Stress and trying not to look to food for comfort.
So i have a teen, she is 13 and has some behavior problems. She is really flip with her mouth and has been disrespectful to teachers and to my mother. Yesterday she chose to argue and just be nasty with my mom. i appreciate my mom because i'm sure it took all she had not to know the **** out of my daughter.
I put her in a behavior hospital in November and she returned home in December. i cannot for the life of me understand where she gets off arguing with adults and making rude comments. She stresses me out so, i used to just stuff my face so i would not think about her. So last night i did not do bad, i was off track a bit but not like before. Then there is the ex bf who it seems like just toys with my emotions. I am trying so hard to be strong but it's hard, especially when i am sad and un happy. I made an appt to talk to the psychologist about all this stuff but i just did not know where else to go to vent,....
I put her in a behavior hospital in November and she returned home in December. i cannot for the life of me understand where she gets off arguing with adults and making rude comments. She stresses me out so, i used to just stuff my face so i would not think about her. So last night i did not do bad, i was off track a bit but not like before. Then there is the ex bf who it seems like just toys with my emotions. I am trying so hard to be strong but it's hard, especially when i am sad and un happy. I made an appt to talk to the psychologist about all this stuff but i just did not know where else to go to vent,....
Vent away SnS! That's what we are here for. We all need this site, even with all of the **** with the invasion of our privacy. The wisdom from the vets, and support from others like our selves is invaluable.
I understand totally what you are experiencing with your young teen. and that's probably half your battle, is that she's a young impressionable teen trying to express her newfound "grownness". She's "feeling and smelling" herself, as our elders would say. The outside influences of the media and her peers probably feed into her attitude and "flip mouth" as well. I encourage you to keep the lines of communication open with her as much as you can. Try and listen to what she is saying, and not purposely saying, but with a frim hand of discipline. She needs to know that you are her parent, not her friend, but also that she can still have someone who will listen to her. I hope she has positive outlets and activities that she's involved with that serve as vehicles for her to express herself and vent energy as well. My daughter just got through several stages of this as well, and thank God maturity kicks in at some point and she's growing pass this stage.
As for your coping mechanism, please try to express your frustrations by taking a walk or lifting a a weight rather than lifting a fork to sabbatoge progress you've made.
I'll keep you in my prayers.
J
I understand totally what you are experiencing with your young teen. and that's probably half your battle, is that she's a young impressionable teen trying to express her newfound "grownness". She's "feeling and smelling" herself, as our elders would say. The outside influences of the media and her peers probably feed into her attitude and "flip mouth" as well. I encourage you to keep the lines of communication open with her as much as you can. Try and listen to what she is saying, and not purposely saying, but with a frim hand of discipline. She needs to know that you are her parent, not her friend, but also that she can still have someone who will listen to her. I hope she has positive outlets and activities that she's involved with that serve as vehicles for her to express herself and vent energy as well. My daughter just got through several stages of this as well, and thank God maturity kicks in at some point and she's growing pass this stage.
As for your coping mechanism, please try to express your frustrations by taking a walk or lifting a a weight rather than lifting a fork to sabbatoge progress you've made.
I'll keep you in my prayers.
J
thanks, i don't tell this to anyone, but part of the problem is that she's adopted and 2 years ago she wanted interaction with her birth family due to her siblings, so i figured to be open to the idea instead of having her turn 18 be pissed that i did not let her see them, then leave forever. Ever since she has interacted with them her behavior is worse, she thinks if she acts like a fool and stresses me out enough i will let her go and live with them. She obviously has no understanding about the love of a parent for a child. At home i feel like i'm in the middle, my mom and i are very close and it seems like they both want me to chose, and i do, i chose them both.
I'm in tears now as i even think about it, thanks for your prayers
I am so sorry. You are doing the right thing by venting and lettiing it out. I really don't have much suggestion as I struggle with emotional eating, but I know going to the gym when I am upset and taking out my anger sadness ect there with some inspirational music helps alot in the moment. Cry if you want to. God Bless
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Hi Sassy,
I am glad that you felt comfortable enough to vent some of your feelings here. Believe me...I know it helps. I think that you are on the right track in regards to seeing a psychiatrist. This person will also be able to give you guidance in terms of healthy coping mechanisms.
I think it important to also ensure that your daughter is getting ongoing support as well. I think an idea situation for both of you would be a support group for adoptees and their parents. Perhaps she can connect with other children that have similar feelings and learn how to handle them. Both of you need someone around you who can understand, empathize and help you strategize for a healthy relationship.
In the meantime, try to do some thing in which you both can have some positive interactions. I have a soon to be 12 year old and I am already seeing the attitude and testing. While I maintain my reign as her parent, I also try to engage her in activities that she enjoys and very gently slide some conversation in there to see where her head is at....it works most times.
Not sure how long your daughter has been adopted but if its been a while, try to get her to look at old pictures of you and her together. Sometimes looking at pictures of happy times helps a person to put their guard down so you can...again...try to have a gentle conversation where both of you can be heard. Don't get discouraged...this does not work for me all the time...but its always worth a shot.
I am praying that things ease up for you. If you have been around long enough, you will know that I always like to leave people with resources. Following are a few links to resources for you. Some you may be familiar with already.
I am glad that you felt comfortable enough to vent some of your feelings here. Believe me...I know it helps. I think that you are on the right track in regards to seeing a psychiatrist. This person will also be able to give you guidance in terms of healthy coping mechanisms.
I think it important to also ensure that your daughter is getting ongoing support as well. I think an idea situation for both of you would be a support group for adoptees and their parents. Perhaps she can connect with other children that have similar feelings and learn how to handle them. Both of you need someone around you who can understand, empathize and help you strategize for a healthy relationship.
In the meantime, try to do some thing in which you both can have some positive interactions. I have a soon to be 12 year old and I am already seeing the attitude and testing. While I maintain my reign as her parent, I also try to engage her in activities that she enjoys and very gently slide some conversation in there to see where her head is at....it works most times.
Not sure how long your daughter has been adopted but if its been a while, try to get her to look at old pictures of you and her together. Sometimes looking at pictures of happy times helps a person to put their guard down so you can...again...try to have a gentle conversation where both of you can be heard. Don't get discouraged...this does not work for me all the time...but its always worth a shot.
I am praying that things ease up for you. If you have been around long enough, you will know that I always like to leave people with resources. Following are a few links to resources for you. Some you may be familiar with already.
Parenting Adopted Adolescents: Understanding and Appreciating Their Journeys (Paperback)
Adopted Teens Only: A Survival Guide to Adolescence by Danea Gorbett (Paperback - Nov 22, 2007)
Your BAF family is always here foe you.
Another good place to vent is TheRecoveryGroup.org. They host online Overeaters Anonymous meetings every three hours. EST 9am, noon, 3pm, 6pm, 9pm, midnight, 3am, 6am. The chatroom is open 24/7.
I've found it helpful. Its not about diet and weightloss. The meetings are for anyone who wants to stop their compulsion to eat inappropriately. Its strictly about commitment to learn how to handle the head issues that lead us to eat.
Another good place to vent is TheRecoveryGroup.org. They host online Overeaters Anonymous meetings every three hours. EST 9am, noon, 3pm, 6pm, 9pm, midnight, 3am, 6am. The chatroom is open 24/7.
I've found it helpful. Its not about diet and weightloss. The meetings are for anyone who wants to stop their compulsion to eat inappropriately. Its strictly about commitment to learn how to handle the head issues that lead us to eat.
MSW Roux-En-Y Gastric Bypass: Eat sensibly & enjoy moderation
Links: Are you a compulsive eater? for help OA meets on-line Keep Coming Back, One Day At a Time Overeaters Anonymous
L
V'N MY RNY. WORKING FOR ME BECAUSE I WORK FOR IT.
(I just found this board, damn why aint no one tell me)
Anyways... first off, Im sorry to hear that Sweet...
Ill tell u, as a kid, I was like that, very verbally abusive to EVERYONE, mainly harboring resentment towards my mom giving me up as a baby. I used to stress my grandmother so bad, she would have strokes. No lie...
Started emotionally eating at 10, when my biggest supporter my great-grandfather died, literally at his funeral, I wanted to cry but my mean-ass grandmother forbade it... and someone handed me a piece of cake instead... and thats all she wrote.
Thru therapy, as a child... they got me to turn to my artwork as a form of expression to keep me from destroying the house. LOL...ahh yeah destroying the house (broken windows, wholes in the wall, drawing and painting curse words on the walls and floor, cutting up the furniture) I was a evil-little-b*tch, lol, but it was from how my g-mom treated me and talked about my mother.
Maybe that technique will work for you, and maybe her....
I know it sounds corner...but keeping my 'hands' busy in a creative sense, helped alot. I learned to rely on my talents to accomplish things, other than...destroy.
Paint, draw, sew (hey perfect time to start making spring dresses) do knitting , cross stitch, needlepoint, sculpture... write..journal , do poem songs... anything simple but expressive.
Maybe give her a 'slam' book... a notebook she can personalize any way she wants and write out her most secret wicked evil..scared happy silly thoughts. LOL... for her eyes only, UNLESS she chooses to share with you. Maybe it could help temper her behavior. And in you doing the same, it will get your frustrations out.
I say this thought over and over and over again, because its helped me...
When Im bored or lonely or nibbling nonstop... I grab a piece of gum and my journal or a sewing pattern or a piece of paper and draw.
That poor girl, I feel so sorry for teenagers, esp girls... think young black teens have it so hard, and if theyre allowed to indulge in their bad behavior theyll go down a path, from which theyll never return.
Anyways... first off, Im sorry to hear that Sweet...
Ill tell u, as a kid, I was like that, very verbally abusive to EVERYONE, mainly harboring resentment towards my mom giving me up as a baby. I used to stress my grandmother so bad, she would have strokes. No lie...
Started emotionally eating at 10, when my biggest supporter my great-grandfather died, literally at his funeral, I wanted to cry but my mean-ass grandmother forbade it... and someone handed me a piece of cake instead... and thats all she wrote.
Thru therapy, as a child... they got me to turn to my artwork as a form of expression to keep me from destroying the house. LOL...ahh yeah destroying the house (broken windows, wholes in the wall, drawing and painting curse words on the walls and floor, cutting up the furniture) I was a evil-little-b*tch, lol, but it was from how my g-mom treated me and talked about my mother.
Maybe that technique will work for you, and maybe her....
I know it sounds corner...but keeping my 'hands' busy in a creative sense, helped alot. I learned to rely on my talents to accomplish things, other than...destroy.
Paint, draw, sew (hey perfect time to start making spring dresses) do knitting , cross stitch, needlepoint, sculpture... write..journal , do poem songs... anything simple but expressive.
Maybe give her a 'slam' book... a notebook she can personalize any way she wants and write out her most secret wicked evil..scared happy silly thoughts. LOL... for her eyes only, UNLESS she chooses to share with you. Maybe it could help temper her behavior. And in you doing the same, it will get your frustrations out.
I say this thought over and over and over again, because its helped me...
When Im bored or lonely or nibbling nonstop... I grab a piece of gum and my journal or a sewing pattern or a piece of paper and draw.
That poor girl, I feel so sorry for teenagers, esp girls... think young black teens have it so hard, and if theyre allowed to indulge in their bad behavior theyll go down a path, from which theyll never return.
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