OT:Internet Musings for ya...jokes, saying, news etc...some nassy too)
on 1/19/10 4:10 am, edited 1/19/10 4:22 am - Sweet Dreams lives in , PA
Sorry...had another task to handle...I found these on the net....I am just destressing today as you can probably tell. I have cleaned these up a bit to appeal to the sensitivities of some. Just for laughs ya'll...don't get too serious on me. Heading to the rec center in a few. I'll add a few more before I go.
Beautiful People
The most beautiful people I have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These people have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep, loving concern.
Beautiful people do not just happen!
Overweight Plane
A black man and his son are on a plane heading
Will all african americans please stand up and move to the back of the plane". The Son stands up and the father says "sit down."
"Will all black people please stand up and goto the back of the plane." The Son stands up father says "sit down."
"Will all coloured people please stand up and move to the back of the plane." The Son stands up the father says "sit down."
The son then says "But dad, if were not african americans, blacks, or coloured, what are we?" "Today were Niccas son." 
A cucumber, a Penis and an Olive
The cucumber says "I hate my life, when I get big fat and juicy they cut me up and put me in salad."
The olive says "That's nothing, when I get big fat and juicy they cut me up and put me on pizza."
The penis says "You think you have it bad, when I get big fat and juicy they put me in a bag, throw me in a cave, shut the door and leave me there till I throw up"
Pudding Surprise
Some not too smart gangsters decide to rob a bank. After several days of planning they agree on the best plan. The next day they get to work and are able to get into the bank relatively easy thanks to their planning. Once inside the main vault they discover one wall is full of safety deposit boxes and start to work on them immediately. They drill and pry open the first box only to find a small container of vanilla pudding inside.
The Head Gangster says, "Okay, well, at least we can eat it." So they eat the pudding. They drill and pry open up the second safety deposit box and there sits another pudding. They decide to devour it too.
Determined to find the goods, the process continues for the rest of the night until all the safety deposit boxes have been opened. They didn't find any money or jewelry in any of the boxes. Disappointed the head gangster said, "Well, at least they left something for us to eat."
The next day, while listening to the news they hear:"Yesterday the largest SPERM bank in the USA was robbed by an unknown group of people....."
Free Butter
One day a man was out playing golf, when he sliced his shot off into a patch of buttercups.
Rather disgusted with himself, he went in search of his ball.
After finding it, he was ready to hit the ball back on the fairway when he heard a voice say "please don't hurt my buttercups".
Startled, he looked around to find the source of the voice to no avail.
Again the man prepared to hit his golf ball and again he heard the voice say "please don't hurt my buttercups".
This time when the man looked to find the source of the voice, he saw a small leprechan standing by him. The little man spoke to the man and said, "Please sir, if you will kindly pick up your ball and throw it up onto the fairway instead of hitting it with your club, I will reward you with a year's supply of butter for free".
The man thought about the offer for a minute then replied, "That's a fine offer, but I have but one question for you, where were you last week when I hit my ball into the *****willows?"
http://www.clumsycrooks.com/news/once_twice_three_times_a
lady_of_the_night_dc_cops_can_arrest_you_for_carrying_more_than_two_condoms.htm
Once, Twice, Three Times a Lady of the Night: DC Cops Can Arrest You for Carrying More Than Two Condoms
Lisa Derrick Thursday January 7, 2010 6:07 pm
Washington DC police can arrest a woman in any area they’ve declared prostitution free zone. And in a backasswards move to curb prostitution, carrying more than two condoms is considered proof of intention to prostitute.
I don’t know about you, but I’ve been lucky enough to date 3+ condom types. And even with one shot wonders, the fact is condoms break and you may need spares. A smart dater brings his or her own just to be safe. And to make sure you have the brand you like.
But all of that aside, “you’re a ***** for carrying condoms" issue puts prostitutes and their clients (not to mention their clients’ other sex partners) at risk for HIV/AIDS and other STDs. Washington DC has an HIV/AIDS infection rate of 3%, the highest in the United States.
Dr. Ray Martins, Chief Medical Officer at the Whitman-Walker Clinic, the largest provider of HIV care in the nation’s capital said
If we know that three percent are currently diagnosed, the underlying number is probably five and six, or closer to five percent.
The Centers for Disease Control and the World Health Organization consider a one percent infection rate as the threshold for a severe epidemic.
MSW Roux-En-Y Gastric Bypass: Eat sensibly & enjoy moderation
Links: Are you a compulsive eater? for help OA meets on-line Keep Coming Back, One Day At a Time Overeaters Anonymous
L
V'N MY RNY. WORKING FOR ME BECAUSE I WORK FOR IT.
