OT - Too much free time on my hands...

Dear Journal: 

There I was, thoroughly engrossed in the movie, The Time Travelers Wife over the weekend.  It was a beautifully written, melodramatic poignant tale of --- HOLD UP!!!  Wait a minute!  Picture me paying to see some bull**** sleeping pill enducing, syrup dripping, sugar-sweet garbage like that.  I'll tell ya just as sure as I Iive and breathe, walk, talk, and kick da ballistics, it'll never happen. 

 

Instead I went to see GI Joe - The Rise of Cobra.  Believe it or not the movie was way better than I had orginally expected or hoped for a movie based on a bunch of Hasbro made army toys, that first got their own successful TV show, and then finally made their way onto the big screen.  I remember back when Chuck Berry used to sing about a toy that he had, which was around way before any of these action figures were even created or thought of, but good ole Chuck had to had to sing and dance his way into the hearts of millions every night before he ever made it onto the big screen, and when he finally did, the Ding-A-Ling toy was only found in the ***** movies.  Once again, Cheerins, RACISM rears it's ugly head.

 

But I digress...

 

Now I know it's kinda late in the summer season to be going to see a self-proclaimed blockbuster like "Joe" but after Transformers 2 failed to give me the warm and fuzzies like a shot of Hennessy over even yet more toys turned cartoon stars-turned movie stars, I decided to pace myself with this one and not rush in.  Then I found out that that Marlon Wayans was in it and I just knew that it wasn't going to make me feel warm and fuzzy but rather sad and dejected that I gave my hard earned beer money - money that I had earmarked for the Mega Million jackpot this past weekend, to see it.  But, stranger things have happened and I'm telling you that I now hereby declare Mr. Marlon Wayans as Scene Stealer of the Year.  Great job, my friend.  Great job.
 

First of all, the leading cast of characters that he had to work with took your mind in several directions all at once making his job harder than ever from the door.  Let me explain: Cobra Commander and Destro came off like two bungling idiots as expected - so no suprises there, but my man Zartan, who had his sights set on a much bigger prize, wasn't quite as menacing as he was in the cartoon.  That pissed me off because I always liked Zartan.  And where was his band of merry crooks and happy felons, the Dread Nots?  They were what got me hooked on the dayum TV show in the first place, because I thought that they were actually called the Dread Locks at first and had some light-skinned brothas from the Caribbean running around with nuclear weapons and rocket lauchers strapped to their backs, wreaking havoc at the ram dancehall: 

Donovan: Ya n'ear wuh 'appen?  Dem Gee Eye Jo mon dem acome and mAsh up me good buildin over dere ya kno...  Deh mon dem say im nah gon pay fo it 'cause im an Armee mon, ya know.  Whuh we gonna do to dem yankee mon, Zartan?  Eh?

Zartan: Easy now, bwoy. First we gonna catch im...  and den we gonna kill im azz?

Yah mon.  I was hooked.

If you've ever watched Oz on HBO, then Heavy Duty, played by Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje (don't worry I won't even try and ask you to try and pronounce that one), once played Simon Adebisi (pronounced Ad-eh-Beesee, as in Add a Beast.  Again, RACISM, but that's another review...) kept making you think that at any moment he was gonna break character and straight-up prison rape Gen. Hawke, who was in a wheelchair for chrissakes, or one of the other GI Joe's just on G-P, right up their GI tract.  Jeeeeesus.  Now that's scary.  Especially scary for poor Marlon, cause most of the extras in this movie all had the Wayans last name attached somehow.  Man on the forklift: Pookie Wayans; Man in elevator; Ray-Ray Wayans; stunt double for the Baroness: Shawn Wayans.

Huh?!? 

Anyway...  The fair red-headed, Scarlet, wasn't feeling my boy, Marlon, at first but by the end of the flick she was acting like she desperately wanted to have drinks with him and possibly let my man sip slowly from her "fuzzy cup" just below her fuzzy navel, and them let him lick all the salt from around the rim of her "martini glass."  Go Bro!  Next, they had this dayum-near crossed-eyed fella playing Duke, the rough and rugged "never say die" Captain America archetype for all seasons that, in my opinion, is supposed to be played by a military version of John McClain - Bruce Willis' character from the Die Hard movie franchise, not that old bastid who let Obama kick his azz in the last American Presidential race.  Instead they cast a mawfuggah whose 'crooked letter-crooked letter eye' made him look like he was either always sad and remorseful over something Marlon had just said or that his eye muscles were conspiring with his frown muscles to stage a takeover of his head in order to make his face look silly.  Score one for the those pesky little frown muscles - Mission Accomplished!  Now the baddest ninja going in this flick was actually a ninja for real - Snake Eyes.  This dude was so baddazz and tough, that he could get away without even saluting or yelling, "Go Joe!"   WTF???  Now that my friends is gangsta right there.  If I ever have to fight a brotha like him in a dark alleyway, trust me that I'm bringing a platoon of my own along with Simon Adebisi out in front (he'll never bring up my rear nothin.)  Sheeeeeeeeeeet...  I gotta level the dayum playing field somehow.  And when we put the hurt to him, I'll be standing over him yellin, "If you don't give a dayum, then we don't give a fugg!  What?! Okaaaaaaaaaay!  Don't start no **** won't be no ****!

Introducing....Pastor Di's little brother....Double_Ayy! I have free time on my hands but dayum not that much time to read this right now. I will check it out later.

Damn - does that mean he gon have a b-day fund too?

  and

Nah...  I don't need no b-day fund to say:


Psst...  Lemme hold $5.

<<<<<<----------------- JUST FLATLINED...CALL 9-1-1!

Wake up, DD!  We playin hooky today.  We have places to go and thangs to do... 

LOL!  can't you tell it's 'WRONG AS HELL' day for me?????

Aww damn.  I didn't know exactly to whom or what your earlier post was referring to, but all the dots are connecting now.

Heehee...you are so wrong!

Oh snaps!  Faithy-Faith got jokes!

But nah...  go back and re-read the subject line, Sis.  I said I had too much free time on MY hands.  We all see what's in your hands these days.