My sista.... why you so MEAN?

I read an interesting article in Essence this weekend - about how we sistas don't bond and how we are always competing or tearing each other up.  I have to admit, reading it I really could see how we aren't all that nice to each other - any time I go into a room of sistas I don't know, I put my 'dukes' up and get ready for battle - I go into it assuming that somebody is going to say something crazy, look at me funny or do something unfriendly. 

After reading it, I actually made a conscious effort to smile at my fellow sistas while I am out - even struck up a convo at the airport with one - and it was refreshing, actually.  It never occured to me that I purposefully shut em out and first assume the worst. 

So - it got me to wondering, why exactly is that?  What is it in Black women that makes us so sucessful and strong but so 'silo-ed' that we don't reach across the table to a sister we don't already have a bond with and create one?  Why is it that you have to know somebody that knows that person before you 'let' them in?  Granted - I have had plenty of times when I have been dogged, hurt or done wrong - we all have that - but a singular experience can't be indicative of the whole. 

So - here's the question - do you feel the sista alienation and are you will to reach out, reach over and overcome it?

Uh... Teacher, I'm not a sista but I have an opinion on this one. 

The answer in a nutshell, IMHO, is "Baggage."  Sistas tend to not want to get in good with another sista so readily because they don't want to ultimately be the topic of conversation at some other beauty salon or in another coffee clutch elsewhere and have all of their business out there.  It's bad/sad enough that some other so-called friend has already done this to them a time or two and y'all probably figure it's best to stop any new fake-azz friendships from forming from the door.


Now before y'all chase me outta here I'll just hit the pavement running.  Peace!

LOL - it's all good! 

I feel you on the answer tho - I personally haven't really ever had a female friendship that lasts very long - I have about a 4 year running track record.

I think I fall somewhere on the side of sister hood. Now I can be catty as a mug lol but all in all I like to see other sistas doing well, looking good, and strutting with confidence. I'm quick to tell someone that they are wearing the hell outta that dress or truly be happy for my girl that bought her first house. If I see someone doing thier thang instead of pullin them down I'd rather find out how they went from A to B so maybe I can get to B too......if that makes sense lol.

so what's up with the catty thing - do you do that to sistas you know or don't know?  just curious.

I said that especially thinking back to a recent episode. I tend to have catty relapses with people I already know. Most strangers I'm sweet as pie. When I went to N'awlins one of my girlfriends got on my LAST nerve the whole time so she brought it on outta me. But it was def a tit for tat. So I guess I'm catty/*****y when provoked lol

MM I walked into a room recently with my Hi everybody my name is Z,  the room held a few sistas and a mob of others.  The others welcomed  me and the sistas were stand offish.   Hey, I hung with the others.  I am too old to work a room for relationships.  I come with my arms open and welcome all.  If your arms are closed, in most instances I let them stay that way.  Personally I think most sistas have been raised to be cautious.  My mom was off the chain before there was a chain so I never knew I should watch my back or that people would be unkind to me for no reason.  Yes, I have been stabbed but I'm not dead yet.  So Yes I still reach out but I won't drag and pull you in.   To overcome it become secure enough to know that it doesn't hurt to be friendly.  Z

Hey Life:
I know what you mean...at one time I used to try and migrate to Sistas and Brothas in professional settings, just to come to realize that most times they refused to relate/associate with Me. It was/is strange that White men, then white women seem to value My professional skills and attitude more. Upon realizing this (over the years) I no longer look to Black people in professional settings to associate with, I just say, "come all that will." It is even stranger that I have also had Black women promoted and fought for raises for them but the very one's I helped turn their heads at Me rather than speak. But I never allow "this" whatever it is to stop Me from being fair and "evening the playing field" whenever I have a chance to.

I have also noticed that in work-place settings whites, Asians, and Latinos have NO problem congregating together as individual Ethnic Groups...whether at lunch, sitting in each other offices...I remember one Friday at My work-place we had a pot luck lunch for our department; everyone came in, were friendly and sat down in the large conference room where the food was and talked. I began to notice that as the Latinos came in (6 in the department) they were cordial, laughed, talked a while and then fixed their plates and went into one of their offices to eat (all 6 were in an office laughing and talking with each other like  so-what, this is natural.) I don't know if I was the only one recognized it but I thought to Myself, "Blacks would NEVER do that! AND if We did, SOMEBODY would say something about it or take offense." Maybe We/Blacks do not congregate more in the work-place or professional settings because WE are conscious of what other's think or that we do not want anyone to think We are not part of the team.

Relative to social settings>>>NOT crazy about being around whitey at all. I'm only around white folks out of Necessity on a social level, and I usually only associate socially with Black women who have similar values as Myself and don't get too much into bull****I have a very low tolerance for bull****pettiness/*****assness/eye rollin/mean spirited competition/put downs... I have found that a lot of Black Women do this stuff because of their own insecurities and failures, and some is for protection( I call it the "Black Woman Scowl"...that's to keep the cruel world away because for the most part no one else is going to protect or take up for her.)

 

I don't feel threatened by other women so I don't have a problem being friendly to them or acknowledging their beauty and accomplishments.  The other day I gave a sister a compliment about how pretty her complexion was and she told me that I had made her day.

Ditto what you said.....Another womans beauty doesn't take away my beauty, nor does another womans challenges change my beauty. I have met some physically beautiful women in my life and I compliment them on it.  I have also met women who would not compliment another women to save there life....which is really sad

I will speak, eat, and converse with just about anybody. However, my level of tolerence for hateful BS is zero. Hateful BS is anything or anybody that is different from you.

I appreciate a compliment from a sista. I also appreciate her input and humor. We have to find a way to celabrate for and with each other.