OA KCB and Others - Please Step in and Analyze....

Okay, I'm going to REALLY open up today.

OA KCB reply on "Black Women and Extra LBS" post hit close to home - but in an opposite way. Kudos on her raising an active  I have a son who can play outside ALL day if you let him. I also have young family members who rather sit in front of the TV all day and not burn one calorie.

But here's my thought....

"What You Used to Get Him, Is What You Use to Keep Him"

Growing up (and even now) this is what my mother used to preach to my sisters and I. For as long as I can remember, she popped pills, took laxatives and was on crash diets. Recently she told me that she would eat crackers with butter for lunch when she was younger.

She exercised. She walked to work when the weather was nice. I remember sitting on her feet when she did her sit-ups. 

I can't remember a time when her lipstick didn't match her nail polish. She went to the beauty shop faithfully and only wore a scarf on her head when it was time to go to bed. Now at 74, she rocks a silver natural that is quite flattering on her. I just wish she would give up her Sunday church wigs.

 But here's my point...

Her behavior influenced me...a great deal. I had some episodes of bulimia in high school, skipped meals in college (still managed to gain that freshmen ten!) and did diet pills and crash diets as an adult. 

I went into my step-daughter's (in training) bedroom over the weekend to put away her laundry. I was floored when I found empty containers and bags of junk food in her garbage. Yes, I do buy snacks, but I strive to keep the ENTIRE family healthy so I guess she was getting tired of eating soy nuts and edamame 

I do encourage her to exercise. She's not big, but I have noticed a slight weight gain in the past six months. I added her on to our gym membership last year and she hasn't gone yet. 

Am I doomed to repeat history?

I do think it's true that children learn what we show them and not what we tell them BUT you have changed up the history.  Your mother's habits were not all healthy, but you have changed that in your life.  Yes you buy snacks, but for the most part you are striving for an over all healthy lifestyle that does not include binging and purging. 

I feel that children, well...people on average now a days are far less active and healthy then they use to be.  She isn't alone.  So many children/young people are far more sedentary then we were as kids.  Also, the eating behaviors she is learning may not be coming solely from you.  We forget that our children are influenced by other people as well. 

I do think it's important to keep the dialog going about healthy eating, exercise and a healthy mindset.  I think it is equally important to live it in front of her as you have done.

Thanks Glam. Growing up with my Moms was something else. She took me to JC Penneys when my rolls started to roll for my first girdle. I was not able to breathe but she kept telling me to give it time. I swear, I had the WORST heartburn while wearing it!

Lately she's been eating so little at dinner. I usually cook healthy but I keep it really tasty. The kids don't realize I use ground turkey or use tofu strips/crumbles in place of beef. Or Tofutti instead of sour cream. Maybe she doesn't like my cooking? 

Edited

 I'm humbled and flattered that you would ask my opinion.�

I do not believe you�are doomed to repeat history with your kids.� If�they were not dysfunctional eaters before, in my opinion, they won't switch without a catalyst to trigger that change.�

Like you and your mom, daughter emulated mother.� I am a compulsive over eater and a binge eater.� So is she.� Where we differ is why we eat and why we are obese.� We each have behavioral and medical reasons�for being fat.� Compulsive over eating began in response to trauma or what we perceived as trauma.� My obesity was slow and emotionally driven.� Her obesity was fast and emotionally driven.��There were periods when despite her hormonal issues she lost some weight, dieted well, made steady progress.� Then dealing with events would overwhelm her and the eating would begin again.� This is her pattern.� She got it from me.�

It can�be that your daughter's just not into the gym but likes her snacks and does not want to tempt you.��She could possibly fear criticism of having junk food, given your healthy life style.� Maybe comments have been made about her weight and she does not want to invite any more.� Or, like most kids, her room is her sanctuary and she's just a normal teen chillin' with a snack.�

Not many kids get excited over edame.� I would worry if she knows its ok to eat these foods at home in moderation, yet she hides food or the garbage indicates large quantities of food.� That is a sign of an�eating disorder and potential for obesity or even bulemia.��

Keep an eye on�her eating behavior without being obvious about it.� Let her know she can openly eat what she likes and�see if she hides in order�to eat.��Check out the site www.Therevoverygroup.org.� They have a section for teen obesity issues.� I wish I'd knew ten years ago what I know now.��Some interesting information�are the signs of compulsive eating behavior.�

If you understand your own dysfunctional eating behavior and can talk to her about it, she may gain� insight into her own eating patterns.� Hopefully she's just a regular junk food luvn' kid.�

����

That was deep, EXTRA deep. I thank you for your honesty and sincereness.  You are a WONDERFUL mother!

I really appreciate this post and all of the replies. My daughter is only 8 and already out of the girls Dept for clothes. I try to maintain a healthy balance for her without her feeling deprived but it's VERY hard. I have found snack bags in her room and this gives me some insight. Thanks Ladies!

Society oftend tends to blame the parent's for a child who is slightly overweight. And perhaps we do have fault. But many of us live in cities we don't feel safe letting our children out to go play as we did. I recall as a child, and I was never obese till the birth of my first child, that we played hopscotch, manhunt, jumped rope, and were outside since the sun came out on Saturday and Sunday till the sun went down. We didn't have xbox or PS3 or all of this technology, heck we didnt even have the internet till a couple of years ago... So we shelter our kids from crime and stuff and don't encourage them to work out. When I lived in the city, my son was not allowed to go outside and play infront of the house, in fear that a stolen car may hit him but now that I live in the mountains, my kids go outside and play for hours. the only fear I have is the damn Bears... yes we have Bears...  LOL

Another thing is that most of us women work, and work Dammn hard and long hours and sometimes it is easier to grab take out than cook after a long day at work...

I just learn to take time out  of my schedule and put my kids in dance, cheer tumble and cheerleading, not my son of course, he is in track.. LOl Nothing wrong with a boy cheerleader, he just rather run track....

I'm probably off topic but I think technology has made us lazy....

I agree with you 100%.  Most chubby kids are just living a 21st century lifestyle.  Higher calorie foods and lower calorie activities.  Its just not always feasible for families to get their children involved in an activities outside the house.  It may be due to costs or availability or neighborhood saftey.

I think it's just a kid thing to squirrel away junk food.   My step daughters do it and they're both normal weight.  Even though there are usually cookies in the cookie jar and ice cream in the freezer, I still sometimes find candy wrappers or other signs that they bought junk food when they were out with their daddy.  I don't stress over it.  The 12-year-old is very active; loves to ride her bike and run.  The oldest has a high metabolism like my husband.   She's a tiny little thing, but that girl can hide some food!  I actually watched her for a while to make sure she wasn't bulimic or anything, because I couldn't believe how much she could eat and still wear size zero clothes.