When do you cut them loose....
Well BAF family,
It's the end of the day and I thought I would tie up the loose ends and answer my own post. The question: When do you cut them loose?
My summation is this, the very moment that you are being treated in a manner that makes you feel unwanted, unattractive, unappreciated and unloved. The very moment when you are disrespected, disregarded, disenchanted and disconnected. The very moment when someone else believes that you are less than worthy of kindness and respect. The very moment when you are treated like an object to be used and thrown away. The very moment that someone puts you one a shelf like a doll, with a painted on smile and outstretched arms, collecting dust just waiting to be picked up and played with again at their leisure. The very moment that the relationship becomes one sided. The very moment when you lower your standards, except less than you are worth and do anything that is beneath your character and outside of your beliefs. The very moment when you cry more than laugh and when the friction becomes static.
Most of all, the very moment when they hurt you.
That moment comes at different times in different situations and with different people. No two situations are the same. I don't believe in pinning this on a gender, race, religion or culture. It's not better in Europe or with white women. It's not worse with black men or better with white ones. It's not better with a home owner, a rich dude, a dime with a big butt and pretty face. It's not better cuz he's a preacher, a teacher, a doctor or lawyer. The grass is not greener on the other side. It's one relationship, one encounter, one conversation at a time.
As for me, I wish there was some manual that explains all the details, but I am sure if there was, it would read like stereo intructions. So as I go along, I will let the Holy Spirit lead me and not lean to my own understanding.
Finally, I've come to know this, the worse thing of all, at least for me, is if and/or when the times comes to cut them loose, usually by then I've become emotionally connected and in the attempt to avoid pain, I ended up hurting anyway for someone I can't have.
Brenda
It's the end of the day and I thought I would tie up the loose ends and answer my own post. The question: When do you cut them loose?
My summation is this, the very moment that you are being treated in a manner that makes you feel unwanted, unattractive, unappreciated and unloved. The very moment when you are disrespected, disregarded, disenchanted and disconnected. The very moment when someone else believes that you are less than worthy of kindness and respect. The very moment when you are treated like an object to be used and thrown away. The very moment that someone puts you one a shelf like a doll, with a painted on smile and outstretched arms, collecting dust just waiting to be picked up and played with again at their leisure. The very moment that the relationship becomes one sided. The very moment when you lower your standards, except less than you are worth and do anything that is beneath your character and outside of your beliefs. The very moment when you cry more than laugh and when the friction becomes static.
Most of all, the very moment when they hurt you.
That moment comes at different times in different situations and with different people. No two situations are the same. I don't believe in pinning this on a gender, race, religion or culture. It's not better in Europe or with white women. It's not worse with black men or better with white ones. It's not better with a home owner, a rich dude, a dime with a big butt and pretty face. It's not better cuz he's a preacher, a teacher, a doctor or lawyer. The grass is not greener on the other side. It's one relationship, one encounter, one conversation at a time.
As for me, I wish there was some manual that explains all the details, but I am sure if there was, it would read like stereo intructions. So as I go along, I will let the Holy Spirit lead me and not lean to my own understanding.
Finally, I've come to know this, the worse thing of all, at least for me, is if and/or when the times comes to cut them loose, usually by then I've become emotionally connected and in the attempt to avoid pain, I ended up hurting anyway for someone I can't have.
Brenda
All I can say is that as an out there once again 40 something I am loving this thread! 
MSW Roux-En-Y Gastric Bypass: Eat sensibly & enjoy moderation
Links: Are you a compulsive eater? for help OA meets on-line Keep Coming Back, One Day At a Time Overeaters Anonymous
L
V'N MY RNY. WORKING FOR ME BECAUSE I WORK FOR IT.
This is a great topic. I was married at 23 and divorced by 26. I went through a stage of drinking and partying after that so needless to say I wasnt attracting quality men! Now at the age of 33 I have matured and gotten myself together, and handle my buisiness in all areas of my life. I am not dealing with any man that shows any signs of the type of foolishness of my past.
What people show you is what ti is. Period. A little lying, unrelaiable behavior, pressuring for sex too soon, extreme jealous behavior, and a basic negative attitude sends me packing in a heatbeat nowadays.
I refuse to buy into the 'statistics' about men not being available for black women. Because of the things that I have ben through in my life it has become a spritual journey for me now. I am not a person who goes to church on a regular basis, but I try to include god the positive spirit in my life in all my affairs. This time I am adding love to the list. As I am on my weight loss journey now I am praying for me to be a good woman for someone and for God to open my heart and to place the right kind of man in my path. Stick to your instincts. Most likely thats a whisper from your higher power. Heartache follows when we dont listen.
What people show you is what ti is. Period. A little lying, unrelaiable behavior, pressuring for sex too soon, extreme jealous behavior, and a basic negative attitude sends me packing in a heatbeat nowadays.
I refuse to buy into the 'statistics' about men not being available for black women. Because of the things that I have ben through in my life it has become a spritual journey for me now. I am not a person who goes to church on a regular basis, but I try to include god the positive spirit in my life in all my affairs. This time I am adding love to the list. As I am on my weight loss journey now I am praying for me to be a good woman for someone and for God to open my heart and to place the right kind of man in my path. Stick to your instincts. Most likely thats a whisper from your higher power. Heartache follows when we dont listen.
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Hey "Miss" Brenda (smiles)...I don't even have to tell you what I feel...when I'm done...I'm done, period...dot!
I used to be one who would try to 'hold on' to a person, even when I knew they did crazy stuff and were not worth my time...but, as many have done, I always would repeatedly give them the so-called benefit of the doubt. Being older means that your time is important, your patience is not as consistent with the crap...and you get to the point when you finally figure out it ain't worth the effort or the heartache or the headache.
By the way, if you are just getting to know a guy and the first thing he wants to do is a 'sports' date...and you KNOW that isn't your thing...DON'T DO IT! DON'T AGREE WITH IT! Because, that means you are settling for his desires and not the both of your desires to spend time with one another.
Good question...and even greater answers!
DD
I used to be one who would try to 'hold on' to a person, even when I knew they did crazy stuff and were not worth my time...but, as many have done, I always would repeatedly give them the so-called benefit of the doubt. Being older means that your time is important, your patience is not as consistent with the crap...and you get to the point when you finally figure out it ain't worth the effort or the heartache or the headache.
By the way, if you are just getting to know a guy and the first thing he wants to do is a 'sports' date...and you KNOW that isn't your thing...DON'T DO IT! DON'T AGREE WITH IT! Because, that means you are settling for his desires and not the both of your desires to spend time with one another.
Good question...and even greater answers!
DD
I choose to love myself, live life to the fullest, and encourage others to liberate themselves!
Hey DD, I'm just catching this now, sorry for the delay. I know you girl! (an even bigger smile). I agree, I don't have the time or patience anymore, but Donna I am so quick to kick someone to the curb. I have missed out on getting to know someone cuz I was too concerned about getting hurt. Plus, I have read too much into something someone has said or done and been TOTALLY of the mark. ( I don't speak man-ezze, so half the time I have no idea what the hell they mean and I don't trust non of 'em no way). There has to be a safe medium between get away from me and walk all over me. *sigh*. I'll get there.
Thanks for the input. I need all the help I can get.
B
Thanks for the input. I need all the help I can get.
B
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