Relationships Post-WLS
Pre-Op I never had a problem getting men but I did have trust issues and difficulty maintaining a serious relationship. Truthfully, I only had 3 meaningful and long term relationships...ever. Fast forward...I had WLS in November 2005 and after hitting 6 months post-op and losing over 100 pounds...I went NUTZ...LITERALLY 
I mean I *thought* I had it going on before but then suddenlly...a whole new market of men became available to me
...and I really enjoyed it...REALLY ENJOYED IT 
I have read many similar stories so I know my story is not original...men and women post-ops alike!
So, fast forward to now...almost 4 years have passed. I'm single, never been married, and have safe responsible sex. Up until this point I did NOT want a relationship...have let many a men go as SOON as they start to show signs of feelings and getting too close. The way I figure it...I have my children (now grown and out the house WOO HOO), I have my education (and still continuing it), I have my career, I own my home, I have my own...ya know. I liked having the convenience of a sexual relationship without having the headache of a real relationship
Not saying it's right but it worked out well for me...
What is the problem? I'm just beginning to wonder what my issue is...I've been *told* I have commitment issues...I don't think so...I just don't think I was *ready* and was honest and straight forward from JUMP with anyone that I dealt with at any given time. Now...I'm getting a lil...just a lil DAMMIT...older and I just want to be sure that I'm always being the best me I can be. Maybe I do have issues...ok we ALL have issues....but I mean relationship issues and fear of commitment. I don't know...I have seen and known so many post-op WLS peeps that get divorced and have relationship issues...I guess I just wanted to avoid the DRAMA and not get into anything unless I was ready.
I'm taking some time out and clearing my head & my heart...but I wanted to discuss this with folks that perhaps may be dealing with it or have dealt with it already. What say you???
I mean I *thought* I had it going on before but then suddenlly...a whole new market of men became available to me...and I really enjoyed it...REALLY ENJOYED IT I have read many similar stories so I know my story is not original...men and women post-ops alike! So, fast forward to now...almost 4 years have passed. I'm single, never been married, and have safe responsible sex. Up until this point I did NOT want a relationship...have let many a men go as SOON as they start to show signs of feelings and getting too close. The way I figure it...I have my children (now grown and out the house WOO HOO), I have my education (and still continuing it), I have my career, I own my home, I have my own...ya know. I liked having the convenience of a sexual relationship without having the headache of a real relationship
Not saying it's right but it worked out well for me...What is the problem? I'm just beginning to wonder what my issue is...I've been *told* I have commitment issues...I don't think so...I just don't think I was *ready* and was honest and straight forward from JUMP with anyone that I dealt with at any given time. Now...I'm getting a lil...just a lil DAMMIT...older and I just want to be sure that I'm always being the best me I can be. Maybe I do have issues...ok we ALL have issues....but I mean relationship issues and fear of commitment. I don't know...I have seen and known so many post-op WLS peeps that get divorced and have relationship issues...I guess I just wanted to avoid the DRAMA and not get into anything unless I was ready.
I'm taking some time out and clearing my head & my heart...but I wanted to discuss this with folks that perhaps may be dealing with it or have dealt with it already. What say you???
~Sexy YaYa~
@ I liked having the convenience of a sexual relationship without having the headache of a real relationship Not syaing it's right but it worked out well for me...Hey! You've been reading my journal again without my knowledge? Oh man...
Seriously though, a relationship can be a beautiful thing but I've seen many a playa such as yourself (not necessarily a bad thing here) fall into this 'funk' and end up destroying hearts (not just breaking them) when they get to this point in their lives.
Tread lightly.
Thank you for your honest input...and I have had my heart broken before and it's not something I want to ever do to anyone else! So....that's why I've always been honest. The crazy thing is this...men that hear a woman say they don't want a relationship somehow seem to think that they're lying and secretly they really do WTF....UMM NO I MEAN WHAT I SAY AMD SAY WHAT I MEAN 
Perhaps if I met the one for me I would turn that card in...but so far, it ain't happened...yet...anything is possible in life
Perhaps if I met the one for me I would turn that card in...but so far, it ain't happened...yet...anything is possible in life
~Sexy YaYa~
The way I see it:
As a Playa, you're like a well-trained soldier who's now an expert in his/her job on the battlefield. Your mission has always been get in; get out, while your opposition's mission may have always been capture the flag (sex or your heart) and return it to base. During a battle you can execute and terminate by the code and won't stray from it as not to create any other minor skirmishes or distractions that you don't have the resources to deal with.
Now, when a peace treaty (a real relationship) comes along, those old soldier skillz, tactics, methods, ways, and techniques tend to only get suppressed but not put away. Pretty soon, due to your years of training, you're feeling like a soldier without a war. That old itch comes back. During your peace treaty arguments you begin yearning for the days when you could just go out and "do your thing" and return. That's when the hearts start to get destroyed.
Real talk.
As a Playa, you're like a well-trained soldier who's now an expert in his/her job on the battlefield. Your mission has always been get in; get out, while your opposition's mission may have always been capture the flag (sex or your heart) and return it to base. During a battle you can execute and terminate by the code and won't stray from it as not to create any other minor skirmishes or distractions that you don't have the resources to deal with.
Now, when a peace treaty (a real relationship) comes along, those old soldier skillz, tactics, methods, ways, and techniques tend to only get suppressed but not put away. Pretty soon, due to your years of training, you're feeling like a soldier without a war. That old itch comes back. During your peace treaty arguments you begin yearning for the days when you could just go out and "do your thing" and return. That's when the hearts start to get destroyed.
Real talk.
(deactivated member)
on 7/29/09 2:38 am - syracuse, NY
on 7/29/09 2:38 am - syracuse, NY
Ayy you really have a way with words....making a sister all week in the knees and stuff lol
lol 
I was so hoping you would respond Mack...thank you.
I have been doing a lot of soul searching lately and I'm a FIRM believer in therapy. Perhaps I have been a little in denial about this and why I am making the decisions I've been making up until this point. I'm not perfect...by far
...BUT I do know I bring a lof to the table and expect to get the same in return from a man....esp if he's relationship potential! My girls are CONSTANTLY giving me a hard time about this and the men I dispose of with ease...they just shake their heads at me 
I 've done so many damn thing assbackwards and mariage is NOT going to be one of them things! I'm single by choice not by chance...I do want to be married one day and only one time! This is harder to figure out than I first thought...but at this point in my life...it's much needed. I guess I gotta grow up some time huh
Thank Mack...I can always count on you for an honest and thoughtful reponse and that means a great deal to me
I have been doing a lot of soul searching lately and I'm a FIRM believer in therapy. Perhaps I have been a little in denial about this and why I am making the decisions I've been making up until this point. I'm not perfect...by far
...BUT I do know I bring a lof to the table and expect to get the same in return from a man....esp if he's relationship potential! My girls are CONSTANTLY giving me a hard time about this and the men I dispose of with ease...they just shake their heads at me I 've done so many damn thing assbackwards and mariage is NOT going to be one of them things! I'm single by choice not by chance...I do want to be married one day and only one time! This is harder to figure out than I first thought...but at this point in my life...it's much needed. I guess I gotta grow up some time huh
Thank Mack...I can always count on you for an honest and thoughtful reponse and that means a great deal to me
~Sexy YaYa~
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