Black women and EXTRA LBS!!!

Good morning BAF

A friend of mine sent an article to me and I felt it was fitting to discuss on BAF. This article raises the issues of obesity in the black community and ties in with black single women not being able to find a man. It was really interesting and I thought I might pass it along to all of you for your opinions.

Please forgive me I'm sending this from my phone and I hope you can get the article.

blogs.essence.com/a_belle_in_brooklyn/2010/02/weight-y-matters_are_black_womens_extra_pounds_affecting_their_relationshipsmhtml

If the link isn't right please go to essence.com and search "weight-y matters by Demetria L. Lucas

Have a Blessed day and stay FOCUSED!!!

Xoxo

Kerbi

Found it! http://blogs.essence.com/a_belle_in_brooklyn/2010/02/weight-y-matters-are-black-womens-extra-pounds-affecting-their-relationships.html

Some things that has always stuck with me while I was dating:

1. When I was in my early 20's and physically fit, I never had any problems dating. Turning heads was easy and my schedule stayed full.

2. Met my husband when I was "thick". He loved the curves. My so called curves got out of hand and I became obese. He wanted me to get back to my "pre-wedding cake weight". He was initially against my scheduled December 2005 surgery, but quickly got over it when he realized that it would help cure my comorbidities. Life happened and he passed September 2005. I postponed surgery and decided to do lose weight without surgery.

3. Lost the weight after his death and started to feel and look healthy. Again my schedule was full. Got comfy with a guy who loved buffets and the weight piled back on. We broke up and I was now being pursued by  (no offense) Chubby Chasers. I wanted a guy to see me for me. What's on the inside, not for my wide hips, thick thighs and ample bosom. This was an eye opener. 

Now from the article:

"would you make an effort to hit the gym to get, or keep, a man?"

In my early 20s, hell yeah! I was more serious about my health and wanted to stay on top of my game. Competition...yeah I said it, was fierce. If I went out with my "heavier friends" it was likely that they were the ones sitting (not dancing), buying (no free) drinks and not receiving attention.  Now granted, not all heavier women experienced this. But I was the sista who has always been a dues paying member of the No Ass Club so keeping my temple toned and shaped took attention away from my small (but well-squatted and tight) ass. So yes, back then, I hit the gym to keep my schedule full.


Now, the game has changed. Had WLS in 2008 and I'm healthier. But most importantly, I'm happy with me. Happily in a relationship with a good man. But now I'm the one that is pushing my fiance to lose weight and to become healthier. If I became "suddenly single", I highly doubt that I would entertain the thought of dating someone who was overweight....just keeping it real.

Thanks Wonka, ur so helpful! I think I added an extra letter, lol! It's the opposite for me. I got more "play" as a biggems than I do now! What's up with that?! Granted they were ALL (minus a couple) the wrong guys for me, but now I get the lames coming up to me. By lames I mean men with no ambition, drive, car, job, money or hope! What boggles me is that they have the BIGGEST ego ever! Lmbo! Idk...I just wanted to share with all of you and I hope ur day is going well.

 Kerbi, girl it took me about ten minutes to find the article.  I was determined to find out what you was talking about!

Were you able to read the comments from the web article? I only saw part of the comments...couldn't view the info on the right side of the page. 

Lol, I'm sorry! That's why I gave a disclaimer before the link, lol! Yep, I was able to read them. Some agreed that women need to get themselves in shape. The very first comment was from a guy that said "I won't even date an overweight (whether she fat, thick, or obese) woman. I was dumbfounded when I read that! Big girls need love too! Plus it just seemed a little superficial.

If fat bytches need love - they need to find a mofo that loves fat bytches.  There is no obligation to accept something you don't like.

I'm dumbfounded by the fact that you think it's superficial - as if being attracted to a person is soley personality - like looks don't matter.....they DO!!! 

 People are superficial. SOME of us don't like to focus on what's important. As long as it's good on the outside, SOME of us don't care if it's rotten on the inside. 

Wow! Wonka........I can appreciate your honesty........now i need to read the article. lol :)

Great article – and you know I’m about to be REAL in the field…….

 

HEYL YES being a fat azz chick is going to keep dudes away – and **** that whole ‘love me for me’ bullchit – that is NOT what it’s all about.  Now, gaining due to illness or some medical reason – understandable.  However – being fat because you’re too lazy – NOT.

 

I have a friend who had WLS a few months after me – she’s only been in the gym maybe twice in 5 years – she’s a size 6 now – but I wonder how long she’ll keep that going since she’s started shoveling carbs and not other bull…….

 

As for me – I have my pre-plastic surgery body shots to show me why the heck I wasn’t in the running for any dude – heck, I turned ME off.  And blah, blah, blah about if you really love a person.  What if you don’t already have someone – how do you ATTRACT a mofo with all that ish going on?  I have the same personality now as I did then – but I tell you what – I KNEW I wasn’t as ‘dateable’ because of my weight.  And that was nobody’s issue BUT mine.

 

As a now confessed gym rat – I make it a point and purpose in my life to carve out time for exercise – so much so that I now get up at 4:30 AM to get it in.  What kills me is the chicks I know who balk at working out because of their hair, or they’re tired or they don’t feel like going out of their way, but the same bytches will agree to meet up at a buffet to ‘get they eat on’ in a heartbeat……..

 

And the guys I attract and hang with now – they are all fit (never dated big dudes anyway) but one of the things I CONSTANTLY hear is that #1 – they LOVE the fact that I am so fit and toned.  #2 – LOVE the fact that I will tell them ‘sorry – gotta decline – I hit the gym tomorrow morning and I don’t want to be tired. #3 – that I made the choice to have WLS and I remain committed to a healthy lifestyle.  One guy told me that his concern with a large woman is how healthy will she be long term?  No guy wants to partner with someone they will have to deal with taking care of co-morbid conditions for the rest of their life!  

 

Being thick – BUT FIT – is where it’s REALLY at.  Yea – I weigh 200lbs, but I can:

 

Hop on a treadmill at 4.4 mph for 20 min and still carry on a conversation THEN

Complete a full weight lifting workout with lbs that some guys can do themselves

 

When I go out to eat – no buffets and no heavy carbs – when I cook – it’s fresh, healthy and sensible.  No smothered this and fried that – not tasteless either.  Guys I meet appreciate knowing that I am constantly working on keeping my body healthy.  

 

I think waayyy too many Black women use that ‘Thick n sexy’ bullchit as a cheeseburger exemption clause and excuse to be fat and lazy – yea – I said it!!!!  And I’ve seen a couple folks on here try to cover with that chit – naw cuz – if you gained, you gained and need to lose – don’t get all comfy and happy with your new curves – get off ya azz and lose that chit QUICK!  Added pounds come around like Bebe’s kids……they don’t die – they MULTIPLY!!!!

So true I just come to realize this.