Is the grass ALWAYS greener? Do you get hit on and get tempted ater wls to go with...
on 3/11/10 4:18 am - ~Somewhere in~, PA
Good morning,
I have a question, as most of my friends know I am engaged and pretty much "happy" HOWEVER, I never mentioned that I constantly get hit on all the time, but I have ignored it up until recenty.....with the job that my contracted just ended, there used to be a guy where I worked used to hit on me all the time but I sort of ignored his advances toward me, but one day when it was raining he offered to drive me to my car so I let him and then he asked if he could take me to lunch the next day, I told him that I was engaged and was pretty much "happy and in love".
This was about a month prior to my contract ending, so he took me to lunch the next day and pulled off my coat in the restaurant (which I was really not comfortable with) since a lot of my co-workers was at the restaurant and KNOW that I was engaged to another guy. I think this guy KNEW what he was doing since HE KNEW I was engaged and when we walked back to the building he tried to hold my hands and I pulled back and told him I am not ready for that and then he said "you are not married yet". So I gave him this dirty look.
Then he would send my emails at work asking for my home number and I would not give it to him, I wanted to keep our relationship strictly business and platonic and at work.
So fast forward three weeks ago, I got word that our contracted ending and that was abruptly and I had to quickly search for a job and I met this guy in the hallway near the lab where we were bothing working, he is a "software engineer" too but he worked for another division and his contract was stable until next year and then he told me to give him my resume and he would submit it to his company since he knew personally knew all the "movers and shakers" in his company and he would promised he could get me a job there.
So I gave him my resume which required me to give him my home number too, I went on some interviews with his company and I got a call from his companies HR department and they actually offered me a job, BUT...I had already found another job by the time I received a job offer from his company.
So after all of this, this guy seem to be REALLY INTO ME....talking me to lunch several times and offering to take me to romantic places and so forth; he even sent me pictures of his big house that he just purchased and he only lives 5 miles from my subdivision, I told him about me and my fiance and me having to move and sell my place before me and my fiancee can get married since my fiance lives in another state and we decided to compromise and move halfway in northeast Maryland.
Then this new guy tries to persuade me NOT to get married and he would treat me like a queen and I could rent out my condo and move in with him since he has a huge house and then he tells me his is retired military and his military pension pays for mortgage and I did not have to do much if I moved in with him, I mean this guy is REALLY aggressive with me and I have told him the DEAL, even when he calls me I don't return his calls., I am honestly getting confused and (tempted) since this guy lives near me and I will not have to move to another state if we got together and he makes MORE money than my fiancee, but my fiancee has more assets.....a few properties....
He is about 3 years older than me, about 6'0 tall slim; and told me he would quickly replace my ring with a bigger one....
Now I am honestly so confused...I have not been returning my finacee phone calls in the last day and I know he is worried, I just have a lot on my mind and I just don't know what I am thinking these days....
So I am SURE others have been in my shoes...is the grass ALWAYS greener, I've had no doubts about my current relationship up until now since I am being tempted by this other guy who lives near by....Can anybody else related to this? Is the Grass always Greener?
Now, not later. Not after you check out the other grass. Do it now. Spare him the pain of finding out before you tell him.
From your responses, you're not that into him, well at least not anymore. Stop trying to convince yourself that you are.
The other guy isn't "REALLY INTO ME". You've dated enough to know the difference between pillow talk and real talk. Here's a hint...he knows what's going on in your head. He knows your are materialistic. How? He send you pics of his BIG house, tells you how much he makes...that **** right there is ULTRA appealing to you. HOOK. LINE. SINKER.
To answer your shoe question....Nope, I'm hysterically, deliciously, wet as hell in love and I ignore advances because that other grass could just be artificial (or in your case, superficial) turf.
We all know that it may look greener and we get curious about it, fantasize about how good it could be and how much better it can be… we get tempted and we decide to take a sneak peak….
But what you don’t realize is that taking that temptation can get yourself well and truly.………..
***Edited to add how I truly feel***
**Weight loss since June 08**
on 3/11/10 4:26 am - ~Somewhere in~, PA
I have a lot of things established where I live, and I will have to uproot and I just wanted to make sure I am making the right decision....Erik's mom have called me several times when I wanted to "take a breather" and she talked me out of it...coz he loves me so much, but again, I just want to make sure I am making the right decision for me right now, even if we love someone there are other factors in a relationship that we must consider before walking down the aisle.
You're correct, I only know your from OH..HOWEVER...I never said you "sleep around". I wrote that you have dated a lot. A fact that you have shared with many on the boards.
I have always been honest with Erik.
Failing to tell him about your dates is hardly honest...just omissions. I compare that to telling someone that you're on birth control, but you only remember to take it every other day.
Erik's mom have called me several times when I wanted to "take a breather" and she talked me out of it.
Don't let her talk you out of it. Unless she is snoring in your face, paying your bills or wetting your ***** it's none of her business.
There are other factors in a relationship that we must consider before walking down the aisle.
You're correct. But look inside of yourself and do what's best for Erik. You are not happy, let him know. Get off the fence and do something to avoid a DISASTER. You are engaged to him...one step from being married. Set him free so that he can find the true love of his life.
**Weight loss since June 08**
on 3/11/10 5:06 am - ~Somewhere in~, PA
I've let Erik know that I had lunch with a guy at work...and told him about it....so I am honest with him, I told him that guy tried to get me a job..and Erik told me that I could get the guy for sexual harassment because he was coming on to me aggressively, and I only decided to have lunch with him to discuss a job with his company....but again, we did not work for the same company and after all the guy really tried to get me a job and was nice about even if he tried to hit on me...but again, I've NEVER kissed the guy nor went out on a date with him, I did have lunch with him twice at work, but again, that was a lunch meeting.....I don't care how the guy perceived the luncheon to be...so I don't feel like I was "cheating"....
Well.. I've become very close to his mom and I treat her like she is my mom.. she talks to me when I am really down about things...I guess we need to go to couseling to make sure this is what we both need and want.....
I love you. You know that I do and I'm not trying to hurt you in the least sweetheart, but I gotta say that, I told him that I was engaged and was pretty much "happy and in love" does not sound like you are happy or in love. You sound and have hinted as of late, that you are not happy. Erik deserves better treatment than to not be called back. He deserves a heart felt, honest conversation. He deserves the truth. Wouldn't you want that if the shoe was on the other foot?
IMO, this has nothing to do with being hit on. This has to do with a woman who is re-thinking her choice of the man she is with and that's okay. If you feel like you are "settling" for Erik, then you are and you would not be doing either of you any favors by marrying him.
Okay, confession time, I "settled" for my soon to be ex. I had been so hurt by the man before him that I decided that "love" just wasn't working out for me. I just wanted a decent guy with a job and who was christian, who wanted children, didn't drink or smoke and wouldn't beat me. He asked me to marry him two weeks after we met. I never took the time to know this man, I just took the ring. It didn't matter to me that he was white or that I wasn't really attracted to him. My thinking was I had the handsome guy, the guy I was head over heals in love with and it never worked out so now I was going to just keep it simple. What I got was a man who is bipolar, has OCD and who has grown meaner and meaner over the years. He is manipulative and selfish. He can be staggeringly cold hearted. He was a devout Catholic for most of his life and still was when we met, but left the faith shortly after our daughter was born and just last year ( with his cancer ) became born again BUT hasn't stepped foot into a church. He still expects me to do his praying for him! (yea, not so much) The only thing he has ever wanted to do was work. His hobby is his work and his work is his work. He has never had friends. He is socially retarded. He never beat me, but he is emotionally abusive and has neglected his child and broken her heart in a way that only God could repair. So....
If you have doubt...talk it out. This new man that is turning your head...is just a distraction. If you were really happy with Erik, this man, any man, SUPER man could not have turned your head. A woman in love is a powerful thing. Talk to Erik Na.
on 3/11/10 4:31 am - ~Somewhere in~, PA
HOWEVER....I am having to uproot and sell my place in order for to live happily ever after just because of the distance, I've even asked him to move down my way, but since he loves his job and it is less expense where he lives he wants ME to move closer to him...I will willing to do all of this until I started to think as of late...I guess I just need time to REALLY think this engagement over...and when we are tempted by other men..it CAN sometimes cloud our judgment....you are right I will have another long talk with Erik tonight. ~~ smooches ~~
on 3/11/10 12:23 am, edited 3/11/10 4:41 am
Maybe just be you. Sit and be still for a bit. Decide what is important to you, and if it is materialistic things-don't be afraid to pursue that(you wouldn't be the 1st woman in this world to settle for financial stability).
But you owe it to Erik to allow him to be with someone that absolutely loves and adores him, and if you are 2nd guessing-maybe, just maybe that woman isn't you.
on 3/11/10 4:40 am - ~Somewhere in~, PA
It's not about materialistic things but that helps, I guess when another guy sort of approached me and my current situation with Erik him living in another state and me having to move he just questioned why I needed to uproot when there are guys that are available and willing to marry me here locally....I guess he caught me at a venerable time.....thanks for your feedback.
