OT: yea - again... Relationship question (so sue me!)

For those of yall IN one -

how did you bring up the subject of exclusivity and commitment?  Did you casually date first then come to the decision, did you start out that way?  Who brought it up first?

For thos of yall NOT in one -

Did you **** up your last by NOT broaching the subject or jumping the gun - what would you do differently?

It's a boring Monday - I couldn't think of other topics.......

LOL!   No response from me. I am going to TRY to say away from  your OT questions because before I know you will throw my arse under the bus in a NY minute.   

Oh - like you ain't BULLSEYE my behind yourself!!!!  HEFFA!!! 

back at ya! LOL!!!

Well My friend,

I am just putting in my 2 cents.  Me...I have no time to waste...I am not interesting in spending a lot of time talking to you if we are not on the same page.  I am trying to hit the jackpot so I am not playing the penny machine.

most of the time I have had guys to come straight to the point and ask what am I looking for ...I say I am glad you ask here it is.....It drives them or it draws them.

I have no problem saying I dont want to have fun and play around......I am looking for a serious, meaningful committment relationship with lots of strings.

I either continue conversations are they disappear.  If they disappear I know we were not on the same page.  If they keep hanging around I pay attention to see if they just had the ability to endure or if they are serious...time always tells.   I stick to my guns....

Ours was a strange union.  We started out as Friends and then we were Friends with Benefits.  As time went on we mutually wanted more and were strangly on the same page.

One night I sat him down and had this "emotional" long drawn out talk.
Complete with ultimatum - "If we are gonna be no more then friends with Benefits then I'm out because I need more than that."
He tried to stop me but I would NOT be stopped.
When I finished he just looked at me and said OK.
To which I flicked out OK???  OK what?  What's OK?  Are we or aren't we???
He was like OK.  It's me and you.  I tried to stop you and say the same thing but you wouldn't let me.

To this day those 2 little letters mean the world to us.

I guess I said all that to say that when we got to that place WE both knew it in our hearts and were ready to take the plunge.  When it's right you'll both feel it.

One night I sat him down and had this "emotional" long drawn out talk.
Complete with ultimatum - "If we are gonna be no more then friends with Benefits then I'm out because I need more than that."
He tried to stop me but I would NOT be stopped.
When I finished he just looked at me and said OK.
To which I flicked out OK???  OK what?  What's OK?  Are we or aren't we???
He was like OK.  It's me and you.  I tried to stop you and say the same thing but you wouldn't let me.

OMG!!!! Can we say DEJAVUE.... I did the exact same thing with my guy. It's true you both have to want the same thing and I'm looking for someone that is equally yoke with me.

I probably should have done that. lol... I think i'm going to call him!

Good topic. 
I think I shoot myself in the foot when it comes to the committment portion of a relationship.   I never bring that up for fear of rejection, which is really stupid because there has to be some likeness of a relationship in order to be moving towards the committment portion right?
In the case of the love of my life and me, I felt he was not moving quickly enough, and being nonchalant in terms of our direction.  In addition, we live 300 miles apart- so what did I do? I ended the relationship.  Mind you- that was 3 years ago, I have been in other relationships and I have been engaged since then to another man (who incidently, jumped the gun on the exclusivity tip himself).  We still see each other, talk regularly, and he is still the love of my life.
What would I do differently? I would have stopped acting afraid of being rejected when I was being shown love, and at least brought the subject up instead of waiting on him.
If he is worth it, then I think tactfully broaching the issue is okay- as opposed to giving ultimatums like idiots do :)
Edit: And when I say idiots, I'm speaking of the ranters and ravers I know that try to lock down a man when they KNEW that commitment wasn't where the relationship was headed.  I see those casualties regularly!

Sorry for the lengthy post! My fingers have big mouths.

Real quick answer...

Talk about it BEFORE you give up the drawers..

I know too late for that... LOL

Seriously, once you become intimate with someone you should never feel afraid to ask anything. An unanswered question will never get answered.  After the intimacy what is left, seriously??

When I met my hubby he was going through a divorce, and I knew pretty much he wasn't looking to be tired down to anyone. I decided to stick around and brought it up on down the line (year later). We dated another two years and was on vacation at our favorite yearly spot VEGAS and decided to get married... no rings or nothing at the time.