I am gonna give church another shot (semi-long rambling post)

Hey fam,

I don't know how many of you watch Tyler Perry's movie, "I Can Do Bad All By Myself" but I thought it was a very good movie. I watched it this past weekend AND I cried and cried....talked to God and cried some more. By the end of the movie...I was rejoicing in the fact that the movie had a happy ending but also for the thoughts that it brought to me.  It made me feel like going to the altar. As I have said many times before, a movie is good to me when it makes me "feel something".   I was really touched by all of the church scenes in the movie. They reminded me of the good uplifting times and feelings that I have experienced in church. The spiritual uplifting...the fellowship AND the songs of praise.

Yes...I am definitely a believer but again...my relationship with God is very personal... I don't know who others are worshiping but all I know is that I am worshiping a God that has helped me through some very tough times. I can't honestly say, if its the God of the bible...to me God is unknown and until my God is revealed to me as other than THE FEELING I get when I know I am NOT alone even when there is no one else in the room...its enough for now. I know my God is very loving AND not the punishing God of my childhood. I was not raised in the church but I was always on a mission to know God from a very young age. I figure God was the only one that could help me make sense of my life.

I have not been to church in a while. I have sought out a church home for as long as I can remember. I would go for a while and then would become disenchanted with some of the so called , "saints" messing with my spirit. I go to church as a sinner AND I don't judge anyone for their life or lifestyle...I try to live a good life but I am far from perfect. I  figure we all are trying to do the best we can BUT I  get so perturb when folks try to act like they are better than others or cast their nose down on others for whatever reason. Yes...I love the Lord. I believe in Jesus AND can believe that he died to show us the right way to live...unselfishly BUT I simply can't believe everything I read in the bible. I honestly think that some of the writings are paternalistic and were a way to basically control others through fear with personal gains as the motivation. There are a lot of good parts that I enjoy reading. I am not trying to offend anyone...these are just my thoughts AND I know that I can be wrong. I know my God will not judge me harshly if I have difficulty trusting in man (humans) to the point of basing my salvation on "their" understanding.

I say all this to say...that I long to go to church. I want my kids to at least experience all the positive things that it has to offer.... I do feel guilty at times for not showing encouragement by making it a routine in our lives.  I just get tired of greedy folks, judgmental folks and the like that come to church to do the devil's work.

I am sure others struggle in this area.....how do you make church work for you AND not feed into the negativity that can sometimes lurk within those walls. I wish I could find a church where everyone met up by the lake or some other beautiful place to just worship without worrying about overhead or the pastor's Mercedes, or who the Deacon is messing with and all that other dirty gossip. I am not saying that folks should not be held to certain standards but when does minding one's own business become a virtue. We should all just focus on doing the right thing. I don't mind tithing as long as I know that its being put to good use. Right now...I do my own tithing by helping people out that I see have a need. It works for me but I want to go to church.

I figure I will just start visiting churches outside my area.  The problem I have with churches in the area is that honestly I am a very private person...I like my space. I am an open book to all who know me....but when I go home....I  don't want too many people knocking on my door or all up in my business.  I think this is another reason...I shun away from church too...when I think about it. There are a lot of nosy folks up in there. 

Well...I don't want this post to go negative. I know that there is a LOT more positive in church than negative....I just need perspective on how to have staying power if I choose to try this again.

Thanks in advance for any and ALL input. I want to be able to look at this from all angles.      


   

Ok- I admit I ain't read ALL of what you wrote - it's TOO long, I got ADD!!!! lol

BUT - I feel you.  and I did the same thing of just visiting way back and my first 'stop' was Lakewood here in Houston.  It's been my church home ever since - from the first service I swear God spoke to me - and everytime I go, I leave better than when I walked in.

Don't give up - try out places until it hits you!  you'll know the right 'fit' when you come to it.

Thanks MM,

Thats what I am gonna do. Every week my girls and I will be up in some body's church until it hits us. I shoud not let a few rotten apples spoil the whole bushel. I know that there is a church home out there somewhere for us...just got to keep looking. "preciate it". 

no worries - I used to be Catholi****il I sat in a Mass listening to the priest explain that we should forgive pedophiles who molest older children quicker cause they can 'get over it' better than younger kids........

took my then 5yr old daughter and walked right OUT!!!!! 

the first person to speak to me when I arrived at Lakewood was an usher, hispanic man - will never forget it - he asked if I was visiting, I said yes - that i was looking for a new church - he said he used to be Catholic and loved Lakewood, and told me where I could sit.

I knew I was in the right place!

T, I was raised a catholic!  Girl I can relate.  I love Lakewood!  Amazing church!!!!!

Thanks again MM! I googled Lakewood...cuz I did not know anything about it. It seems real nice. You know..as much time as I spend on the internet....I just realized that I have not really researched any churches in or outside my area. I am going to start doing that right away...I see that Lakewood has a comprehensive website that  that gives you a good feel for what you will find there. I imagine some churches here have similar web presence... So I am gonna let my fingers do the walking before I go for physical visit.

MD, please keep in mind that Satan goes to church too.  That is how he can block the Saints from their blessings.  Why do I say that, you ask?  Because, we (I am preaching to the choir on this one) need to keep in mind why we go to church (to hear the Word and incorporate it in our daily lives and for spiritual rejuvenation).  There will always be some mess going down, but IMHO, you have keep your focus on God and the blessings He has for you. 

I am currently in search of a church home myself.  I think I have found it, but I need to attend a few more times before I am sure.

Kim

Sweetie, I believe that God is a feeling, at least in the beginning of you relationship with Him and as you spend more time with Him, He shows up in so many things and other areas.   You see Him and feel Him in all things.  

I am so happy for you that are reaching out again and revisiting the idea of church.  My 10 cent advice?  Pray...ask God to send you to a church that will feed your soul AND teach you all that He wants you to learn. 

Church is many things that people don't think it is.  It is an emergency room for broken souls.  It's a place of peace and rejoicing, filled with music and joy.  It's a place of hard conversations and counseling.  It's classroom of learning and growing.  Most importantly, it is just ANOTHER place we gather together as believers to love one another, help the community, learn how to live and love and most significantly, worship Him.  Don't go back to your "old church" just because it's familiar and make sure that you are obedient to go where God leads you.  Listen with your heart.  You'll know it's the right church when you get there.   You'll be lead there, drawn to the place that is right for you.   You will feel (yes feel ) love, acceptance, joy, peace all of which is God in the room.

and make sure that you are obedient to go where God leads you.  Listen with your heart.  You'll know it's the right church when you get there.  


I just became Catholic and this here is why.  I don't align myself with a church (building) or the words of a particular priest (he's just a man) but with the word of God.  He'll be wherever you find him Lis. 

 

you are my first unicorn.  LOL!!!  what do I mean by that?

you're the FIRST person I've ever known that CHOSE to be Catholic!!!!!!!   Everybody else I know, was raised it or left it.

kudos to you for following the message!