When I thought...

I had the surgery for so many reasons its hard to pinpoint a main reason but I can say that I was unhappy with my love life or lack thereof.  I felt so unattractive towards men that I just knew that once I was of a manageable size that I would feel better because I would be getting more attention.  What I didnt take the time out to do was to be happy within myself.  See, yes I get the accolades from men that I desired but I realize now that I wanted more than that.  I was seeking love.  And it took for me to go through another heartache post surgery to realize it.  I wish I wouldve realized it before because this one hurt me to the core.  I just couldnt understand why he wouldnt be faithful.  Hell Im fine now LOL.  I couldnt understand why.  So I clung to it and hurt myself even more.  Ladies and men if you are having this surgery thinking its a cureall for all the emotional crap we have been through being big ( and we all have the baggage) its not.  You must find with in yourself what you are seeking and love yourself and care for yourself because no matter how you look on the outside there are victims and takers and you will remain the victim if you dont realize your self worth.  I could go on and on with this topic but I had to write because my heart is hurting and I didnt know any other way to heal it.  Thanks for listening.

and that insight is when you grow as a person.

You hit everything dead on the head with this.  WLS is only a tool, and a very small one really.  Once you get into the mental, emotional day to day - whooowee!!  I wi**** WAS just as simple as a cut and tuck........

For me, the kicker was when I realized I actually was afraid to lose the weight - crazy huh?  Why?  Because my weight was a surefire reason I would depend on as to why I was alone.  I thought if I lost the weight and was STILL alone - what then?  That would mean the problem is really ME..........

Yep - the physical part of WLS is easy peasy - the mental is the kick in the ass!!!!  LOL

Kudos to you for recognizing the forest, despite all the trees - keep growing lady!!! 

You know what you are so right.  I felt like damn its not the weight, its me LOL.  I now have to focus on me.  I have to find out what I like.  I have to learn to do things that make ME happy.  Find out things that make me smile.  I needed to go through this and realize that Im not a happy person on the inside and until Im happy then I cant make anyone else happy and I cannot depend on someone else for my happiness.  As long as I continue to allow myself to depend on others for happiness I will not be happy. 

(((((HUGS)))))

You know now that you are and always have been worthy of the best.   You deserve only the best because you are you, plain and simple.  The same person, fat or thin. 

This hurt will heal.  You know your own worth so you will protect your heart.  You will be able to let go of anyone who cannot appreciate your value.    

It will heal, and I just have to learn to focus on me and stop focusing on him and what went wrong with him.  I need to focus on what went wrong with me and why I would allow myself to be treated so badly in the name of love.