o/t worth salvaging or straight to scrap ???

Hey family,

If you had an acquaintance for close to 25 yrs that only calls  to blow off steam/cry/vent/schitt and so forth.....but never invites you to hang out and have fun with other mutual friends when events came up would you be feeling used ??

Would you dump the friend without telling why you dumped them ???

Or would you feel compelled to share your feelings and try to work it out for the sake of the 25 yr association ???

I am in a situation like this...with someone Ive known since junior high and cant believe that me and this friend are still STUCK at the same place- after all this time.  Its funny cause they always made me feel inadequate back in the day, but at this point in my life....no one can  NO longer make me feel that way.  I know deep inside Im the truest friend she's ever had....cause she told me that.  I guess thats why it hurts me so much that shes never included me in things with  mutual  friends. I actually thought the mutual  friends didnt like me..only to find out that it was her alienating me from them cause she wanted me all to herself.  Just a friend on call, almost like her personal therapist. 

Im worth soooo much more than this mess family, but for some reason NOT to her and thats what makes me feel like I need to distance myself from her.

Its funny cause people want real friends, but when they have one they dont how to treat them. 

Thanks for your time and honest opinion in this matter !

You probably don't wanna take advice from me.  I've been known to cut people off without a backwards glance in a heartbeat.  Its sad to say that I don't really have any 'old' friends.  The closest people to me are the ones I met during travel nursing-so in the last 8 yrs.  Unfortunately they all stayed in the beautiful warm places while I returned home to be close to family.

All I can say is I don't have the time nor the energy for toxic/negative people in my life.  If all you bring is drama and strife-I don't need ya!

By the way, I love your new avi-you're so pretty!

Awww thanks Michelle 

I dont have any new friends like this thankfully...but I hold a special place in my heart with my old friends....its that loyalty thing with me.   Once a friend always one...or so I thought.

But her recent actions basically has shown me that she aint changed a bit....and sadly probably never will.  I think your right....I need to cut the ties before  I say or do something that wont be nice.  

Thanks for the advice...I sooooo feel ya 

Please.  I'll cut a mofo out in a heartbeat and look at em DEAD in the face like 'Who is you?'

If you even have to post this on here to ask about it - you already know to cut em.  No 'see ya next lifetime' no 'holla back' just DONE.

I am all about clearing dead wood from the sea before I sail!! 

I hear you Mack...I was trying to give her the benefit of the doubt.

I actually found her when I got back to the city...she cried talking about how much she missed me so on  & so fourth.  Yet she hasnt even invited me to her house.  But the guy I hooked her up with practically moved in from day one.  If it was good enough for him, why not me

My conscience is clear....I was as good of a friend as she'll ever get.

I deserve more and thats what I will tell her IF she calls me from this point on out. 

 

Chile - lemme tell you about a process I live by - I review mofos in my life if at LEAST once a year, but try to more often than that to sort through and determine the TRUE value of someone in my life.  If they aren't adding and things are not affecting me one way or the other - I give them another review period to show thier worth.

Any detractors - get cut immediately.
those that are adding - get their contributions reassessed periodically - the first sign of detracting from positivity - GOTTA GO.

and ANY mofo that takes up my energy without providing serious and consistence SUBSTANCE to my life - BABY BYE!!!!

Life is too short to spend wondering why a mofo ain't doing what you want/need them to do - they either are or they are not, they will NEVER change - so it's your decision to offload them or keep packin they heavy, tired, detracting-from-your-life AZZ around!!!!!  LOL 

 

Morning Mack,

You raise a good point...I havent really taken evalution of people but I think I might have to start doing it. 

I hold people so close because I have very few people in my life. But now is as good of a time as ever to start weening out the folks that dont mean me any good.

I just dont get why Im good enough to lift her spirits when shes  down...but NOT good enough to hang with when you go out.  Im alot of fun...but she wouldnt even know that. 

All I get is her miserable side.....which in turns makes me feel down.

Ive spent my last 2 -3 hour conversation trying to lift her spirits.....I truly have.

Thanks so much for the advice...Im bout to call homegirl and give her something to think about for a long, long time. 

There's a saying that everyone in your life is there for a reason and a season - and I believe that - but I ALSO believe some mofos are there because YOU left the gate open and the bloodsucking, mooching azz, ignant sonsabiotches ain't gonna leave on their own accord, so you have to break out the shotgun and exercise your private property rights to your life and tell em to GIT THA ***** OUT!!!!!!

Ummm - perhaps that's why I don't have many close friends?    but the ones I got are DIE HARD and know I am too! 

Hey Pretty Plum,

If you truly value the person....and want to see a change in the relationship,  I think that you might want to at  least let her know how you feel. I mean you two have known each other a long time. Yes, it does seem to me that the relationship is negative/toxic and you will more than likely need to cut it...but I think that it does take two to make the relationship what it is. Most of us have enabled people to just treat us any old way. I am only speaking if I were in your shoes (dont make me right) but I would tell her how I feel...so that she knows why the relationship is estranged...and can then own her own stuff...and not try to make it out to be your issue.

It just might be that she has been doing you a favor all these years....because I have a feeling...the so called other friends are probably wishing she would call someone else to go out with, hang at her house with etc etc. I tend to think that negative people are that way in all realms of their life.  Whatever you decide....just make sure that you are OK with the decision. You are right...you are worth so much more. Surround yourself with positive people...who value you and your time.