Piggyback off Donnie AND D....... with my thoughts blended in.....

Well I'm glad you liked it, just telling the truth though.

Isn't the purpose of posting the list on a forum to spark debate/conversation? We will not all agree at all times.  I think most lists are total BS, some more than others. I also think it's perfectly fine to express your objections to a list, to spark debate/conversation (preferably without it turning into a match of insults). Lists are too structured and never fit a person to a T. People aren't perfect and lists are designed to fit a perfect person in the writer's eyes.

A person could have 7 out of 10 qualifications on the list. Does that mean you count them out? It shouldn't mean that unless the 3 things they are missing are deal breakers. I haven't met a perfect dude yet, and I doubt I ever will. Its simply a matter of what I'm willing to deal with, and I have to say, that varies from man to man.

Relationships are hard. We create a bunch of extra bull**** in our heads and create expectations that most people can't live up to. 

My opinion shouldn't stop anyone from posting their list. I'll read it, and if so inclined will comment on it. 

What REALLY amazes me is that folks on OBESITY HELP is looking for PERFECTION in their mates???...and have the NERVE to have a LIST?

I think people got confused when I posted about the list for women to look for when seeking a husband ...THAT LIST NEVER MENTIONED ANYTHING ABOUT HAVING A SET OF ABS for MEN or LOOK LIKE THEY STEPPED OUT OF GQ magazine....The LIST I posted gave suggestions on how to find a GOOD Marriage minded man...

HELL you CAN GET A FINE MAN WITH A PERFECT body just like you can get a FINE women with PERFECT body a DIME A DOZEN -- THAT'S EASY TO GET..... there are plenty of FINE MEN /WOMEN WITH NO BRAINS AND NOTHING TO OFFER BUT SEX-- HELL THAT GETS OLD if that ninja has NO FUNDS...BEEN THERE AND DONE THAT...BEAUTY FADES.....

Hell look at all these stars THAT HAVE PERFECT BODIES they can't keep a man/women look at Halley Berry hell she got the perfect body but could not keep a good looking black man, she had everything and Eric Bennett STILL cheated on her...she ended up happy on the "other side"with a blonde haired man...she seems  to be very happy now..

I think when single FAT folks get weight loss surgery they THINK they will meet this imaginary handsome man/woman that look like a movie star with NO blemishes rich and live happily ever after....IT'S  not gonna happen...again anybody can SNAG a fine man/woman just for a night out on the town..but when it comes to marriage, paying bills, and living life that's a different story.....

 

 Your comment about Halle made me think about the Janet Jackson interview last night with Robin Roberts. This is sort of related to lists. Janet was saying that she struggles with self-esteem and self image. Imagine Jermaine Dupri having  say a list of the top ten women who are his dream, and gets with his dream woman, Janet Jackson and realizes that she's got a lot of baggage to work thru. That's what lists can do. Create an unrealistic expectation and when you get what you think is perfect, you see that on the inside it's a hot steaming mess. Jermaine took the good with the bad, but how many folks really do that? They make up their list and stick to it, rational thinking be damned!

Life is hard enough without having to live up to the expectations of someone who will surely come to the table with their own bag of tricks. 

You got THAT RIGHT..bag of tricks by the time you sift through qualifications such as:

1. Decent Job
2. Credit History
3. How much baggage does he/she carries aka kids
4. Mental Issues
5. HIV - Negative
6. Assets

Then we get to the physical part - can he/she fulfill your sexual needs,
Does this person help clean up the house
Does this person have spiritually and believe in god
Does this person have a heart and REALLY care about you
Will this person STILL LOVE ME IF I GAIN WEIGHT
Will this person STILL LOVE ME IF I GET SICK with a incurable disease
Will this person stick with me if I lose my job
Will this person STILL LOVE ME when I get older
Does this person make me laugh
Can this person stimulate my mind mentally and sexually
Will this person be faithful to me
Can I trust this person

There IS  a WHOLE lot to sift through to find  a GOOD marriageable mate...than how cute someone looks in his or her jeans....so after you factor in all these scenarios ...THAT LIST STARTS TO DWINDLE REAL QUICK...LOL

 To piggy back on what you posted, I was listening to the Mike Baisden show on the way home this evening, and they did a recap of an earlier caller and the topic was "Would you still love your woman if she lost a breast to breast cancer?". Some guy calls in and said that he would still love his woman if she lost one breast, but he would think twice if she lost both breast.

SO YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THAT I HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT MY MAN LEAVING ME IF I'M FIGHTING THE BATTLE OF MY LIFE OVER THE FACT THAT I'VE LOST ONE OR BOTH OF MY BREAST OVER A DISEASE THAT I DIDN"T ASK FOR? 

It's too much. Simply too much. So, yeah, you do need to wonder if your mate will still love you if you get sick with a serious or incurable disease. 

It just seems to me that in these troubled times, people would be more concerned with things of substance like what you suggested above. I don't know, maybe I'm missing something. 

My sister married a guy who is not so stylish and a little older. She was diagnosed with cervical cancer and had a hysterectomy before they could have children together (she entered the marriage with two kids, and he entered the marriage with one kid). My sister was secretly worried that this man would leave her because she couldn't give him a child. During one of her chemo sessions that I attended (skipping high school, mind you), this man sat across from me, holding my sisters hand and said "Isn't my wife beautiful?". My sister had lost her hair, eyebrows and eyelashes. THAT MY FRIENDS IS LOVE!!!!!! Its what we are all seeking if we don't already have it. They are still together after all of these years, and he's still not that stylish. He's my best buddy, because he loves my sister like no other man before him could ever strive to. I want someone in his old beat up jeans to hold my hand when I'm at my lowest and tell me I'm beautiful. Isn't that love?

Darlin' you hit the nail on the head.  At the end of the day, will this man and woman really love each other past ALL of the drama.  Listen people, I DON'T have anymore fantasies about marriage.  Trust me!!   I'll say it one more time.  I have been a long, hard marriage for 20 years to a man with a lot of challenges and guess what...so what!!  SO WHAT!!!  I didn't bail when it got hard.  I didn't' bail when he was an asshole.  I didn't bail when he went through a solid 5 years of depression followed by the next 15 of bi-polar swings back and forth.  I didn't bail because he is a hoarder.   I didn't bail when he had cancer.  I am leaving now because after all is said and done, I did all that I can do and now I have to save me.  I managed to lead him to God and now, he has to reach out to God and to the doctors and get the help he needs on his own.  We had illness, money struggles, bought and sold houses and took vacations.  We lost loved ones and had moved away from friends.  We had a beautiful baby. great pets and we had amazing family times.  No fairy tales. No perfect people with perfect bodies.  We had a marriage.  Real marriage.  Real life. 

(whew)..... Okay, so I have made my list so that I can be sure to keep ME in check.   So that I won't make the same stupid mistakes again.  So that I grow to be better and better and if God EVER grants me another man, I will love him with same dedication and commitment, but this time maybe I'll get loved in return.

p.s.  (and Naomi already knows this) My soon to be ex-husband is white.  He is also Canadian.  He is only the second of two white men I have ever dated in my life.  For me, it mattered.  The differences in our cultures both ethnically and in our nationalities made my life harder BUT that is ME.  I don't think I would ever get serious about a white man again BUT again, that's me.  Naomi, for the record sweetie.  I'm so happy for you.  Erik is a good man and you deserve each other.  Don't let the negative spoil your positive boo.  

( Na, I saw that you called girl.  I will catch up this weekend!!)  Smooch!

 

Amen!

Ohhhh weeee I am sitting here LMAO  and agreeing with your post Naomi....

Yanno Rhonda I get sick and tired of these MEN on OBESITY HELP FOR GODS SAKE..making SNIDE comments about Erik looks...and GOT **** HANGING A MILE FROM THEIR OWN bodies and have the nerve to HAVE A FNKIN LIST of REQUIREMENTS for women..PLEEZE..DON'T GET ME RILED UP....thanks sweetie...