Love from the past.....
Hey family, recently I have had two experiences that have got me.....thinking.....
In the past year, two men with whom I had relationships with many, many, many years ago resurfaced. One very recently. Both found me. They are both now happily married with young children. I do not believe that they are interested, in the least, in reconnecting with me (regardless of whatever fantasy or memory rolling through their heads). The truth is, risking what they have would be too great, not to mention that I would never even considering it. But to have found me meant they had to be thinking about me. That, in itself, I find shocking.
If you were to ask me 10 minutes before either one of these men contacted me if I thought they even remembered me, I would have said an absolute NO. In fact, I would have told you that (at least the second one) would have not even remembered my name, never mind ever thought of me again. I surmised that after our relationships were over that they were not upset by it's ending in the least. I was left feeling like they didn't care about or loved me in the least. I picked my life and kept moving.
Well....I found out that one of these men has carried a "torch" for me for 23 years, never forgetting me, even publishing a poem about me in 2008. ( I was in my early 20's when we dated)!!! The second said " Brenda, all I will say is that you are anything but forgettable. You have no idea how you touch the heart of a man." .......wow......
So...have any of you had a love from the past resurface and tell you that they have always loved you?
In the past year, two men with whom I had relationships with many, many, many years ago resurfaced. One very recently. Both found me. They are both now happily married with young children. I do not believe that they are interested, in the least, in reconnecting with me (regardless of whatever fantasy or memory rolling through their heads). The truth is, risking what they have would be too great, not to mention that I would never even considering it. But to have found me meant they had to be thinking about me. That, in itself, I find shocking.
If you were to ask me 10 minutes before either one of these men contacted me if I thought they even remembered me, I would have said an absolute NO. In fact, I would have told you that (at least the second one) would have not even remembered my name, never mind ever thought of me again. I surmised that after our relationships were over that they were not upset by it's ending in the least. I was left feeling like they didn't care about or loved me in the least. I picked my life and kept moving.
Well....I found out that one of these men has carried a "torch" for me for 23 years, never forgetting me, even publishing a poem about me in 2008. ( I was in my early 20's when we dated)!!! The second said " Brenda, all I will say is that you are anything but forgettable. You have no idea how you touch the heart of a man." .......wow......
So...have any of you had a love from the past resurface and tell you that they have always loved you?
(deactivated member)
on 3/23/10 4:46 am - ~Somewhere in~, PA
on 3/23/10 4:46 am - ~Somewhere in~, PA
Hey B,
If it were ME, I would tread lightly on "old flames" I even reconnected with my high school sweetheart last year, but I found out that he was really "stuck" in his ways due to age and ONLY wanted to "kick it" meaning, he was in ATL and I was in Virginia and he just wanted somewhere where he could "escape too" on vacation and I am not about dragging on relationships, I was looking for A REAL relationship and not just a relationship where once the "intimacy" was over we went out separate ways.
A lot of my girlfriends in ATL that were single "remained" single and just dated and "kicked it" with married men or they just rekindled relationships with "old flames" and live in separate homes and only got together on weekends or special occasion, and this is OK, they mentioned they did not want the commitment of a full time spouse and plus due to the MAN shortage there were a LOT of sharing too. I just could not kick it that way.
The dating "game" is totally different in when you get in your 40s MOST of the guys I ran across had kids, homes and if they were single parents, they were NOT READY to change their lifestyle meaning, they were not willing to uproot and get married they were comfortable with just "dating" and living in separate households, I guess they had had a terrible marriage and did not want to go through THAT AGAIN...so dating after 40 have its challenges, you have to deal with the other mans kids, and some may have MANY....and some men are set in their ways, and honestly did not want to deal with a MAN that STILL had kids at home because they could not really spend much of their FREE time with ME! I had to let a guy go for that very reason, he was dealing with his teenage daughters, school, after school activities, sports etc...he really did not have TIME that I required in a relationship, this is why I only wanted to date a guy with with NO children OR GROWN children that had left the home.
This is why it took me SO long to find the TYPE of man I was looking for, nowadays dating is NOT the same as it was 20 years ago, the "game" HAS changed, LOOKS are NOT that important to men like they were long time ago, because you have so many young women in their 20s are doing ANYTHING and giving up sex to much much older men and they are a dime a dozen and women nowadays seem to don't REQUIRE MUCH COURTING before giving up the "coochie" hell some girls these days will give it up the FIRST day and won't think twice about...men can get sex too easily this is why treating a women like a QUEEN has become almost extinct and guys are looking for women to go dutch and such when going on a date...I can't believe how WOMEN have LOWERED their standards and they are not ugly women this is why men can get sex a dime a dozen. But to keep it real B, MOST GOOD MEN ARE MARRIED after you reach 40 years old, only the left overs and men that women have "kicked out" are available most of the time
..but it is possible to luck up and find a good man that is available.
But again you are in Arizona and the dating game is probably different and the male/female ratio is probably even.. coz here on the East Cost ESPECIALLY in the DC area dating is horrible, you got that are gorgeous with high level degrees have a hard time finding good men, coz most men here are gay, or either married or thugs...so you don't have much to choose from...lol....
But on the sly note...give it a try and see how it goes, you have nothing to lose see what he is talking about he could very well STILL be in love with you B, you are gorgeous and still look 10-15 younger than your age, but tread lightly and with caution if he is "happily married"
If it were ME, I would tread lightly on "old flames" I even reconnected with my high school sweetheart last year, but I found out that he was really "stuck" in his ways due to age and ONLY wanted to "kick it" meaning, he was in ATL and I was in Virginia and he just wanted somewhere where he could "escape too" on vacation and I am not about dragging on relationships, I was looking for A REAL relationship and not just a relationship where once the "intimacy" was over we went out separate ways.
A lot of my girlfriends in ATL that were single "remained" single and just dated and "kicked it" with married men or they just rekindled relationships with "old flames" and live in separate homes and only got together on weekends or special occasion, and this is OK, they mentioned they did not want the commitment of a full time spouse and plus due to the MAN shortage there were a LOT of sharing too. I just could not kick it that way.
The dating "game" is totally different in when you get in your 40s MOST of the guys I ran across had kids, homes and if they were single parents, they were NOT READY to change their lifestyle meaning, they were not willing to uproot and get married they were comfortable with just "dating" and living in separate households, I guess they had had a terrible marriage and did not want to go through THAT AGAIN...so dating after 40 have its challenges, you have to deal with the other mans kids, and some may have MANY....and some men are set in their ways, and honestly did not want to deal with a MAN that STILL had kids at home because they could not really spend much of their FREE time with ME! I had to let a guy go for that very reason, he was dealing with his teenage daughters, school, after school activities, sports etc...he really did not have TIME that I required in a relationship, this is why I only wanted to date a guy with with NO children OR GROWN children that had left the home.
This is why it took me SO long to find the TYPE of man I was looking for, nowadays dating is NOT the same as it was 20 years ago, the "game" HAS changed, LOOKS are NOT that important to men like they were long time ago, because you have so many young women in their 20s are doing ANYTHING and giving up sex to much much older men and they are a dime a dozen and women nowadays seem to don't REQUIRE MUCH COURTING before giving up the "coochie" hell some girls these days will give it up the FIRST day and won't think twice about...men can get sex too easily this is why treating a women like a QUEEN has become almost extinct and guys are looking for women to go dutch and such when going on a date...I can't believe how WOMEN have LOWERED their standards and they are not ugly women this is why men can get sex a dime a dozen. But to keep it real B, MOST GOOD MEN ARE MARRIED after you reach 40 years old, only the left overs and men that women have "kicked out" are available most of the time
..but it is possible to luck up and find a good man that is available.But again you are in Arizona and the dating game is probably different and the male/female ratio is probably even.. coz here on the East Cost ESPECIALLY in the DC area dating is horrible, you got that are gorgeous with high level degrees have a hard time finding good men, coz most men here are gay, or either married or thugs...so you don't have much to choose from...lol....
But on the sly note...give it a try and see how it goes, you have nothing to lose see what he is talking about he could very well STILL be in love with you B, you are gorgeous and still look 10-15 younger than your age, but tread lightly and with caution if he is "happily married"
No,no,no...you got it confused...I am NOT INTERESTED in rekindling ANY thing with either of these men. Nor are they interested in me ( I don't believe). My question was have you had an experience with someone from your past resurfacing that has always been in love with you and were you taken by surprise that they were. Trust me, I don't do married men and I damn sure won't be settling for sloppy seconds under any cir****tances. All I meant was that I was completely caught off guard by their remaining feelings for me is all.
(deactivated member)
on 3/23/10 5:59 am - ~Somewhere in~, PA
on 3/23/10 5:59 am - ~Somewhere in~, PA
Sorry...I am working at home this week on two different contacts and assume you were thinking about it...in that case..don't DO IT!
!!! 
. 
I think it's normal to sometimes wonder what happened to an old flame even if you'd never seriously consider getting back together with them. There are a couple of guys I dated that I wonder whatever became of them. Don't want them, just curious. They were nice guys, just not the right guys for me. I hope they're happy and doing well.
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