OK..here is MY VERSION OF THE PIGGYBACK of what SWAGGAR IS...
no, good men are not rare. as I told you before in another post, a lot of "good" men may not be anyone that you (the general "you", not the personal "you") would look at twice becauase the package isn't appealing enough.
To say that "Good" men are rare is to say that you must have dated a majority of men in order to quantify that. If you haven't, then you can't possibly quantify that statement. Oh and being professional, not being on drugs, having never been in jail DOESN'T make youi a "good" man. Maybe a responsible one, but not necessarily a "good" one. Your character makes you a good person. You can make six, seven, eight figures a year, you can be "God-fearing", own THE car to die for, etc, that says nothing about whether you are a good person. Again, I say to you, good black men that are available and marriageable aren't as rare as you think. Its all about what you may or may not consider as "good". Again, it about perception.
To say that "Good" men are rare is to say that you must have dated a majority of men in order to quantify that. If you haven't, then you can't possibly quantify that statement. Oh and being professional, not being on drugs, having never been in jail DOESN'T make youi a "good" man. Maybe a responsible one, but not necessarily a "good" one. Your character makes you a good person. You can make six, seven, eight figures a year, you can be "God-fearing", own THE car to die for, etc, that says nothing about whether you are a good person. Again, I say to you, good black men that are available and marriageable aren't as rare as you think. Its all about what you may or may not consider as "good". Again, it about perception.
"When Alexander saw the breadth of his domain, he wept for there were no more worlds to conquer." Plutach. Not true, for there are always more worlds to conquer.
www.myspace.com/dalexis863
(deactivated member)
on 11/20/09 1:26 am - ~Somewhere in~, PA
on 11/20/09 1:26 am - ~Somewhere in~, PA
I am not sure why black women have to make an EXCUSE to date marry someone out of their race I am not, I could quit Erik TODAY and go to the CLUB and find any black man....but you see, I was looking for AN ENGINEER like myself and THAT MY DEAR IS RARE to find who are single, childless and meet my income specifications...that's my point...and I agree with you there are GOOD MEN out there but NOT what *I* was looking for my criteria was set with a few parameters...
Maybe it's "RARE" because of where you were looking....."the club". When you lay down with dogs you get fleas, so if you are SEARCHING for brothers in the hood you will probably get aids packing, jobless, baby mama having brothers....I surround myself with educated, successful people in general and there are alot of good Black men in my circle.
What you were looking for and your parameters aren't my concern, I voiced my opinion on the statement that you made about them being rare.
What you were looking for and your parameters aren't my concern, I voiced my opinion on the statement that you made about them being rare.
(deactivated member)
on 11/20/09 3:54 am - ~Somewhere in~, PA
on 11/20/09 3:54 am - ~Somewhere in~, PA
I've never lived in the "HOOD" don't really know too much about the "HOOD"and yes the few brothas that I am surrounded by ARE highly educated and classy brothas UNLIKE the ones on this forum...HOWEVER the ones *I* know are already taken that is why I only did on-line dating to where I could pick the guys of MY choice...and I guess you really don't get "sarcasm" when I mentioned finding a good man in the club....I don't do the club scene anymore I am too old for that....and yes the type of black man that I wanted to marry IS RARE in the DC AREA....NOT sure about Texas where you live...but again when I looked at where ALL the single men are Texas, California, Colorado and a few other states HAD MORE MEN than women but DC is NOT like that straight black single educated men IS RARE here in Virginia....
SO I guess you really don't understand the male shortage here in the DC area....and honestly I used to get many offers from black men in Texas, California, and Colorado but I was not willing to relocate and PLUS I found the guy of my dreams nearby and he so happen to white, and I really don't NEED to EXPLAIN WHO/and why I fell in love with a man that happens to be white.....
SO I guess you really don't understand the male shortage here in the DC area....and honestly I used to get many offers from black men in Texas, California, and Colorado but I was not willing to relocate and PLUS I found the guy of my dreams nearby and he so happen to white, and I really don't NEED to EXPLAIN WHO/and why I fell in love with a man that happens to be white.....
You know what D....I feel ya....and I can only speak for myself. I don't regret any choice that I have made when it comes to men because I look at it this way....I have always learned something or walked away a better person in the end. I feel they have as well. My last relationship lasted 8 years ....you might as well say 12....because hes the father of my kids so we still have "a" relationship when it comes to them. A very micable one...I might add. I feel I gave that relationship my all. While I did not go to the other side per se....I did go to another culture. I married a Jamaican. The main reason to be totally honest....I fell in love with his family before I feel in love with him. (and....no he did not need a green card...hes was already here). He had what I always wanted....a close knit family. Family values are important to me. So if I had a list...it would be at the TOP!
I wanted kids and messing around with american men...(just talking about the ones I encountered)... my prospects were dwindling fast. If I was lacking anything at that time...it was probably confidence in myself but I also saw that there were "as Naomi put it" very few marriage minded men....that I came across. Was I marriagable??? Well...I thought so. I mean I think I had everything it takes..and was bringing something to the table..I am a hard worker, educated, loyal as a one eyed dog, and most of all.....I would stood by my man through thick and thin. My deficits...were my weight, not close to my family (which I think is a good thing...they are a trip)...and do have a focus on finding my sis (this does not have to be a deficit though...but if the person does not understand...it could be an issue).
So you might ask...what happened. Well....I honestly feel that he fell under the typical american mindset influences...(keeping up with the Joneses if you will) started listening and seeing what others were doing and start trying to follow suit. Started hanging out with his so called buddies...all times of the night. While I had no problem with him spending time with his friends....once it get passed a certain hour....all married men should be at home. It took me a while to realize it...but he really had not lived out his single life before we got together. One day it just clicked for me...that instead of trying to force him into being what I needed him to be...I decided to let him have his single life back. Now he regrets it.... its funny....man don't miss their water until the well runs dry. He now sees that ain't shioot out there for real.... he had the real deal and let it slip away.
Unfortunately for us both....I can't turn back. The most important thing that was on that list you posted the other day... was # 4 A REAL MAN doesn't worry about what others depict as a real man. Walk in his shoes first and then tell him what makes him A REAL MAN.
I simply can't respect a man that let others influence him against his family or on a smaller scale let others make his decisions for him.... (i.e. If you think a woman is fine...and others think shes ugly as fluck.....who gonna make his decision.) Hes not gonna want her because he thinks no one else wants her. Something wrong with that logic to me. Just a hyperthetical....cause I aint bad to look at....hehehehe.
Used to be that all a man wanted after a hard days work was a family to come home to....dinner on the table...maybe a beer and a dayum good screw...then to be left alone to chill. Call me old fashioned but I am with that for real. Woman takes care of the inside of the home (cook, clean, handle the kids) and the man takes care of shioot on the outside (repairs, cars, lawn etc...) Both can bring home the bacon...and have family time..but recognize the importance of both having "me" time without the other feeling insecure.
From what I see now a days...there are a lot of *****zz men that want the woman to do it all. I just want a man to do his fair share. I know that our society has the black man nailed to the cross.....but the black man needs to step the hell up. I mean...you few good ones out there cant hold it down by yourself. If that were the case....the black man...would not have such a bad name. Honestly, I feel bad for the brothers that are trying to do the right thing. I know it must be as frustrating as fluck to see the others that aren't. Similarly, I hate seeing these women that are out their spreading their legs and having babies by every Tom, Dick and Harry.
As a whole...we just need to step up....the world is watching....and laughing their flucking heads off.
I wanted kids and messing around with american men...(just talking about the ones I encountered)... my prospects were dwindling fast. If I was lacking anything at that time...it was probably confidence in myself but I also saw that there were "as Naomi put it" very few marriage minded men....that I came across. Was I marriagable??? Well...I thought so. I mean I think I had everything it takes..and was bringing something to the table..I am a hard worker, educated, loyal as a one eyed dog, and most of all.....I would stood by my man through thick and thin. My deficits...were my weight, not close to my family (which I think is a good thing...they are a trip)...and do have a focus on finding my sis (this does not have to be a deficit though...but if the person does not understand...it could be an issue).
So you might ask...what happened. Well....I honestly feel that he fell under the typical american mindset influences...(keeping up with the Joneses if you will) started listening and seeing what others were doing and start trying to follow suit. Started hanging out with his so called buddies...all times of the night. While I had no problem with him spending time with his friends....once it get passed a certain hour....all married men should be at home. It took me a while to realize it...but he really had not lived out his single life before we got together. One day it just clicked for me...that instead of trying to force him into being what I needed him to be...I decided to let him have his single life back. Now he regrets it.... its funny....man don't miss their water until the well runs dry. He now sees that ain't shioot out there for real.... he had the real deal and let it slip away.
Unfortunately for us both....I can't turn back. The most important thing that was on that list you posted the other day... was # 4 A REAL MAN doesn't worry about what others depict as a real man. Walk in his shoes first and then tell him what makes him A REAL MAN.
I simply can't respect a man that let others influence him against his family or on a smaller scale let others make his decisions for him.... (i.e. If you think a woman is fine...and others think shes ugly as fluck.....who gonna make his decision.) Hes not gonna want her because he thinks no one else wants her. Something wrong with that logic to me. Just a hyperthetical....cause I aint bad to look at....hehehehe.
Used to be that all a man wanted after a hard days work was a family to come home to....dinner on the table...maybe a beer and a dayum good screw...then to be left alone to chill. Call me old fashioned but I am with that for real. Woman takes care of the inside of the home (cook, clean, handle the kids) and the man takes care of shioot on the outside (repairs, cars, lawn etc...) Both can bring home the bacon...and have family time..but recognize the importance of both having "me" time without the other feeling insecure.
From what I see now a days...there are a lot of *****zz men that want the woman to do it all. I just want a man to do his fair share. I know that our society has the black man nailed to the cross.....but the black man needs to step the hell up. I mean...you few good ones out there cant hold it down by yourself. If that were the case....the black man...would not have such a bad name. Honestly, I feel bad for the brothers that are trying to do the right thing. I know it must be as frustrating as fluck to see the others that aren't. Similarly, I hate seeing these women that are out their spreading their legs and having babies by every Tom, Dick and Harry.
As a whole...we just need to step up....the world is watching....and laughing their flucking heads off.
(deactivated member)
on 11/20/09 1:02 am, edited 11/20/09 1:03 am - ~Somewhere in~, PA
on 11/20/09 1:02 am, edited 11/20/09 1:03 am - ~Somewhere in~, PA
Mahogny you hit the nail...@ wanted kids and messing around with american men...(just talking about the ones I encountered)... my prospects were dwindling fast.
That is the sad delimma of so many young black women, a lot of women don't want be a "baby's momma" and be left to be alone and then the kids are brought up with no father figure....I don't blame a lot of other sistas these days by finding a mate of other race...he does not have to be white, there are other men out there that are good providers and take care of home and willing to rear children.
I honestly think those young girls who are out there spreading their legs with every Tom Dick and Harry and have babies out of wedlock are probably just simply looking for love...they are loathing for a man just to love them and they are SO USED to not BEING love they continue to let men use their bodies in order to try to find someone to love them...sad.
It really make me sad that when those black women *****ALLY want a decent looking hard working black man have to either share or deal with left overs or be left single FOREVER...and yet when black women start to date outside of their race some black men seem to have a problem with it...but they are IGNORED when they are single...I really don't get it..
That is the sad delimma of so many young black women, a lot of women don't want be a "baby's momma" and be left to be alone and then the kids are brought up with no father figure....I don't blame a lot of other sistas these days by finding a mate of other race...he does not have to be white, there are other men out there that are good providers and take care of home and willing to rear children.
I honestly think those young girls who are out there spreading their legs with every Tom Dick and Harry and have babies out of wedlock are probably just simply looking for love...they are loathing for a man just to love them and they are SO USED to not BEING love they continue to let men use their bodies in order to try to find someone to love them...sad.
It really make me sad that when those black women *****ALLY want a decent looking hard working black man have to either share or deal with left overs or be left single FOREVER...and yet when black women start to date outside of their race some black men seem to have a problem with it...but they are IGNORED when they are single...I really don't get it..
Yes...I agree Naomi @ I honestly think those young girls who are out there spreading their legs with every Tom Dick and Harry and have babies out of wedlock are probably just simply looking for love...they are loathing for a man just to love them and they are SO USED to not BEING love they continue to let men use their bodies in order to try to find someone to love them...sad.
This is for sure part of the problem. But then...doesn't that also perpetuate the even bigger problem...availability of women that are ready, willing and able to provide immediate gratification without advocating for any type of real committment on the part of the man....and some of these females are not so young either. They simply dont know how to ask for any type of respect "i.e. get to know me on some level first before just jumping into bed.
Thats why we need to start mentoring these young people. I know some are always going to be hard headed...but I guarantee that if each one of us (male and female african americans with some sense and grounding)...make a committment to mentor at least one at risk youth (male or female outside our own families)....we just might be able to turn the tide somewhere eventually. Cause unfortunately a lot of these kids are lost because their parents dont have it all together. Hillary was correct...it takes a village.
I have one child I mentor....but at the moment....I cant handle any more. Just have too much community service coming out my eyeballs....and really need to take it down a notch to prevent burnout.
As for the interracial coupling, there nothing wrong with it. As to what brings the heat...... I honestly think it all boils down to one thing. THE BLACK MAN AND THE BLACK WOMAN REALLY BELONG TOGETHER....(much like other ethnicities on the whole feel the same way) if we could just sift through all the bullshioot...we could capture the richness of our unity again (yes....its my dream)....some black couples are enjoying it now...so BLACK LOVE does still exists.
THE SHIOOT GETS MADDENING THOUGH BECAUSE ON
THE WHOLE the numbers are dwindling for a variety of reasons.
BUT....I still say to each his or her own....and we just need to focus on being happy...and color should not be a barrier. As some one put it so eloquently....we are all of one race...the human race....so the shioot should not really matter for real.
This is for sure part of the problem. But then...doesn't that also perpetuate the even bigger problem...availability of women that are ready, willing and able to provide immediate gratification without advocating for any type of real committment on the part of the man....and some of these females are not so young either. They simply dont know how to ask for any type of respect "i.e. get to know me on some level first before just jumping into bed.
Thats why we need to start mentoring these young people. I know some are always going to be hard headed...but I guarantee that if each one of us (male and female african americans with some sense and grounding)...make a committment to mentor at least one at risk youth (male or female outside our own families)....we just might be able to turn the tide somewhere eventually. Cause unfortunately a lot of these kids are lost because their parents dont have it all together. Hillary was correct...it takes a village.
I have one child I mentor....but at the moment....I cant handle any more. Just have too much community service coming out my eyeballs....and really need to take it down a notch to prevent burnout.
As for the interracial coupling, there nothing wrong with it. As to what brings the heat...... I honestly think it all boils down to one thing. THE BLACK MAN AND THE BLACK WOMAN REALLY BELONG TOGETHER....(much like other ethnicities on the whole feel the same way) if we could just sift through all the bullshioot...we could capture the richness of our unity again (yes....its my dream)....some black couples are enjoying it now...so BLACK LOVE does still exists.
THE SHIOOT GETS MADDENING THOUGH BECAUSE ON
THE WHOLE the numbers are dwindling for a variety of reasons.
BUT....I still say to each his or her own....and we just need to focus on being happy...and color should not be a barrier. As some one put it so eloquently....we are all of one race...the human race....so the shioot should not really matter for real.
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