When do you cut them loose....

Hey BAF family, 

I had coffee with some of my girls last night and we got into a discussion about dating and how it's changed.  Two of us are re-entering the dating world after long, long, long, long (have I said it enough) marriages and both of us are now in our 40's.  The discussion topic center around one question.....

When do you cut them loose? I am not talking about the obvious, outstanding physical, sexual or mental abuse.  That goes without saying.  I mean, the average run of the mill dating drama.  

The rules have changed.  Let me explain, when I was dating in my 20's, it was not the norm to do these "sports dates" on your first few dates...like going hiking (WTH)!!! Okay, maybe we would go for a walk or picnic or something and after a while maybe play racquetball, but on the first few dates to be climbing some freakin' mountain????  How 'bout no.  I'm a dinner, dancing, movies, kinda girl.  Not a lets go wrestle a bear in the woods kinda girl! So you get my point, things have changed out there!

I admit, I give people FAR less leeway way when it comes to certain things now then I did when I was in my 20's (thank God) BUT I don't want to become a cynical old shrew either soo... 

When do you cut them loose?  After a few missed calls i.e. didn't call you back when they said they would?  After being a little late for a few dates with out calling to let you know?  After catching them in a stupid little lie i.e. not really speaking some language they bragged about knowing?  When is it time and when is it past due?

I do agree that it's different but so are we.  I've learned to be adaptable to a certain degree.
I'm going to sit back and chill  and take notes   before I reply to this.  Just had a similar situation. 

It's a interesting question, isn't it?!  I am interested in seeing people's thoughts on this as well....so, I'm with ya.......

...if a chick i was interested in agreed to go "birdwatching" on our first date......................i'd wine, dine, and dance with that chick for the rest of my life...

....okay but what beyond not being a bird whatcher and obvious abuse, would make you let her go?

...i was just being silly...but it's a good question...and way to complicated for this format in my mind.  a very complex question from my prospective...   (so i'm opting out...LOL)

Well Doug, Imma deep girl...trust.   I respect your opting out status. 

Brenda,

You are so right.  The rules HAVE changed.  I was divorced when I was 41. I found I had entered a Not-So-Brave New World, in that the things that were important twenty years ago are now mostly irrelevent, it seems.

While there was game-playing back then, I find that it has intensified, as has the walls that one encounters based on previous experiences (those previous experiences can be a ***** lol ).

When do you cut someone lose?  I find its easier before you develop any kind of emotional attachment.  Then again, it depends on WHY that person is being jettisoned. 

If its a short term thing, hell, I just lose the number/email addy.   If its a bit longer, I find I have to let time do its thing....unless they've totally pissed me off (lol). 

To be sure, B, its discouraging as hell out here.  I'm sure you are going to run into boys masquarading as men.  I'm here to tell you that b/s isn't exclusive to my gender.    All I can tell you is, again, follow your instincts.  The NEVER steer you wrong. 

D, I wholeheartedly agree, the indifference to things has definitely been ratcheted up!!!  No one seems to really give a damn or so it appears.  Making real connections has diminished as well.  People are so zombie like out there.  They stagger around until they bang into someone and then stumble away again.  Weird!  I also agree that there are many people wearing masks and what's under them is down right frightening.   

I must admit, I am not God's most patient creature Dwayne and could possible cut someone off prematurely, which I really do not want to do.  I will say this, I am leaning on Holy Spirit guidance through it all.  It's my only chance to get it right!!

Brenda,

You will have plenty of chances to get it right..as long as there is breath in you, there should be hope as well. 

What's under those masks CAN be off-putting.  The scary thing is that some you can see right off as masks.  Others, on the other hand can be so skillful at their use of them that it takes time (if ever) to see thru them.

Again, just trust in ur instinct/the Holy Spirit to guide you.   If you impatience is guiding you to cut that clown loose, that's probably ur instinct telling you to do so, for if you're supposed to be with that person, ur paths will cross again.  If not, oh well. 

In terms of letting go, your spirit will tell you when its time to do so.  For some its longer than others.