Will I ever stop seeing the "FAT GIRL" in the mirror!!!

Okay, I went from a size 28 to 12, from 315 at my largest to 171 pounds now, from XXL shirts to a medium! I'm not crazy, I know that I have lost weight. I'm saying, before I couldn't wear sunglasses because my head was so big they hurt my temples (no lie!) My shoe size even changed from a 12 wide to 10-11 regular depending on the make and model.

So tell me why I felt like I wasn't "thin" enough to attend my 25 year high school reunion this past Saturday! I didn't go! I still see the fat girl in the mirror! My eyes still go right to the imperfections!

I am so scared of the fat girl inside of me! What is wrong with me! I have been getting so many phone calls asking me why didn't I go and I have to exaggerate by saying I was still getting over the death of my nephew who died July 8!

PLEASE HELP ME! I can't even take a compliment about my size!
Teena!

get a picture of you at 315 and put it next to a pic of you at 171..then and only then will you really see the difference..heck i was down to 118 and unless i was looking at a pic i couldnt see it..or look at a pic of you and one of your what you would call skinny friends..someone who is in a 12 and see if you can see the difference..i just was with someone that had surgery and we both wear the same size and she asked how much i weighed or what size i was in and we were in the same size and she said "oh i thought you were way smaller then me"..the crazy thing is i was thinking the same thing about her..that she was way smaller then me..but in actuality we were the same size...and i'm 5 years out..

Thanks for the input! I have done the side by side picture thing, and it is always BUT..........! You know, I'm like, I am smaller, BUT..........! I do feel different, BUT.......!  I don't breath as hard, BUT.......! People do say that I look like my daughters sister and not her Mom, BUT......! There is always a BUT!

I'm hopeless I guess! Or just scared that if I let my guard down there will be a BIG BOOTIE not just a BUT!!
Take care,
Teena

first let me say that you have done an awesome job 28 to 12 thats outstanding !!  it does take some time for the mind to catch up.

Thanks for the compliment. It has been 3 years for me. Is my mind ever gonna catch up?
Teena

For some reason I think we all go through this. I still think I'm a little bigger than normal. But when I tell people that I need to lose 10- 15 pounds they tell me that I'm gonna blow away and I don't see it. Yes I can tell in my picture and there is surely a big difference and even in my clothes. I will be 3 years out in Oct09 and I am still having these issues. But don't become a hermit and stay in he house I would have been at that class reunion with bells on showing off my size 12. Teena from a 28 to a size 12 you have done an awesome job.

Brenda

Thank you so much Brenda! I just want to see the day when I am really okay with myself, and truly like what I see in the mirror. Weight has never been a problem with me growing up I was about a size 9-10 (back in those days you used two numbers, now it is just one! LOL) But I was just normal to me it wasn't a big deal, I mean I was the biggest of us girls, they were a size 5-6 and 7-8, but I never felt big! Now I can't even walk past a store window without thinking, "girl you got more work to do!" It's also the haters saying things like, "you look nice but your arms are still flabby!" (That's what my sister who by the way is a size 4 said!)
Teena

For me the answer is NOPE!!!  I still see the "fat girl" in the mirror. Granted I do know that I a no where near the size I was pre-WLS, but I just can't seem to shake it.,  The other day, I saw a plus size women, very attractive, looks nice, keep her hair did (not that that matters, but any who)..  The first thing I said to myself is "we are about the same size"!!!  What the heck???  That lady clearly is in a size 20 and I am wearing 10's and some 12's!!! So has my mind caught up with my weight loss?  NOPE, not at all.

I tell folks that I want to lose 30-40 more pounds and of course, they are like WHY???  Well because I have not reached "my goal", and because I still feel "fat"...  I am tall and can "hide" my actual weight very well, but for me, it's about the #'s on the scale, not the size of the clothes....

I guess the moral of my story is "I need some serious counseling"....  LOL

So there is no hope for me? That is really what you are saying? Girl if you see a fat girl at size 10, I am DONE!!!! I told my friend that I wanted to lose 40 more pounds and she said where in your finger nails! She just doesn't see what I see!!!!!

When you get the counseling, hook a sista up! I know I need HELP!!!!!

Thanks for letting me know that "I am not alone" (Oh Michael..... I miss him! Am I the only one who loved me some Michael Jackson?)
Teena

Please don't take offense, but have you heard of Body Dysmorphic Disorder?

If not, read this.   Counseling/therapy may be in order:

Body dysmorphic disorder (BDD) (previously known as Dysmorphophobia^[1] and sometimes referred to as Body dysmorphia or Dysmorphic syndrome^[2]) is a psychological disorder in which the affected person is excessively concerned and preoccupied by a perceived defect in his or her physical features.

The sufferer may complain of several specific features or a single feature, or a vague feature or general appearance, causing psychological distress that impairs occupational and/or social functioning, sometimes to the point of severe depression, severe anxiety, development of other anxiety disorders, social withdrawal or complete social isolation, and more.^[3] It is estimated that 1–2% of the world's population meet all the diagnostic criteria for BDD.

BDD combines obsessive and compulsive aspects, linking it, among psychologists, to the obsessive–compulsive spectrum disorders. The exact cause or causes of BDD differ from person to person, however but most clinicians believe it could be a combination of biological, psychological and environmental factors from their past or present. Abuse can also be a contributing factor.

Onset of symptoms generally occurs in adolescence or early adulthood, where most personal criticism of ones own appearance usually begins. Although cases of BDD onset in children and older adults is not unknown. BDD is often misunderstood to affect mostly women, but research shows that it affects men and women equally.

The disorder is linked to significantly diminished quality of life and co-morbid major depressive disorder and social phobia. With a completed-suicide rate more than double than that of major depression, and a suicidal ideation rate of around 80%, BDD is considered a major risk factor for suicide.

A person with the disorder may be treated with psychotherapy, medication, or both. Research has shown cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) and selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) to be effective in treating BDD. BDD is a chronic illness and symptoms are likely to persist, or worsen, if left untreated.