Self Destructive Behavior- What?

A little less than two weeks ago, I started the first pre-op steps with the surgeon's center such as first nut meeting, resting metabolic rate test, labs, etc.  I am disgusted with my weight, and the nut gave me many things to do until my appointment with her this Thursday which will be my first of the three required pre-op nutritionist visits.  My daily limits are around 1500 cals, 35 g fat, 70 g protein, 180 g carbs daily.  There is some flexibility there because I am just starting, and she just wanted me to try to do some things because I'm accustomed to eating like one of those people who can eat whatever they want and never gain a pound.  My typical eating choices are horrifying.  
In the beginning of the day, I do very well.  I eat a good breakfast, have the right snacks, eat a good lunch, and by the time I eat my last bite I want something else, which is really atypical for me because before this I only at once or twice a day.
I am eating shiggedy that I didn't even like before the restrictions that have been established.  It seems like every sweet, and horrible treat is on sale at the grocery store.  Why did I buy Twinkies?  I don't even like them and I ate three today. We're not even going to talk about Friday and Satiddy.  i ddn't even log those days in my food journal.  Suffice it to say - OMG
I am really embarrassed to type this!  I mean, yes, this is the reason I am choosing to have the surgery.  I don't see myself as a failure,  I tend to excel at whatever I choose to do, but I can not get it together.  If anyone went through this, what did you do?  

Classy...,
I go through this now, and I am banded. There are days, when I do everything right, and bam, from out of nowhere, I am back fugding up! It is a never ending cycle, but you are taking the most important steps. I sometimes, think I am afraid of reaching my goal, like I will not be able to deal with me once I get there... It is crazy what our psychies can put us through.. Don't beat yourself up over it, just do better tomorrow. It is a new day and you will have new chances... Good luck!

Blessings,
Michelle

Just something to consider.... if you're not able to follow the nutritionist's recommendations, it may possibly end up in her report, which will be sent to the insurance company, which may sway their decision in regards to surgery.

I understand all to well what you're going through.  Best thing to do (since acknowledgement is 1/2 the battle) is regroup.  You know where you went wrong, you have the guidelines to stay on track.  Tomorrow is a new day, take it one meal, one day at a time.  Keep that end goal in sight girl.  You'll be just fine. 

I find this happens every time I need to re group and focus on a new goal.  Just like you do now I want crap post op that I did not think  about pre op.  I'm learning how to manage this but I am no way near there. 

One thing I have learned is not to buy anything I will overeat or have overeaten in the past.  I won't have any more self control today than I did before.  If I choose to have something, I plan it into my day and get rid of any excess immediately.  I indulged myself Saturday and Sunday yet stayed within my calorie goals and got my protien in too.  It took planning.  The most important lesson I've learned on OH:  the BAF vets taught me to plan.

Know what you want to eat for the week.  Have a rough idea day to day and keep things available.  Keep your journal up to date even when its bad news.  You need to prove your ability and willingness to follow the program as well as your need for surgery to loose the weight.  Show it to the psychoogist if visits are part of your process.  Talk about it, its what you're paying for.

Look how many of us have been where you are and are making progress.  You know you can too.