Sagging skiin RUINING my love life : )

i've read most of your comments.



There's sound advice here.  I"m not going to speak for men in general..just for me. 

If a man is into you and about you as a woman, the sagging skin won't make a difference.   I have to admit, the first time I was intimate with a woman who's skin was sagging (of course, I was pre-op at the time), I was taken aback for a split second--I can't lie.  But the thing is, I was so into this woman, it really didn't matter.  We worked around it and I tried to make her feel as comfortable with it as possible while knowiing she was very self-conscious about it. 

At 19, you're probably not going to find many guys who are going to look past the sags (hell, at 39 you probably wouldn't either, as funky as we can be about looks at times), but if and when you DO find that one who you think is going to be around for a while and can build something with, let him know slowly. 

I find that with me being nearly three years post-op, I find myself  "breaking the news" to as perspective intimacy companion so as not to run them away (well, no more than they run in horror usually-lol ) about some sagging. 

The funny thing is that, in a way, its kinda like letting someone in on a condition you may have that may affect them during intimacy (I have a close friend, for example, who contracted herpes a couple of years ago).  You don't let everyone in on that "seceret" because they don't have to know UNLESS it comes down to possibly getting intimate with them. 

Your sagging skin, of course, won't stop you from dating.  It may, however, make one a bit more cautious about whom gets to go into the cookie jar, for not every date deserved a crumb, much less a bite. 

Wow, so well said and so honest.  I think about this subject all the time now.  Knowing that soon I will be back into the "dating world" and sooner or later, I will become intimate with someone again (God willing) and will have to deal with the subject of sagging skin somewhere on my body and scars from surgery to repair it all. 

You spoke about "breaking the news" to a perspective companion and doing so slowly as not to send them running.....well for me, I don't want to break it them gently.  I want to tell them harshly.  I want it to be graphic and awful and even make it sound almost worse than it is.  Why??  From the female perspective, I want that man to run BEFORE I take my clothes off  NOT once I have.  That is just too hard on my heart.  Okay, I admit maybe this is just me, but if I have gotten close enough to you to get naked with you, then I have alot invested emotionally and the last thing I want to happen at that point, is to be rejected because I am not attractive enough for you.  I've already been down that road.  It was long ago and long before surgery, but it broke me clean through and I will NEVER go there again.  I say scare the hell out of them first and if they stay around then maybe their worthy.

...if a dude who steps to you has a problem with your loose skin...simply let him keep on stepp'en...

...if a dude steps to you...if he's coming correct...he won't see the loose skin as much as you think he does...he'll just see a penthouse chick...

...just this guys view...

^5, Doug. 

(warning: opening up emotionally here)

Doug...but what if they say they don't have a problem with your loose skin or scars but then when you let them get close to you, they really do and reject you?   What if they say they like a curvy women, but when they when they get close to me, I'm not their "kind" of curvy or I'm not curvy in the right spots or whatever?  Ugh.... The whole thing terrifies me and has me wanting to run for the hills!!!  Is it any wonder why I keep to myself!! 

...if their "actions" are different from what they "say"...they ain't coming correct.  (the old adage..."talk is cheap"...is indeed true...)

..."they"...need to keep on stepp'en...

don't keep to yourself.  knock the dust from your heals and press on...

Thanks Doug.  I'm not sure my heart of glass is ready for any of this.     I've been accused of running for my cubby hole like scared mouse as soon as anyone gets close to me and I'm sure that is true to some degree.  Maybe I just need to add some thick skin to my sagging skin.   

Brenda,
If a dude runs that line on you and then recoils when he sees you, its the same thing I was saying above: a man who is truly into you is going to be into you regardless.  This clown was obviously someone who said what he thought you wanted to hear to get what he wanted..the sad thing is you don't know someone's sincerity UNTIL you deal with them in one way or another. 

its sad that we never really know if someone is into you or not, whether it be sags as a so-called deterent, or a handicap, or a disease or even finacial mishaps. 

B, you don't have to run for the hills at all: your diamond in a sea of glass is out there and he won't give a damn about what sags you may or may not have.  He's going to be with you for the woman you are. 

Dwayne, thank you and I receive that, I really do.  You are correct, it's sad that when you find out somone's true colors, you are already emotionally invested and often that is too late to pull away and not get hurt.  How do you safe guard yourself before that happens?  For me, asking God to send the right one is key and then it comes down to time spent and converstations had.  It's a process.  Anyway, it's not like there is a line forming to the left so, I have plenty of time to think about it.

But I must admit, those hills look awfully good when all I see is glass around me.