OT - How questions asked on interviews are really interpreted...

  You ask: What are the opportunities for advancement, and do you typically promote from within?   Interviewer hears: I'm the 'smile-in-your-face/cut-your-throat/go-behind-your-back/step-over-you, eagerly aggressive, stickler for details that will come back to bite you in the azz, alpha-employee' type. All I want to know is just who's butt I have to kiss, with whom do I have to sleep, stab in their sleep, or blackmail in order to get promoted quickly and often around here?
You ask: What types of off-site training programs do you offer or affiliated with?

Interviewer hears: "Well Golly Gosh-darn...  Y'alls gonna fly my backwater, weekend moonshine-sippin, hay-seed and tobacco chewin, country-bumpkin azz to a whole new big city with even brighter lights from time to time?  Perhaps y'alls could include one of dem dere fancy meal budgets and expenses sheets to fill out while I'm away, only to sit in some cold-behind class room, while I daydream all day, and some boring lecturer drones on and on about something dumb and confusing?  I just can't wait until I call Mama 'n dem from the hotel room and tell 'em, 'Y'all will never guess where I am at ratt now...'"  
You ask: While researching your firm I learned that the company recently _________.  Can you tell me a little bit more about this development?

Interviewer hears:  They taught me to say this in my job preparedness class at school but I don't really care about any of that.  What I really want to know is "how much I can expect to get paid, will y'all help pay my student loan bills, and how soon can I start up in hurr?" 

You ask: Will I primarily be working independently or as part of a team?

Interviewer interprets as:  Oh no this heffa/mawfuggah didn't just try to find out on the sly if they will be left alone to play around on Facebook or surf the internet all dayum day? 

You ask: Can you tell me what my average day would be like?

Interviewer hears: You know I need to know how often I can call my girlfriend, Janice or my boyfriend, Woodrow, whenever I get bored.  Plus I need to know if I can sit and do my nails at my desk or flirt with the other employees on my other free time.

You ask: What do you enjoy most about working here?

  Interviewer hears: This job sounds boring as hail.  I only went on this interview because my mom has been getting on me lately about bumming around the house doing nothing.  Y'all ain't got no gym or no employee lounge or nuttin around here...? 

you stoopid cole!!!!!!