OT: The 'undateable' theory................

Wassup Mack, I see you have a very interesting convo going....and I am being spoke ok.

I have to disagree with there are NOT someone for EVERYONE!. I think the problem lies in location, location location and age, and whether or not you are WILLING or CAN explore other options such as interracial dating and what YOU are really compatible/comfortable with.  As Chris Rock put it the reason why so many sistas HATE when brothas date out of their race is that sistas don't LIKE exploring their horizons with "others" and just stick to black men, whether he beats them, abused them; cheat on them with multiple women OR ...abandon them and leave them as single mothers; they will STILL stick with black men through thick and thin even if they are miserable. But nowadays young black women are starting to do the SAME thing brothas have been doing for the last 30 years meaning dating "others" to offset this male shortage and find their true soul-mate in a different race.

Also I think it's where you live and heavily depends on whether or not you find a good marriage minded black man....Example in the below map OF the most available men in BLUE DOTS and women in Red dots....California, Washington State, Las Vegas, Phoenix Arizona, Dallas Fort Worth Texas, Austin, Texas, Houston Colorado, Chicago, Parts of Florida, are WHERE MOST MEN ARE....Look at the map below... California, New York, or  Chicago,  Colorado, Seattle Washington or Texas... (BUT available does not MEAN eligible..LOL, meaning have a JOB, not an ex-con, baby mama drama, and is willing to get married). I probably would could had a much better chance in getting married to a black man if I lived in the states where most of the blue dots are...In fact I used to get MOST WINKS and emails from men in these states when I was doing Match.com, but I am not willing to relocate that  far because of my job....THERE ARE HARDLY NO AVAILABLE STRAIGHT BLACK MEN IN WASHINGTON, DC.....Also you have a VERY LARGE group of black professional men that MAKE TONS of money in Washington DC, but they are dating and marrying "others" the pickings are are very small for professional black women....Also, I did not grow up in Washington DC, I grew up in the Atlanta area, so me not being a "native" sort of make things worse since I really don't know many people here...

This is why there is a LARGE TREND of young black professional women in the DC area have start to DATE AND MARRY "others" since there is a big shortage of available professional black men; and there IS  A LOT OF OTHERS meaning non black men in the DC area, such as Africans, Arabs, Hispanics, Asian, and Caucasian men, and MOST professional black women preference IS Caucasian men if they can't seem to find that right black man,  since interracial dating has become sort of the norm.

Also I DO agree it gets harder to find that soul-mate after 40 years old, for various reason, MOST men that are in their 40s and STILL SINGLE  probably are the picky ones that wanted that "perfect" woman when he was younger and is still out there probably searching for someone half his age and wants kids/family and MOST 40+ year old women DO not want kids or their biological clock is ticking really fast. Also it's harder for 40+ year old women also, because MOST of the SINGLE MEN over 40+ have DEFECTS...meaning something is derogatory with him, he either cheats and is a bona fine playa and have NO interest in getting married. MOST women who are married just don't kick a GOOD MAN TO THE CURB....so it is up to US women over 40+ to deal with the left overs that's out there and try to make a good meal with the left overs, some are decent and some are not worth putting up with....did I say it's rough out here

Thanks for the map....packing my suitcase now!

to live and die in LA! 

Noami and Husband,

I bet that data map is screwed! I bet Los Angeles is the state with the most Jail cells leading to the highest incarceration rate for black males i e Gang Violence. So all of the men are in jail-yea Long Beach okay!  FYI: think about it! 

I am from NYC and I happen to be a person who has actually met some great men!! The field I work you have to have a degree and my male co-workers have really impressed me!! A great deal of them are married. But I am quite sure that they weren't born that way.  So maybe us single ladies have to work with the ones we have until they become the ones we would like.  They all are not throwaways!! 

Now I am chocolate lover but Baskin Robbins has been known for 31 flavors!! So I just can't limit myself!!


Take care

Amanda

Hmmm... I haven't read the responses yet-this could be interesting.

Personally I don't believe in the soul mate theory-You just gotta find that one person you can love to hate the rest of your life.

 I used to believe that soulmates existed. Now I only think they exist on Valentine's day.  I went to visit a former co-worker the other day, and she and her husband sat in her kitchen during my 3 hour visit wondering why I'm still single. You see, back in their day, you met someone out of high school, settled down and got married. That was back in the 70's, when I was in elementary school. It's a different game now, and these old married friends don't understand that the rules of the game have changed.  After I shared some of my recent dating experiences with them, all they could do was apologize and started scrolling through their mental rolodex of guys who might be available to introduce me to. I didn't even visit for all of that. I was just stopping through to see how they were doing. 

Anyway, I'm still single. I'm not always happy about being single. Sometimes it sucks big salty balls. I have an increasingly difficult time of it at night, when the house is quiet and I'm getting ready for bed. There's no one to talk to. I sleep in the middle of the bed so that it doesn't feel so lonely. I try not to think about it so much. I turned 40 back in June, and honestly, this is not the vision I had for myself at 40. I wanted a husband and a family, but that hasn't happened. I could always adopt a child, there's nothing stopping me from doing that. I just sometimes wish that things would have turned out differently. I know it's not over... 

Also, my coworker got engaged over the weekend. I'm really happy for him, but when I was looking at the pictures from the surprise engagement party, I couldn't help feel a pang of jealousy. This guy is 26 years old. Not for nothing, but why does it seem like the young white guys get their **** together early, but the black guys want to ride the freak train forever? It's not fair. 

Damn dawg - you just encapsulated my feelings right there.......

I hate the empty bed too - I let my daughter sleep with me from time to time just cause - but her big azz feet in my back have stopped me from allow that ish to go on..... LOL!!!!!  And she's asking me from time to time why I am alone - she tells me I'm pretty - how come somebody don't want you?  DAMN!!!!!  It's hard to look her in the face and struggle a reply on that one!!!!

And yea - it is cool to be single - but it SUCKS major wind at times - you nailed that one for sure.  As for if it's over, man - I can't call it, but this cannot be all there is.......

 I would really like to think that there is more to this than meets the eye. I want to remain hopeful, because once you loose hope, well, what else is there? I really believe that people should get what they want out of life. If you want someone to love in a romantic way, you should have it. If you want kids, you should have them. These things don't always come wrapped the way we want them to. I can see myself being a mother. I will probably not put my body through a pregnancy at this point, but adoption is an option. There's motherhood wrapped in a different package. This love thing... well, I don't know of any other package it can be wrapped in. This makes me sad. Still, I remain hopeful. 

And how does one respond to a child asking why you are single? I think about my niece and wonder what the dating conditions will be like for her in 10-15 years. Will she be 40 and single like me? I hope not. I hope she finds someone who she believes is her soulmate and lives to a ripe old age with that person with as little drama as possible. The odds are stacked against her though, but that is my wish for her. 

I was recently on a dating website, and the interest seemed to be there with a lot of men. They all wanted something long term. After talking to and going out with a few of these men, my hopes declined... quickly. It's a mess out here... but still, I remain hopeful. This can't be all there is.

Good Evening all,

Very interesting topic and can honestly say that as we "season" and if 40 is the new 30 then why are there so many single beautiful women that are solo ? I have been on dating websites where men say they wanted something long term and that they don't judge my the size of the woman just the size of the heart ! That is a crock of mess.....So many men want a woman that looks good but who isnt good to them WTH !!!!! Part of me believes in the soul mate theory and GOD works on a mate for each of us but some of us wait longer than others.......I agree with so many of you and I am right there with the empty bed theory and feel that we as strong queens should not have to settle to find happiness.