initial feelings out there so that I could recognize what I needed to do to come up out of them. Yes...depression will have you feeling so lost. It is very hard to reach those that are deep deep in it.
I have not been able to get through to my mom....so I have just had to release her into God's hands...honestly beyond my control but she knows that I am really here for her.   Perhaps it might be helpful to tell your friend about others that you have heard who suffer from depression and what they have done to come up out of it.  I googled this Youtube video about celebrities that suffer from depression....sometime just helping the person realize that they are not alone is a very useful thing. They also have online support groups for these people as well.

I need to find some resource for my mom that deals with PSTD and parents with multiple tragedies among their children.....someone who has experienced similar but has some through.  This might be my missing link for her. Here is the link to that video so you will have a few names to drop.  I feel much better today. Thanks for you support. I am encouraged today! Blessing to you too J!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IptYaS5qXKE