instilling racial pride in a child

BAF,
my son is 7 years old. We currently live in a neighborhood that is perdominatly white. He is very friendly and outgoing and has friends of all races. Today while they were playing outside i heard the children saying things that i did not like such as 'the bad guys have to be black and the white guys are good. (they were playing cops and robbers or something lik that. I have also heard them say things to the tune of that it's not really a big deal that Obama is president. My son doesn't really debate them (as far as I know) and i talk to him about being proud of who you are and we are collectvely...the kids that he plays with are ok, but the bottom line is.......i don't want him to buy into their way of thinking. The other day he was mad @ me and jokingly( i think) said he wanted to go live with them. I am really surprised at how easily swayed he seems to be especially because our family immediate and extended are very socially concious with regard to our heritage...he is an only child and i know he just wants friends to play with that live near us but dag....imma have to nip this in the BUD! or am i too worried....maybe it will work itself out for him on his own?????

Hey Free:
It's not going to be easy in this day and time because it is important that your son learns to be comfortable in both cultures for obvious reasons. My thoughts are that if you just instill a sense of self pride-self esteem in him as to who he is and where he comes from. When I was growing up, I remember My Mom always reading and usually about something or someone Black; I would pick up her books and try to read them Myself. Also, I never heard the word "*****" used in our household; it was not taboo, but it was just never used. I recall going fishing and a little white boy got angry with his brother and called him a "*****", I asked My Mom what that was and she said that's a "low class person" and that was that. So what I guess I am saying is that a lot of how your son sees himself is about how YOU see yourself...how You actually LIVE, the "talk" in the house or family, what and who You bring around him, what You believe is important. Also, seeing other Black men who are ACTUALLY doing something POSITIVE. Role models can not be people we just read about they have to be 4D>>>Real to us, people we can Touch, not just see...Oh and NEVER put down his Father in front of him or be negative about Black Men in front of him, point out positive qualities of certain Black Males. I hope you go places where your son can see productive Black people (Church, Social Groups, Volunteerism...)

It's interesting that the white kids know enough about political, social and cultural events that they down play Obama's Presidency (which in My opinion they are repeating their parents who are probably trying to say that "WE" as an American Culture are NOW past racism...that we all  have come over the "hump" and can get on with living on an equal playing field.) That's White Folk talk for, "We are tired of feeling guilty for Slavery, our hearts and minds are right...We are tired of trying to make up for past misdeeds, now "Can't we all just get along" cause this Life is tough for me too."

In the end, you have to evaluate why you chose the neighborhood you live in and whether the benefits outweigh the burdens (I imagine the Benefits far outweigh the negatives). This is the dilemma We, as African Americans face in getting out of run down neighborhoods with crime and bad schools, only to surround ourselves with people of other ethnicities in our NON-Working Life who may be a negative influence/even stressful on us and our familiy. I wish you the best because your job is hard living in that neighborhood but probably near impossible if you had chosen an inner city/crime ladden/bad school district just to TRY and prove that You are "Black". Just keep doing the Best job of rearing your child in the way YOU would have him to go, and the Best you can hope for and get is a Good, Decent, Caring, Loving, Strong, Giving, Happy, Healthy, Well Adjusted, Successful HUMAN BEING.

I had a similar issue with my oldest son who is now 13. Since we were in a predominately white area, he was usually the only child of color in his classes. The area has since mixed with many other cultures, races and nationalities.   When my son was in kindergarten (now 8^th grade), he came home looking sad. When I asked what was wrong he said “I want to be white". No words can describe how I felt as those words left his mouth. My eyes stared to water but I played it cool. I asked him why. He said “because white people run faster". I almost fell out in laughter but again held it in. I went on to tell him about all the great black athletes and then paused to asked what happened at school and he informed me that they had races at school that day and the kids who won the races were white. I asked how many blacks were racing and he said maybe 2-3. I explained the mathematical reasoning behind why the winners of the race were white.   After that incident I made it a mission to point the accomplishments of blacks and teach him about his culture.   I first attempted to take him to the inner city summer camps and other programs to be near people who I thought he could identify with. WRONG! It was almost as bad. My son was able to mingle with the kids but felt like an outsider. He spoke differently and could not relate to them as well as he related to the children in our neighborhood.   I began buying books by and about black people. I bought children’s books illustrated with black photos and about being proud of whom you are.   I make it a point to point out the positive things done by our people. I pause and rewind news reports on TV shows and will call him down to watch if I see something come across the TV related to blacks and issues affecting blacks. I also do it for things relating to kids being kidnapped and/or victimized to let him see that my lectures are not just to torture him but to show him that what I tell him is a reality.   I even have them watch ATM when the black contestants are still on and point out the different and wonderful features of each.   When he was younger, he was only attracted to other race of girls but when I went to his school and looked around, I understood why. The few black girls were not that cute. It was just what it was. Now there are a lot more people of color in the area and surprisingly his only 2 girlfriends (and I use that term loosely) were black. I decided to be happy no matter what race he chose but was very happy with his chose and made it known to him. He just says “mom why does it matter". My poor baby thinks I am some radical, black empowered fist pumping wanna be Black Panther. But that is not the case at all. I just want him to be ok being black and he is.   I could go on and on but I won’t. I just make it a point to constantly make him feel good about himself and his culture. It has also been an education for me. I grew up in a black area but was never really immersed into black history. Now, my kids and I learn together.   He is now a great athlete. He is comfortable with who he is. The majority of his friends are non black but I don’t think it’s by choice just the way the way things happened.

Thanks for your responses....i am not going to make MORE of an effort to dialouge with him daily. And yes i know these kids are just repeating their parents, i delt with that growing up in a similar cir****tance....i can no assume that he will 'know' simply through observation of his family and how we operate. I am going to have to basically immerse him in our history...and i really really need to teach him about SELF esteem.....no matter if you are around other races or even our own ( because that can have an interesting dynamic as well)  As i get better and do positive things for myself to change my life it can only in turn help him understand the power of confidence in SELF.
thanks again!

I wish you the very best. But remember this, something that many people do not "get" or understand, you can not teach self-esteem, nor attain it by saying platitudes or affirmations daily. One has to DO, in order to get confidence in self. When I say DO, I mean adventure in Life...no matter success or fail a well adjusted personality will gain confidence in themself. Example: The first time I climbed a tree alone, I was on the top of the world. When I taught Myself how to ride a bike by "stealing" my older brother's and taking off down a hill; or learning to play sports...Believe Me, I fell off that bike many times before I succeeded (and butt kikked by My Brother) but that didn't stop Me...What seems like small successes and/or failures when we are young help to develop not only who we are but give us self confidence and determination. And once a person has true self-esteem, it is pretty near impossible to lose or be shaken.

We are the only black family in our subdivision.....Kenn will be the only black in her room next year....Kerri has two blacks (she makes 3).....they sent the letters home...Kenn said, "I'm the only black in my class for next year!"

I know that has to bother my baby....but I tell her the quote moms always told me....now, I grew up in the hood.....I had several white friends in school....and are still really close to them today.....but my moms is a Jehovah's Witness.....so things were different for me....momma just said, "No one is better than you......(she let that linger in my head.....then humbled me)....but you are NOT better than anyone else!"

LAWD....that still keeps me humbled....but it also reminds me....no matter who you are....your status, your color....NOTHING....you are neither beneath me nor ABOVE me....I bow down to no one but GOD!

I instill the love of self in Kenn and Kerri....I take them into the city....let them see the lives their father and I lived.....how we want better chances for them.....let them see  our struggles....keep them humble.....

We let them KNOW RACISM.....we teach them about our history.....our culture....I read old literary works to them (okay, but my degree is English and I am an avid reader)....I watch old movie with them.....

I want them to know the PAST, the PRESENT and the future....

I hug them, I kiss them....tell them they are beautiful....build up their self-confidence...self-love....self-esteem.....teach them to embrace their hair (weave or not), their nose, their lips, their asse, and their asse!

I teach them to love their WHO....and how to stand up for it correctly!

Yes, they are already feeling the ****te out here....but I got a surprise for them all....we still here baby....and we ain't going nowhere!

I agree 100%...I belive exposure is the key. My son and  have talked this week and he seemed so grateful to be learning about the history of our ansestors-beyond his immediate family. He did'nt want to pay attention at first but was amazed that there were African Kings and queens; that his great great grandmother ( who he knows and is still living @ 102 years of age) -that HER grandma was a slave; that afican americans have contributed so much to America.... He wanted to know why he didn't learn anything like that in school..  but i could tell that he felt good about what i was showing ant telling him through books, and the internet...i am also encouraging him to talk to the elders in our family and ask THEM questions as well...( sometimes things carry more weight if its not only from mama's mouth !) I like the part that you stated about loving self. I want my child to be grounded and comfortable in his skin in ANY situation. Thanks again for your response!