Life after WLS

i don't even talk about WLS other than this site...That's the way I am starting to feel.

At first I was taken aback and didnt know how to respond or feel. Then I began to feel that I was doing something wrong for being so happy...but like I said before its been a transformation and I am blessed...actually better than blessed.

It's sad to say but I may have to start removing people from my life...Im not going to feel bad because I've had surgery or I'm happy! 

Hi LadyRed,

Quite honestly, I have never had this type of experience.  To give a background, I have the highest self-esteem of anyone on the planet.  Not to say that I don't notice the stares or the lack of comments from certain people who I used to know when they are CLEARLY in awe at my new appearance - I just dont give a damn! And they know me, and that I will break them down in a New York minute - they are not bold enough to make a comment to Miss Mill cuz I will break them down to their least common denominator!  I know who I am and why I am and don't need validation from ANYONE..im ****** FLY!!!  =) 

That being said, sometimes we have to look at ourselves and how we allow others to control situations.  People only do what you let them do, so your lack of self-esteem opens the door for people to prey on you.  While people (for their own selfish reasons and inadequate feelings about their weight) will make comments, it is the way that you RESPOND to them that makes all the difference.  You have to stand up for yourself and stop being a punching bag for others to steal your joy!!  Thats just the bottom line.  This is YOUR life and this is a WONDERFUL journey for you - they can't take that away unless you are docile enough to ALLOW them to; in actuality, there are two parties involved in this - YOU and THEM! 

When they make comments about you needing a shaper, or needing to get in the gym say 'Well maybe we could go shopping for one TOGETHER, cause girl you need one as well!' or 'Your man likes the jiggle!' LOL.  WATCH the faces and expressions after THAT comment to them!! See, your life is about YOU and being the best YOU that you can be..and for all those who have negative comments and want to try and bring you down - tell them to go to hell, drink pine-sol and run around the block, or kill themselves - AND MEAN IT!  Basically, you are having this experience because you are letting others get away with the snide comments and remarks.  Put your shoes ON, hold your head UP, and walk PROUDLY.  Hell, they only WISH they could look as good as you.  =)

Always remember Dawn: "There are some things money CAN buy; for every thing else there's SELF-ESTEEM.  Accepted everywhere!!!" 

Be blessed and enjoy the rest of your wonderful journey.  The next time someone says something out of the way to you...take a lesson from Celie on 'The Color Purple'...just stick your tongue out at them! 

LOL@ tell them to go to hell, drink pine-sol and run around the block, or kill themselves - AND MEAN IT! 

I am not a mean spirited person so no matter what negative comments may come my way there are certain things I will not say...I dont want to be so full of myself or ****y that good,genuine people dont want to be around me because my attitude is replusive...but I will remember to stick out my tongue!! LOL

LadyRed,

I say Be and Stay Encouraged!!  I havent had my WLS yet (scheduled on 9/16/09) and I already got  haters talking crazy and trying to discourage me from getting it. I even have some  family members and co-workers telling me that I will have the "ole woman" look and was comparing me to other friends of theirs that had WLS -but had complications.

Regardless, I let them know my decision is not based on how they felt about it. I'm doing this for me and my health. My husband is supporting me and I'm glad about that.  Due to the fact that i have people taking negative already before the surgery, it sure wont make that much of an impact on me after I have it. I accepted the fact that I dont need to be validated by anyone in whatever decision that i make in regards to my lifestyle change.

So, expect haters. But dont let that run you or wreck your self esteem!! Keep your head up Missy!!  God Bless

 

Thanks Flarice...and congrats on your surgery date! 

I think it's important for you to remember why you had the surgery in the first place.  It was more than likely health focused.  If you're a woman, (all women) you've thought of the concept of being a perfect size fill-in-the-blank and that makes you happy, but it's not what it's about.  The thing about the haters is that they aren't thinking about the health reasons you had WLS.  They're thinking about your incredibly shrinking self and it makes them mad that you took the 'easy way out'.  They're speaking from ignorance and envy.  They think it would be nice to lose that much weight in so little a time with seemingly no struggle.  They're jealous of the bravery and strength it took you to have WLS and are angry with themselves for not being able to do it.  OR, if they're not overweight and they have **** to say, it's about enjoying that you were the fat one in the bunch and feeling threatened about the shift. 

People, even family and long-time friends surprise you with bad attitudes and it sucks.  My BFF of 26 years told me that it was ridiculous for me to even consider anything under 165 lbs as a goal with or without WLS because I would look bad.  I was like, "Really?  Don't regular people who are 5'4" weigh 120 - 164 and look normal?"  It's not like I'm a giant among men who would look freakishly skinny.  When I graduated from high school I was a size 8 and I weighed 142.  It stands to reason that after 3 kids and 2 c-sections that I might need to weigh less to be in the same size and I don't think a size 8 is unrealistic at all!

It was another friend of mine who pointed out that her attitude sounded like jealously.  My BFF has always said I was prettier than she is (I don't know that I agree, but this is her perception) and perhaps in the back of her mind she may have thought at least she's skinny.  At this point she weighs 133 and that's the biggest she's ever been in her life.  I've always been heavier than she and it may be inconceivable to her because in her mind if I both am prettier and I weigh less what will she have left?  She's also single and has no kids and wants them, so might actually really need me to be the heavier than she is.  Sigh.  It's really sad to think about, but there it is.

I think it's important for you to surround yourself with positive people and to hell with those who wish to bring you down.  Don't give up your OH friends, my dear, because we're uniquely aware of what you're going through and have nothing but love for you.  I feel like the people from OH and my support group meetings are the only ones *****ally understand.  It's not cool that the people who have been in our lives and are supposed to love us don't and can't wrap their heads around us, but if they don't ,they don't.

Again.  Sigh!

I'm sorry that you are going throw this. You got a lot of good advice from folks here. It is sad the way many get threatened when people close to them do something to better themselves. I think it makes people question their own choices. It happens in many different scenarios. I remember when I to college & grad school, when I went to live abroad, bought my first home did anything that others were threatened by I would hear snide remarks. I never let it phase me. I've always looked at it as their problem not mine. As long as I am proud of my progress I really don't care what others think of me. I'm the ultimate person that I an accountable to. I love my husband & what thinks of me is important too but it is still my body & my life. I decided to get WLS because of the way I've been feeling about my weight. I haven't always been overweight to the point I am at now. In fact about 3 years ago I was wearing a size 12. I am at my highest weight & it has gotten me down. It isn't because of what others think of me it because of what I think of myself.Many of my friends have not seen me at the size I'm currently wearing. I don't like being this weight & have become a lot less social. I have decided to have WLS because I want to avoid many of the health problems of my mom & I want my life back. I want to get back in to my designer clothing & shoes, walk with ease, use the health club & pool in my condo complex more often & have another child before my eggs dry up.
Remember the reasons that you had WLS & to hell with them & their jealousy. You just keep doing your thing. You are looking good & staying healthy!

 Let me start by saying, If know one told you they love you today ,remember God loves you and so do I.
 
You  had surgery because it was the only way to say your life. Remember its not important what others think about its only important what you think about you. You feel good and look good later for the haters. If you need someone to talk to find someone who has walked in your shoes already.We can't please everyone so why do we try. Please yourself, its all about you.