BAF, Lets have a little girl talk...
Okay, so theres this guy... (lol) I met him about 3 weeks ago. Hes nice.. cute.. good shape (all those important things lol) But here the dillema he a bit over bearing.. Example 1: He chased me to the car to get my number. And then stopped traffic. lol 2: He called at about 10:30 am the next morning and about every other morning for the first week. 3: He keeps sending text messages like "I need to see you" blah blah! How do you ladies react to "petsistent" men. You think that some guys go after "big girls" because were easy prey? Do obese women go for the guy who appear to be extremely into her because of self-esteem issues? Or should i give him a chance? Idk.. Help me out!
You either like that type or you don't.
I'm not getting the self esteem angle. We can just as easily say fat women are willing to accept less attention. I'm not one for embracing the psych stereotypes of fat people. That has never been my life or that of any fat folks I've know well.
If you are genuinely intrigued or flattered, go for it. If he's just a nuisance or working your nerves, tell him where to go.
I'm not getting the self esteem angle. We can just as easily say fat women are willing to accept less attention. I'm not one for embracing the psych stereotypes of fat people. That has never been my life or that of any fat folks I've know well.
If you are genuinely intrigued or flattered, go for it. If he's just a nuisance or working your nerves, tell him where to go.
MSW Roux-En-Y Gastric Bypass: Eat sensibly & enjoy moderation
Links: Are you a compulsive eater? for help OA meets on-line Keep Coming Back, One Day At a Time Overeaters Anonymous
L
V'N MY RNY. WORKING FOR ME BECAUSE I WORK FOR IT.
Howdy there!!! Lemme first say that I am the paranoid, don't trust nobody type because, in my experience, it is better to be overly cautious than overly trusting.
First - the way that he first approached you. Ok, chase you to your car, then stop traffic. I'll give a 'pass' on that, not knowing the full situation and assume he didn't want to lose the chance to meet you. There's only one free pass allowed.
Second - the calls at a particular time, regularly 'spaced' - so much so that you notice the pattern. This is red flag #1 for me. In my experience, someone with that level of consistency in execution of behavior either has a plan, or nothing better to do. Either of these can be a problem, as it's the first indication they can become fixated on something, meaning that the loss or change of that thing will cause an issue for them. In other words, this can be the type of mofo that if you get involved then leave becomes the 'I can't live without you' stalker type.
Third, the text messages. Pay very close attention to the wording - people will say what they mean - there's truth to every statement. NEED to see you? Mofos NEED food, water and shelter. Any mofo that says they NEED anything regarding you is either co-dependent, manipulative or just plain sorry.
And yes - guys do target large women for self esteem issues. For some women, to have a 'fine' guy like that hawking them - they will do anything to get him and be able to show him off as a 'trophy'. It's the 'wow - I'm so lucky a guy like THAT would want me' syndrome.
Tell you what - test the situation. Don't respond to his communications for 2-3 days and see what happens. He'll either get crazy persistent and show you that he's really stalkerish or he'll turn and show you a darker side with something like 'I didn't really want you anyway you fat *****'.
The RIGHT answer? If he simply ceases after say, day 1, with a 'you must be busy, get back at me when you can' and leaves it alone. This signals that he's really a GROWN man with a LIFE and doesn't NEED anything, but WANTS you. THAT'S where you *need* to be.
Just my $0.02
First - the way that he first approached you. Ok, chase you to your car, then stop traffic. I'll give a 'pass' on that, not knowing the full situation and assume he didn't want to lose the chance to meet you. There's only one free pass allowed.
Second - the calls at a particular time, regularly 'spaced' - so much so that you notice the pattern. This is red flag #1 for me. In my experience, someone with that level of consistency in execution of behavior either has a plan, or nothing better to do. Either of these can be a problem, as it's the first indication they can become fixated on something, meaning that the loss or change of that thing will cause an issue for them. In other words, this can be the type of mofo that if you get involved then leave becomes the 'I can't live without you' stalker type.
Third, the text messages. Pay very close attention to the wording - people will say what they mean - there's truth to every statement. NEED to see you? Mofos NEED food, water and shelter. Any mofo that says they NEED anything regarding you is either co-dependent, manipulative or just plain sorry.
And yes - guys do target large women for self esteem issues. For some women, to have a 'fine' guy like that hawking them - they will do anything to get him and be able to show him off as a 'trophy'. It's the 'wow - I'm so lucky a guy like THAT would want me' syndrome.
Tell you what - test the situation. Don't respond to his communications for 2-3 days and see what happens. He'll either get crazy persistent and show you that he's really stalkerish or he'll turn and show you a darker side with something like 'I didn't really want you anyway you fat *****'.
The RIGHT answer? If he simply ceases after say, day 1, with a 'you must be busy, get back at me when you can' and leaves it alone. This signals that he's really a GROWN man with a LIFE and doesn't NEED anything, but WANTS you. THAT'S where you *need* to be.
Just my $0.02
Hey Roni,
My take on it is this, men who want you, pursue you. They will find a reason to be near you i.e.: They hear your dishwasher is broken. They will go dust off their tools, get the neighbors tools, heyl..they will go buy some damn tools, just to come and fix your dishwasher!! Meanwhile they have NO IDEA how to fix a dishwasher!!! They just wanted to be close to you. Now, he may be too persistent and that is a red flag, so go slow. But do give him a chance.
Do some men chase the big girls thinking that she MIGHT BE easy prey? Yes. But many big women are far from easy prey. Self esteem comes in all sizes. And there are men who like full bodied women. You wouldn't see him with a skinny woman unless he's holding her for the police, or so I once heard an old friend say.
Do obese women go for the guy who appears to be extremely into her because she has low self esteem? Again yes and no. There are those women who have low self esteem and any attention feels like oxygen, but there are many women who wouldn't. Body issues plague woman of all sizes. Wishing you all the best sweetie.
My take on it is this, men who want you, pursue you. They will find a reason to be near you i.e.: They hear your dishwasher is broken. They will go dust off their tools, get the neighbors tools, heyl..they will go buy some damn tools, just to come and fix your dishwasher!! Meanwhile they have NO IDEA how to fix a dishwasher!!! They just wanted to be close to you. Now, he may be too persistent and that is a red flag, so go slow. But do give him a chance.
Do some men chase the big girls thinking that she MIGHT BE easy prey? Yes. But many big women are far from easy prey. Self esteem comes in all sizes. And there are men who like full bodied women. You wouldn't see him with a skinny woman unless he's holding her for the police, or so I once heard an old friend say.
Do obese women go for the guy who appears to be extremely into her because she has low self esteem? Again yes and no. There are those women who have low self esteem and any attention feels like oxygen, but there are many women who wouldn't. Body issues plague woman of all sizes. Wishing you all the best sweetie.
Hey Roni.
I know this is considered "girls talk", but I figured I'd lend a man's spin to this, if you don't mind.
That's he's "overbearing" is a red flag. It can sigal overt interest, true, but it can also be a precursor to control issues. You don't want someone who feels the need to control because that can be problematic.
I agree with Mack (wow, I feel a fever coming on) in that the times he calls is a red-flag as well. Is homey calling from work? Why not at night? Is there a reason such as a wife/girlfriend/boyfriend (hey, its 2010, you never know)?
"I need to see you" means what, exactly? I'll tell you what it means. He may well BE someone who "preys" on big girls, thinking there may well be self-esteem issues. He is going to tell you things he thinks you want to hear to get what he wants..in this case, "I need to see you" probably means straight sex and not much else.
He might be sincere, one never knows, but IF you decide to proceed, do so with caution. While it may be flattering to have someone come at you so hard, a lot of times the agenda may not be to your advantage.
*we continue with ur regularly scheduled program*
I know this is considered "girls talk", but I figured I'd lend a man's spin to this, if you don't mind.
That's he's "overbearing" is a red flag. It can sigal overt interest, true, but it can also be a precursor to control issues. You don't want someone who feels the need to control because that can be problematic.
I agree with Mack (wow, I feel a fever coming on) in that the times he calls is a red-flag as well. Is homey calling from work? Why not at night? Is there a reason such as a wife/girlfriend/boyfriend (hey, its 2010, you never know)?
"I need to see you" means what, exactly? I'll tell you what it means. He may well BE someone who "preys" on big girls, thinking there may well be self-esteem issues. He is going to tell you things he thinks you want to hear to get what he wants..in this case, "I need to see you" probably means straight sex and not much else.
He might be sincere, one never knows, but IF you decide to proceed, do so with caution. While it may be flattering to have someone come at you so hard, a lot of times the agenda may not be to your advantage.
*we continue with ur regularly scheduled program*
and 
Most Active
Recent Topics
