OT-How do you handle this situation???

How do you handle it when someone says something negative to you? How do you not let it get under your skin? For example yesterday a man and his friend said I was ugly (to my face mind you) and that comment has been bothering me ever since...What tricks do you use to not let what people say to you get under your skin?

first of all - you need to be secure in YOU.  Let's dig into WHY that comment bothers you..... what validity do you feel it holds?  And this man and his friend - how important are these mofos to your overall scheme of things in your life?

there was a chick on here that commented that I have a 'hard' looking face and that I am an airhead.  Ummm - ok.  Well, let's see...... this is a internet forum, last time I checked I am the only mofo paying bills in my house and ummm - *I* tell myself I am a gorgeous mofo erryday.  Hell - you might BE ugly to THAT mofo - and guess what?  that ONLY means that he's been gracious enough to label himself USELESS to you before you spent any energy getting to know him.

I personally prefer sorry azz mofos to flash that label early - keeps me movin on at a steady pace instead of being bogged down with bullshiot.  So - how do I keep shiot from getting under my skin?  I take the stance that MY reality is just that - MINE - no one alters it without my permission. 

Thanks Mack Mama for that. You are speaking the absolute truth. And I need to tell myself that over and over today. I think the reason it bothered me so much is because a little part of me started to believe that maybe it was true. No these negro's aren't anything to me. I was just standing there waiting on someone so I decided to strike up a conversation and say hello (and I wasn't flirting mind you). Then the conversation went all wrong real fast. That's what I get for trying to be sociable. But I am not going to make a conscious effort not to trip on it anymore.

can you give me a play by play of the convo - you got me confused right about now on how that comment came out of that situation.......

Ok I will give you the general gist. I was standing outside waiting for my cousin to come out with her slow ass. So I saw this guy that's a friend of my cousin. I said hey what's up to him. Told him I haven't seen him in awhile. He just got married so I asked him how married life was treating him. You know making small talk. Then I joked about maybe I should try and get married next. That's when the convo went downhill. That's when him and his friends started snickering and doing that thing where you talk about someone in front of their face like its a private joke and you don't think they get it. But I am not retarded. I know what they meant. The guy I was speaking to was like there you go Mike (talking to his friend) and like I said that's when the conversation turned ridiculous. Its one of those things that you had to be there. I just walked away I couldn't take anymore.

I know exactly what you mean and THAT IS BULLSHIOT!!!!  Damn retarded azz niccas!  And that wasn't even a GROWN azz approach!!!!  Middle school level crap!!!!!

You good to have just walked away - I'm a confrontational ho, myself - especially to simple ish like that.  Tell you what, if I am your wing man - you can COUNT on a verbal azz kickin, maybe even a REAL beat down.

So impressed for you keeping your composure - you are MUCH better than ME! 

Thanks MD. I think that we are very similar in this regard. I often devalue myself and I am constantly working on it. I am a LOT better at it. But every now and then I get a set back. Like yesterday at church. I know these guys but I don't know them know them you know what I mean. Its a hi bye situation. So I really am going to take what they said with a grain of salt. I think I kinda of been feeling bad all weekend because my clothes are not fitting anymore and I can't afford to buy anything new at this point. So I have been kinda of hard on myself mentally for a couple of weeks now. So when they said that it brought everything to a head. But like MM said I need to deal with my feelings about me. Because there is always going to be ignorance running around here in this world.

What you should do is write down all the things that you are good at doing.  I will give you an example of my list:

Child of God
Extraordinary Cook and Baker
Master Knitter and Crocheter
Loyal Friend
Beautiful Black Queen
Weight Loss Champion

This is an example of my short list , off the top of my head.  Create your own and carry a copy with you at all times, put a copy at home in a couple of places where you can see it, and if you have a place at work- post it there.  Sometimes we have to remind ourselves of who we are as individuals.  When you have a weak moment and need to feel better about yourself, pull out that list and read it...preferably out loud.

I'm sorry, I don't have any advice, just want to say I'm sorry you ae upset.  All I can think of is maybe look in the mirror-you are by no means an unattractive woman.  Also think of the other things about you that make you a great person.  Looks fade in time for everyone.