Possible remedy for constipation inside.

I was trying to figure out a good healthy alternative to deal with my constipation. The Flaxseed is not doing it for me anymore. I have increased my intake of cheese (loving the Mozzarella sticks) so I have a serious bottleneck going on in my intestines. I was googling and came across this website. I have literally been reading a bunch of SHIOT all morning. LMAOOO

ETA: See my msg to myself below for...possible remedy for constipation.


http://www.poopreport.com/Stories/index.html

This story cracked me UP!!!

Firing The Wax Bullet

Posted 01.13.2010 by winniethepoop (10) I flew home for the holidays to celebrate in typical fashion. I come from a fairly large family but grew up in a very small house--one bathroom, shared bedrooms. Everyone was home for Christmas, and mom was cooking overtime, and there was food for miles. So I ate. We all ate.

Since most people around me were falling ill to the flu or colds before I got on the plane, I started taking a mix of herbs, vitamins, and random, assorted lozenges and concoctions to keep me from succumbing to whatever was making its rounds. Between the massive amounts of food and massive amounts of preventive measures, I had worked up an equally massive log jam. Constipation for me isn't unheard of, but it’s not a normal occurrence either. I eventually mentally added up the days since my last poo, and it was not a pleasant number. I was starting to feel it, but all attempts at evacuation were unsuccessful.

Since there were eight people in my house and one toilet, I would give it a shot for a few minutes at a time and then whisk out so as not to raise any eyebrows. Eventually, I gave in and took a laxative suppository from my mom's medicine cabinet, because I was getting serious cramps and pain. It's not something I wanted to do, but I was against the wall.

I waited until the cover of night, when some of the family had gone out shopping, to give myself a fair shake at privacy, and to give myself some time on the throne knowing it could be a long affair. I gently slid the suppository up my pooper (this wasn't my first time at the fair) and began the waiting process in my bedroom with a decent book. I know from previous attempts that you're supposed to hold the urge as long as humanly possible before giving it a shot, so that's what I did. It started to work quickly.

I could feel rumblings inside me and working their way down; there was something serious going on. I was on my side in a semi-fetal position and trying to focus on the book in front of me, but it wasn't going too well. But again, I didn't want to take a chance on the laxative not taking effect. I used every available muscle to keep my body from rejecting the white, waxy plug that I had just inflicted upon my own butthole.

I looked at the clock and noticed that about a half hour had passed since The Insertion, but as I geared myself up to head toward the bathroom, I heard a rush of activity in the living room. Family had returned from an aborted shopping trip and had extra friends in tow with them. My pulse began to race when I heard some of my family members calling dibs on the bathroom.

"I'm first!"

"I'm after you!"

Immediately, I thought about rushing to get in, but I knew that this was going to be a battle. Since I assumed the other people would be quick and I'd be on the ****ter in no time, I stayed in the bedroom.

It was then that I hear a knock outside of my door; and who was there but an old girlfriend of mine from high school, a friend of my sister’s. They had run into each other at a convenient store.

I was sweating and held the weight of the world in my colon. My nerves were rattled, my muscles were taut from exertion, and I was feeling woozy, to say the least. I hadn't seen her in five years and knew that a reunion was not in the cards at this moment, so I excused myself, telling her that I was going to change, and closed the door for some much needed privacy. She seemed a little bothered but left without much argument. I closed the door and tried to focus.

By this time, Occupant Number Two was in the toilet, so I felt I might be in the clear; the internal debate was whether to usurp the toilet when someone else might be quick about it. I had no idea what to expect, so I didn't want to sandwich myself in between users if I was going to take a noticeable fifteen minutes while someone else waited.

But things were moving. I could feel it all the way in my chest: abdominal muscles working overtime, sweat pouring down my face, ass muscles clenched as tight as a new prison inmates at his first shower. I was having some type of outer body experience trying to hold onto the load I was carrying, but at the same time I knew that was an indication that this was not going to be a quick or easy release; in fact, I knew it was going to be a serious battle. So, as I helpless listened as the third person took their turn in the ****ter, I snapped.

My head filled with visions of ****ting my pants in my old bedroom—as a full grown man. My mind raced...was there a box I could use? A bag? A bucket? Anything? I realized there would be no way to cover the stench of what unholy movement that was about to be birthed, so it was out of the question. The house, as stated, is small, and there were guests over on top of that, and therefore my mind went into action McGuyer-style. I had to be smart, and I had to be quick. There was only one available exit: The backyard.

I slid off of the bed with my turd in my throat. As I made it to my feet, I realized that I was going to have to focus every muscle in my body on holding this Yule log in.

I was going to have to be a turd ninja.

I raced down the hall, through the kitchen, and grabbed a Walmart bag off of the bar as I passed. I walked past a group of people in the kitchen, a group in the living room, and, taking quick but gentle steps, I reached the back door. To keep anyone from following me (they surely would have), I told my mom that I was sick and not to let anyone out that door. There was snow on the ground and gently clinging to the trees, but all I could focus on was the barge in my ass.

How was I going to get my pants down far enough to crap without taking off the house slippers I was wearing? There was no time. No time for logic or reason or rationalizing. I whipped my pants down and released the beast.

I relaxed every muscle in my body and felt the spirit and energy of one thousand demons pass through my asshole. I literally felt it in my diaphragm, and it took my breath away. Using muscles that I didn't know I had, my body extricated this giant turd (which ended up being 2.5 turds, to be exact), and it fell with a thud--a sound not unlike the sound a softball would make after being launched into the outfield. Sweating and trembling, I turned, weak in the knees, and looked down in disbelief. I'd never, ever, seen anything so large in my life. I don't even know how to create an analogy that would accurate describe the shape or size or appearance.

After almost a week of Christmas candy, herbs, vitamins, and full healthy meals, my Christmas grogans looked like someone had melted six or seven Snickers bars and molded them into a giant Snickers ball. But, worse than the size was the weight; when I scooped them up in the bag, I couldn't help but think it was heavier than most newborn children. I had just given birth to stillborn twins out of my ass.

I hid them in the trash can (thankfully the holidays bring as much refuse as trash) and went in and went straight to bed.

My mom's only words were, “You look white as a ghost." And I was. I slept the sleep of the dead after that--almost for twelve hours by the time it was all said and done.

OK....this is what I got from the R&R board in regard to a remedy for constipation...thought I would share.  In addition to Calcium Citrate, Miralax and Miralax combined with some other ingredients has proven effective for some.  I have not tried Miralax before so we shall see..picked up some yesterday.



(Disclaimer: Newbies consult your surgeon if you have issues with constipation.)
  
Here is Vitalady's entry:

I'll post my formula for long term constipation, take what you want, leave the rest if this is just remporary for you.

**********


I had chronic constipation for 11 years. I tried: more fiber, less fiber, soluble fiber, insoluble fiber, no fiber, both fibers, stool softeners, Smooth Moves & Correctol teas and Metamucil wafers, together, apart, more water, less water, cut out anything bu****er (and protein), senna, cascara sagrada, everything one could possibly try until I was basically dependent on enemas for 3 yrs.

Miralax helped the stool be passable. It was rx and finally became generic, so went from $80 for 3 months to $20 for 3 months. Now it is OTC, but is about $8 for 5-6 servings. If you can get the rx, it is much cheaper, safe, daily, for life, according to my GI doc.

The stool softeners are store brand equal to Colace, not PERI-colace.

Word was that magnesium citrate was such a great thing. This is pills, not the green bottle, so I tried it and nothing happened, and so I kept increasing it. What DID happen is that my foot and leg cramps ceased. So, I kept doing that and tried magnesium oxide. This is small, cheap, found anywhere, like drug stores. And finally, it worked. Mine are 500 mg and I take 2.

My final formula:
1 serving MiraLax (rx) *
4 stool softeners at night
1 mag ox with lunch, 1 with dinner

In the morning, hot beverage first thing on empty gut

This has worked for several years yrs now.

* MiraLax was rx only until the end of 2007, and is now generic by rx. The original name brand is available at drug stores at about $20 for a large bottle. You might want to try one first, taken daily, at about the same time. If it solves the problem, then ask your doc for rx. It is NOT a laxative. It is safe, daily, taken for life, per 4 doctors I've asked. It was a pediatrician who introduced me to it. My rx plan allows me to have 6 of those big bottles every 3 months for $20. Check with your doc and your insurance to see if it's beneficial to buy it by rx. BTW, my doc writes for 2 servings per day, because they might SAY there are 30 servings per bottle, but somebody can't count. Me or them? I use only one, but if I spill or get too much, I still have enough to last til next refill.

I tried a few suggestions but the correctol has been the best. I pop three, with gingerale if its really bad.  I'm good within hours.

Fortunately I don't need it often. 

OK Lisa............disregard my question in your other post.  I'll try some of the suggestions for relief............btw

That story was hilarious!!  The tears were rolling!  Thanks for sharing it,  I needed a good laugh!

J

Hey Janice,

LOL! Yes...I read a few dousies on that site. I can't for the life of me figure out why a person would take so much time writing humor about the subject BUT I guess to each his or her own. The site did make me LOL on more than on ocassion though! I took the Miralax with warm water and its working for me so far. I plan to try some of the other suggestions too.

Good morning, Lisa & BAF!

I posted a shorter version of the following in a recent thread about drinking water.  Proper hydration is essential to keeping things moving, and my Doc added that drinking warm liquids also aids somewhat.

I resolved my constipation issue on the long-term without the use of laxatives (which I cannot take due to the unbearable intestinal cramping  cause by the most 'gentle' of them).  I tried adding Benefiber, a tasteless powder, to drinks with NO effect at all, even when using more than recommended.

I have anemia due to heavy periods which are 'normal' for me, but just a few months ago I went on prescription iron which took constipation from bad to severe.  The addition of magnesium and probiotics thankfully solved the problem!

Both are OTC in drug stores, Target, etc. I use AccuFlora brand probiotic, accuflora.com/which I buy at Target for $6.99/box for a 15-day supply. It needs no refrigeration & is taken 2x/day.

When taking magnesium, pair it with your calcium citrate and vitamin D (I's important to note that we RNYers do not absorb calcium carbonate well at all; we need calcium citrate!). 

The addition of magnesium will not only work on muscle cramping like leg & foot cramping, if you have those, but will regulate calcium transport, increase your potassium uptake, and aid in relieving constipation as a fantastic side benefit.

Remember to space any iron supplement at least 2 hours from a calcium dose, as iron & calcium oppose absorption of one another. 

I hope this helps!!! 

WOW! Thanks Lynn.....I had been raving about the Flaxseed for a while...BUT the constipation HIT me literally like a ton of bricks.  I am sure its related to me eating so much cheese in addition to the Iron Supps. that I now take very regularly. I am definitely going to take your advice. I saw the probiotics when I was buying the Miralax but had no clue about it. I can't take this pain and strain any longer. Continued blessings.

I started pro biotics less than a week ago because of studies that found improved post op wl. Perhaps the reason is better elimination. 

Yep...I am going to get it first thing in the am.  I tried Correctol before...and thought I was becoming dependent on it.  I need something that wont hurt me if I need to take it long term. I just need to do a little more research on the matter. 

LOL! Thats next MSW. I am going to try most of these things and see what works best for me. Its no fun eliminating what seems like fossils or hard azz stones.