I need to set boundaries

Hey BAF, I been thinking about something. I know food & not exercising are my biggest issues. But now that I am working on that, I am seeing other areas that have also contributed to the way I feel about myself. Because I am just starting my journey, I want to know what things that others have had  to either give up, change, or some realizations that contributed their unhealthy life. For me, I feel that I need to set boundaries with my mother. I love her to death but she has made me her sounding board my whole life. It's so bad that when we are on the phone, she dominates the conversation. If I try to give an opinion opposite of hers it gets ugly. I know that this has been very unhealthy for me, but she's my mom. I know that for me to be successful with this, I am going to have to set some boundaries. I hope this make sense.

chile.......yo mama sounds JUST like mine!!  I will come back here later today to reply further - but I SOOOOOO feel you!!!

Somehow I just KNEW you were going to respond to this thread... 

  oh yeaaaaa - and only because I HAVE to finish some things here at work before I leave today am I not responding in FULL....but oh when I get home....... LOL!!!!!

There were a few  people that I cut loose because I came to the conclusion that they didn't have my best interests at heart.  Two were long time acquaintances and the other is a family member.  It hurt to do it at the time, but it was necessary.  I'm at peace with my choices.

I was staying with my family for a few months after my divorce t get back on my feet. Can you say UNHEALTHY as HELL...all the childhood issues came out plus some. Alter wls, I moved out. There was NO WAY I was going to be able to change my lifestyle in that environment. Love my mama....blessed to have her.... but YES ..boundaries are a MUST will all sorts of people. I feel so good about myself when I care enough about ME to toe the line in the sand.Sometimes it's uncomfortable, but so worth it.

Setting boundaries means changing the relationship paradigm.  Folks don't like that but they don't need to.  This is all about you.  If it can't be fixed to where you're no longer stressing over it, you may need to cut it loose. 

Every person in your life has a time and season.  Its up to you to determine when that time has passed.  Believe me when I tell you we each have been purged from the lives of many others.  Sometimes it is our turn to do the purging. 

Thanks for all the replies, I hoped that some one would understand.

Okay - I got busy and didn't have time to circle back around before now - but lemme tell you this - my mom is a mofo.  For real.  She was so against me having WLS, she REFUSED to take me to the hospital the day of.  She told me I was just lazy and not really trying hard enough to lose.

One of the things I did was to 'shelve' her - meaning I stopped engaging with her for a long time - and when we did talk, if she went left or started in on something that didn't sit right with me, I ended the interaction QUICK.  I know cause she's your mom, you want to be connected and involved with her - but you've got to make her understand it has to be positive or it ain't happening.  That takes a while to figure out how to approach and say - took me 5 years and a whole lot of therapy sessions to figure out how to come at my mom - we now understand each other better and communicate without real issue - when we do have a problem, we've set rules on how we discuss it so that neither of us feel upset.

As for the phone - don't answer!  LOL  I do that shyt all the time - mofos HATE trying to get me on the phone cause if I don't feel like talking, I ain't picking the damn call up to tell you so - I just ain't answering - leave me a message, I'll listen to it, if I want to respond I will  - when I get GOOD AND DAMN READY.  My mental space is my property - and it's got a manned security gate - if you don't pass the screening process, you ain't gettin in!  And I don't allow questions as to why I do what I do - mofos know not to ask me 'I called you earlier, you ain't answer - why?'  I don't say shyt to that, I move right into 'So what did you call for? What's up?' If they push they get 'cause I didn't pick up the phone' - and I repeat that shyt till they realize I ain't the mofo to answer to another grown azz mofo about my damn business.  and YES - I have told this to my mom  as well. 

The issue/concern I had with standing up to my mom and demanding change in our dynamic was I was afraid she'd say no and leave - I can't stand her azz a lot of the time, but I love her just the same - so I was afraid I'd lose her.  But you know what?  Just like you put up with what you do cause she's your mom and you love her - your mom probably feels the same.  She doesn't want to lose you either - if you can find your voice and demand what you need in a way that doesn't make her wrong or attacked - you two may be able to build a constructive communication path and get to more of a positive relationship. 

good luck to you!!!! 

Now that's real!!! You are a trip. But you always keep it real. I appreciate your response. This is something I have been battling for a minute. Now I am tired and ready for it to change.  I can say it is a little better than it used to be but still not where it need to be.