Babygirl Gets Grown.. and Leaves Home...Part I

Let me preface this before i began yet another long diatribe about the successes and struggles of raising a teenage girl as a single father...I backed up for a minute from posting the Chronicles of Babygirl because i thought i was putting too much of my personal business and hers out there for the world to read..My momma always said you wash your dirty laundry inside and hang it clean outside..But after some deep soul searching i came to understand that my parenting position is a unique one in that none of my boys share my experiences so they lack the insight to properly process the many situations i have found myself in with her..NOt only am i the only cat in my crew raising a female child alone i am the only one with a teenager in the house and that brings a whole different set of dynamics to contend with ..But more than that i have come to respect the sounding board of sisters here on BAF from all across the country who share my experiences as a parent and her experiences as a teenaged female.. so i come to you now with the mindset that it truly takes a village to help raise my child.... or a couple of you sistas to help bury her ass in my backyard..and so..the saga continues..

I was upstairs putting away laundry when i heard the garage door open with a jolt.  I glanced over at the digital clock on my dresser and was surprised by the fact that she was home an hour earlier than i had told her.  The summer sleepovers with her girlfriends usually translated into long sleep ins until noon or so.  I could still hear my grandmother's voice booming through the house"You can't get nothing done laying that bed so get up and get to it"  Saturday mornings were clean up days in my house growing up.  You couldn't piss **** or fart until my grandmother's house was spotless.  It was summer and she wasn't working full time so i decided to parlay the housekeeper save some cash and have Babygirl pitch in a little more.  Besides, she needed some structure in the summer.. Last week  i called her on my way home from work to see where she was and she casually announced that she was on the way to the Jersey shore with her girlfriends.  I damn near blew a blood vessel.  Beaches. Boardwalks. Babes in Bikinis and Boys drinking brews. Bad mix.  I let her have her freedom but shyte freedom ain't free.  It cost something to be free and forgetting to tell me where you going to a beach party when i'm a hundred miles away working is gonna cost you every time.  I heard her downstairs sucking her teeth opening and slamming the refrigerator and pantry doors like she had a serious case of munchies.  
     Our relationship has disintergrated into a mere shell of what it was a year ago and i have had to remind her on more than one occasion that this is a parent child relationship.  I try to be her friend but i got to be her father and this ain't some popularity contest.  It's gotten so bad that our conversations are short curt and to the point to avoid the drama.  But she's been acting real "extra" with me this summer.  Litttle trick got her license, a punk ass part time job and some punk ass puerto rican boy with a pony tail trying to holla at her and now she walking around here like Princess Lea or some ****  I try to be cool most of the time cause i know her intellectual and emotional maturity are still developing.  But there's still rules to this parent child thing and she got em twisted right about now.  "Let me tell you something girl and don't you ever forget it.  You will meet alot of men in your life.  But I am the only man you ever gon meet that's going to love you in spite of yourself.  I am the only man you'll ever meet who is going to love you even when you are unloveable.  So it would behoove you to be real careful about how you handle this relationship. Cause long after that pretty smile cracks and that little wet hole dries up i will still be your father.  And you gon need me long before i ever need you."  I stand in my doorway with the intent of commenting why she came home so early when all of a sudden,  No she didn't!!  No this little trick heifa didn't just walk past me like some ******g tenant!!  This was a cardinal sin in my grandmother's house punishable by a swift kick in your azz or a slap against your dome.  And she knows it. I've told her no less than a thousand times. "Good morning Krystle!"  She don't even turn around.  She just mutters a low Hi heads to her room and closes the door behind her.  My pressure rises quicker than Jesus on Easter mornin.  I can feel the blood rushing through my veins like a locomotive with no brakes. I wait five maybe ten minutes to catch my breath and then i head over to her room.  Ass and Attitude.  That's all i get from this chick.  Her nasty attitude to deal with and her skinny ass to kiss.  As long as i do or let her do what she wants i'm Father of the ******g Year but when i say no I get ass and attitude.  I had enough of this new generation bullshyte.  I high step it to her room and knock twice before turning the knob.  OH HELL NO!!! NO THIS HEIFA DIDN"T LOCK THE DOOR!!  This is it. I am done.  She knows i don't play that locked door crap.  You can close it and i prefer that you keep it closed cause the room is always shot to hell anyway.  But I've told her no less than a thousand times not to lock MY door unless you paying rent.  Before i could catch myself, i punched the door with a closed fist.  "Open this g#@$% door!!  Now!!!!"    
   The door swung open with the same force that i struck it with. "I told you about locking doors!"  I stand there like a bull in the pen nostrils flaring eyes bloodshot red.  And where is she going?  is she? No it can't be?  Tell me my child my seed this fruit of my loins is not stepping to me toe to toe in my face?  In my house??  Oh sweet father save her from herself!!  I don't hear the words coming out her mouth i just hear the octave in her voice and i know that Death is near. Very near. Shh!! Can't ya'll hear his chains rattling up the staircase?  I can feel his bony skeletal fingers tapping me on my shoulders.  I can hear his raspy voice bellowing in my ear the stench of decaying flesh burning my nostril hairs, "SHe'*****ing you D!  Kill her!! Kill her Now!!! Do it!!  We can bury her under the house!!! No one will ever know!! We can just say she ran away!!" Man, this is some weird Edgar Allan Poe type shyte going on right here..  Instinctively, i dropped my strong side leg and angled my torso so i could get the right angle the right momentum behind this Mike Tyson gut shot i was about to lay on her.  But wait a minute.  What is she doing?  Is she countering my move?  Is she stepping in when I'm stepping out?  No she ain't stepping forward when i step back so i can't load these guns up on her ass! How does she know what i am about to do? Where did she learn this?  and oh Sweet Father no this trick didn't raise her finger!!!!! 
     The next few minutes were a blur.  All i remember is switching southpaw and catching her across the grill with a booga hook and then tossing her across the bed onto the floor.  She jumped up and hurdled back across the bed like a gazelle and landed right back in my face.  God move me. Please move me from this place now i beg of you.  I see her finger coming up again and lips still moving.  Everything fades to a deep dark abyss of blackness.  I can't remember what i did or what i said after that.  When i regained my senses, she was standing in my bedroom..over in the corner beside my dresser..chest heaving.. tears streaming...hair strewn over her face..holding a pair of scissors.. looking like Diana Ross in Lady SIngs the Blues.. (fade out. end of part I)

 WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lord knows daughters will take you there.  Thank God mine made it out alive, but there were many close calls.  No advice, but loads of empathy for you.  (((((HUGS)))))

Damn........damn.
Mine is only 7 but I better start praying now because I don't know how the story would have ended if it were me.

OMG!!!!!! Mine is only 11 years old.....and I am already sensing major "tude". Lord help us all...if she ever bucks up to me!!!!! Is there any women in her life that she could talk too about what is going on with her.... You might want to try a female therapist. Seriously...shes obviously going through something....maybe...she can't talk to you about it. Sometimes...it would behoove her to have a trusting relationship with a female to talk to about some things. Its the same as if I was a single parent raising a son....I would benefit from having a man figure in his life to run those....man talk topics through.  Its definitely admirable that you are a single father raising a girl but in this case...you might have to pull out some different guns!!! Hang in there bruh...I feel your pain. 

Father I come to you in the mighty name of Jesus. I lift this father up to you and ask that you give me peace in a very stormy situation. Give him wisdom, grace and understanding. Fill his mouth with words, that will, encourage, education, love, and correct. Anoint his daughters ears that she may hear the words of correction, and become not only a hearer but a doer of those words. I ask you Father that you restore, renew, and regeneration their relationship in Jesus name.  Amen. 
It sounds like a battle of the wills and with teenagers they will try you. May I suggest when the two of you are not so angry at each other, you take her to a place the two of you enjoy.  Then use that opportunity to discuss your differences. Allow her to speak her peace without being disrespectful and you speak yours. There maybe somethings hidden below the surface and she needs to get those things out in the open. You can't help her if she doesn't tell you what's wrong.  I do hope things work out for you and your daughter. If I can help in any way just let me know.  Plus I have already paid most of my bills and I don't have enough money to bail you out of jail.

I can relate Donnie


Raising a teenager is hard. Period. 

The girls come with an extra something -something due to the PMS factor. 

In my house.....we get it tri-fold just by the nature of the family composition. 

I find myself saying YES more times than I care to  JUST  keep the peace.....

I hate it,  cause it does a dis-service to her and what Im trying to teach her.....

but Im learning that  just cause you lose the battle, dosent mean you cant win the WAR. 

There's a ba-zillion ways  to skin our cats  before its all said and done.

Its about staying two steps ahead of them,  and using psychology every chance possible.

Take sex for example......my daughter is still a " lady "   And part of the reason why is because I told her.......that many of the boys her age were born with HIV and dont know it.

Did I lie ??  Nope.  Has it  put enough fear in her from having sex ??

 Yes it has,  for now at least.  Thats one problem down ( temporarily ) Next........


Love & light man.....this too shall pass.......

 

LOL @ Take sex for example......my daughter is still a " lady "   And part of the reason why is because I told her.......that many of the boys her age were born with HIV and dont know it.

You gotta do what you gotta do......I may have to use that one.

I am using that one too ....and if I need to..will incorporate pictoral graphics!! Don't have me photoshop those little peezy head boys from her class pictures....from healthy looking to ones with full blown AIDS.....aahhhhh  I didn't stutter....not trying to be a young grandma or FOR REAL...having to cope with HIV.   
 

No you didn't!!!   Boys born with HIV . . . OMG!