My 13 Year Old son thinks he's gay

Hey RoRo,  
Dad got caught in 'sexual activity' when I was 15.  We lived in a VERY, very small VERY religious community, Dad moved away tot he big city and my Mom had a nervous breakdown. So I was left raising my siblings & runnin the household.
Years later, I got pregnant by a much older 'ex-con-thug' who was a beater/cheater.  I guess "premarital sex" carried much more weight than anything Pops had done?!?! 

Those were rough times but all is well & forgiven now. He's a wonderful Father & Grandfather.  Thank God!

That is crazy! But on the other hand now you see how a gay person feels when "church" folks treat us like their sins carry less weight...look at this post..words from folks that indulge in over eating acting like their shiot don't stank *smh*...I swear I can't wait for the truth to be exposed!

I suggest very strongly that you watch "Prayers for Bobby", it was on Life Time TV Station(Go to their webste an maybe you can see it online or order it). Do the follow-up relative to contacting people and reading the book Bobby's mother put out (not sure of the name).

Sounds to Me like YOU are judging and condemning your son before he even has a chance in Life. If you have done your job as a mother, meaning taught him right from wrong, given him a Spiritual base, Love him and taught him how to Love...so if you see this as a crisis, why not just LOVE him through it and YOU release YOUR comdemnation! If he is Gay, there is NOTHING YOU can do but Love him, IF YOU WILL. The type of person he turns out to be depends on what YOU as a mother instilled in him as a Human Being. His Values will have NOTHING to do with his Sexuality. Why won't you give him the benefit of your Love like you so called Religious people give hetros that you sit with in church who are commiting adultery, fornication, child abuse, wife abuse, pedophiles, murderers, thieves...

If YOU don't change, your son may end up like Bobby. Why don't You just Love your son through this; and if it is NOT a "phase", just LOVE him. His sexuality IS OUT of YOUR hands and NEVER was in Your hands, but his survival as a Human Being may very well be in Your hands.

ETA: The Porn problem has NOTHING to do with Sexuality; if your son is "becoming obsessed" with porn...well, read the stats...and remember Kirk Franklin has a pron problem also. Porn addiction is similar to any addiction (Alcohol, drugs, food, gambling...) get 12 Step help. There's a lot of help out here for Porn addiction, best he starts early.

well dayumm ValueMe...I can honestly say I never thought about who they sat with in church...that is sooo true, they can sit with the ones that cause the most hurt, pain, betrayal...but refuse to sit next to someone that is Gay...*smh* that is so sad

I dont expect us all to agree, I dont expect anyone to understand me and what I am going through because until youve walked in someones shoes you really have nothing to offer except a perception / opinion.

What I am taking away from this topic is the power of love and communication.  this is demonstrated in the Bible and Jesus' sacrifice.

Sorry, I can't respond to the so called Religious people statement...they aren't my concern (never have been and never will be).  But I hear you on your statement that is very true, and I'm sure if we all check ourselves we're somewhere in that group as well.  Thank God for Grace and Mercy.

I do not believe I said he was obsessed with porn, not sure what Kirk has to do with my baby but oh well.  Why would I need to remember him?  geez

Wow first let give you (((((((((((((((((big hugs))))))))))))))))) I know this is really to deal with

First let me say....being molested doesn't make a person gay..and you can't go looking for reasons as to WHY your son is gay...no matter what it will never make sense to you..you are in no way at fault for his "condition"

Secondly, like folks have pretty much told you ...It is HIS journey....try not to push him away in the name of your faith...I would also suggest not forcing your faith on him...IMO it sometimes makes the situation worse....it can make a person not feel good about who they are and can lead to dangerous behaviours....you hear the stories time and time again, and I am VERY concerned about his on-line activities..I almost lost my brother because he felt sooooo bad about who he was as a person....its okay to let your child know that you don't necessarily agree with his lifestyle "choice" but also let him know still love him all the same...

My dad upon finding out about my brother just said "I can't really be mad at him for being gay, that is my son, I still see a whole lotta me in him"....Now we both know our parents don't like our lifestyles (yes we are both gay, NO we weren't molested, I honestly believe I was born this way, but that is a whole notha topic)...when the gay conversations come up our parents DO let us know they are praying for us to be straight...lol I laugh because its been well over 20 years, and sorry to say we are both still very gay.

Maybe you should try looking into going to one of those support groups..hear from people that are having the same issues as you....they can give you better insight

I hope it all works out in the end...I really hope once your child opens up to you, that you will listen, listen with nothing but love in your heart

Sorry RoRo,

But being molested CAN make you gay & one time incident, is possible, but repeated abuse,definately!   Not only does our ministry deal with people who are dealing/have dealt with homosexuality, but I have people in my own family as well.   Children are the most vunerable & impressionable & are the most under attack by the enemy.  sexual abuse & incest warps a child's view of sex & even more so, if the abuse came from the same sex.  Overtime, the perversion becomes "normal" to them & they identify with homosexuality because these are the only sexual acts that they have known.  

I know a girl who was forced to perform oral sex on her female relatives for YEARS, starting at the age of 3 until she was 15.  Are you going to tell me that after that, she would have a healthy normal view of sex?   That girl was ruined right off the bat, would like to be heterosexual & tries to be, but she keeps going back to what's familiar.   I have relatives that were also abused for years by an outside same sex family member unbeknownst  to their parents for years.  They had both parents in the home raised in church & no one knew about the abuse until they were grown.    They are still struggling with this issue, bexause that's what they came to identify with.

Do you know there are men & women performing oral sex on BABIES!!    Before they have even gotten old enough to know anything about this world, their view on sexuality has allready been warped.  The sad thing is that most these babies will never know this & this is why they are struggling with their sexuality.

Now God  still delivers & sets free.  I know someone who came from a similar background  (she at one time, was a out & proud gay teenager)  however, she allowed God to deliver her & set free & she is married, with kids & loves her husband & is continuing to heal her from the hurt from the sexual abuse.

I know someone else who had lived in the homosexual lifestyle & was delivered & is now a happily married woman.

IMO, a good majority of people who are gay were not born that way,  a door was opened when they were sexually abused as infants, toddlers & children & that is manifesting in the lifestyle they are living.   

Of course she should continue to love her son, but as a Christian, she still has the responsibility to determine if this stems from abuse or not, as she is still the parent.

Gigilani:
Hate to tell you but being abused or molested does NOT make one's sexuality or orientation change. Self Identity, Orientation and Sexuality are  DIFFERENT Things! Have you not seen the interview with the Preacher from Denver (forgot his name) who IS homosexual but Does NOT Identify himself as a homosexual or the Down Low males who say that they are just having SEX with other males BUT that they are STRAIGHT. Do you also know that you can TRAIN a DOG to **** out-doors? Do You know that Straight people commit homosexual Sex acts for Money or Not? Do You know that Behaviorists can train animals and human being to starve themselves to death with food and water only 2 feet away (and neither are locked up?) Do you know that some things that a person do, does NOT makes them the equivalent of the act? Do YOU know why sooo many of Us (in here) are/were Obese and even AFTER DRAMATIC/Life Threatening Surgery Still find it difficult to maintain our weight loss?>>>Because of BAD Eating and Exercise Habits Developed as a Child within our Familie (Family Curse if there is ever one). Do You actually believe that just because someone is trained to perform acts (and that behavior is not later modified) or does acts out of necessity or because of threat they become the Act. You better talk to some prision brothas. Do You know...forget it...YOU Clearly Don't.

Can you DEFINE homosexual? I will give it a "shot" but don't write it in stone: A homosexual is a Human Being, created By GOD and endowed with the same human rights as hetrosexuals, with the same priviledges to be happy or unhappy as any human creature. A homosexual  is no different in the ability to Love, Hate, Laugh, Cry, Hurt or Be Hurt as any other Human Creature. A Homosexual Identifies Themself  Internally(Openly or Privately) as Homosexual, Has sex with the Same Sex exclusively after a period of awakening/awareness of their sexual desire, accepts their SEX (Male or Female with no desire to change it-OTHERWISE they would be TransGender). So a Homosexual is a Human Being, Blessed By GOD who Self Identifies As, Practices Sexual Acts Exclusively With and Desires/Loves/Longs For the SAME SEX>>> SELF Identity-Orientation/Practice/Desire-Eros.

I have to say this, YOU are one of the more IGNORANT Persons I have run across in a LONGGGGG time>>>And You speak so brazenly. Like they say, "It ain't what YOU DON'T Know that Bothers Me...It's what YOU Do know...CAUSE IT JUST AIN'T SO! NOW I Understand why there are sooo many problems in the "Church", for clearly, YOU are a prime example of someone with an INABILITY to REASON well.

Well I'm glad to make your acquaintance.    Obviously I have hit a nerve with you and  yes, I am brazen enough to say my piece & speak truths, that you are obviously not willing to admit or accept.   Why are you so offended that I said that not every gay person is born that way.  If you don't believe that, then you are in deep denial and are the one that can't be reasoned with.


First of all, did I say this pertained to every gay person & secondly, how can you equate the psyche of a grown tail man in prison who's being repeatedly raped to a repeated rape & it's effects on the psyche of a child?  

I am talking about the impact of sexual abuse & incest on CHILDREN.  The original self identity of a child is completely warped & over  time, the unnatural becomes normal to them & they start to identify with it, as that's all they know (this is a warped example of "train up a child in the way he should go & when he is old he will not depart from it).  

Those who have dealt with same sex abusers, may  completely identify with the gay lifestyle  as adults or they may identify as straight, but generally struggle with homosexual issues.  Case in point Ted Haggard (thank you for providing me an argument for my case!)   As he stated he was abused as a child & yes, he does not consider himself homosexual, but he is struggling with homosexual tendencies because of the abuse he suffered as a child http://www.kvbc.com/Global/story.asp?S=9343829.

You can try to diss me all you want, but as the bible says, "my people are destroyed for lack of knowledge"  and hopefully MY information has made some light bulbs go off for some people. 
 

Hold up so what you are basically saying is if I had been molested for years by a Man...I would have warped my sexuality into thinking being with a Man is normal??

Dang I couldn't even look to the church to take my "straight" feelings away *smh*