Family Drama - Long....
Y'all, yesterday was a drama filled day for my family!!! I'll try to make this as short a possible...
~~Names has been changed to protect the young/dumb/plain ol' ignorant~~
Past: Over 20 years ago, my older brother (Mark) lived in NJ for several years with girlfriend Jane. They broke up. Mark moved back to IL and reunited with his ex wife. Shortly after he left, my Moms received a letter and a picture from Jane telling her that she has a baby granddaughter. Moms confronted Mark and he told her that was a picture of Janes niece...she just wanted to get back with my brother. The topic never came up again.
Present: Moms received a phone call from Jane yesterday. Haven't heard from her in 20 years. She wanted her to talk to someone. Turns out the baby in the picture is now 20 yo and is indeed my brother's child. We talked to the newly found niece (April) , MySpaced with her, Facebooked and emailed pictures last evening. We were told that my brother has provided financial support and such but she wanted to know her father's family.
My Moms confronted my brother and he admitted that she is his daughter. He chose to keep her hidden because "So much was going on"....yeah, whateva
Future: She is planning a visit for August. I'm so anxious to get to know her. I don't think his latest wife (he has since remarried) of 13 years is aware of April. The schiott is going to hit the fan!
You see, I come from a very, very close family and I'm embarrassed that my brother could do this to one of his own. My family feels that he did this because he was not married to her....he was 34 at the time. Yeah, my folks are old school and would have talked about my brother for not marrying her mother. That is absolutely no excuse and I just can't accept that. He may argue that he took care of her (confirmed by Jane) but what the heck??? We were robbed of 20 years of the life of a young lady.
I'm also curious as to why it took so long for this girl to look for my parents?????
Wooosssaaahhhhhh.....I just had to get that out.
~~Names has been changed to protect the young/dumb/plain ol' ignorant~~
Past: Over 20 years ago, my older brother (Mark) lived in NJ for several years with girlfriend Jane. They broke up. Mark moved back to IL and reunited with his ex wife. Shortly after he left, my Moms received a letter and a picture from Jane telling her that she has a baby granddaughter. Moms confronted Mark and he told her that was a picture of Janes niece...she just wanted to get back with my brother. The topic never came up again.
Present: Moms received a phone call from Jane yesterday. Haven't heard from her in 20 years. She wanted her to talk to someone. Turns out the baby in the picture is now 20 yo and is indeed my brother's child. We talked to the newly found niece (April) , MySpaced with her, Facebooked and emailed pictures last evening. We were told that my brother has provided financial support and such but she wanted to know her father's family.
My Moms confronted my brother and he admitted that she is his daughter. He chose to keep her hidden because "So much was going on"....yeah, whateva
Future: She is planning a visit for August. I'm so anxious to get to know her. I don't think his latest wife (he has since remarried) of 13 years is aware of April. The schiott is going to hit the fan!
You see, I come from a very, very close family and I'm embarrassed that my brother could do this to one of his own. My family feels that he did this because he was not married to her....he was 34 at the time. Yeah, my folks are old school and would have talked about my brother for not marrying her mother. That is absolutely no excuse and I just can't accept that. He may argue that he took care of her (confirmed by Jane) but what the heck??? We were robbed of 20 years of the life of a young lady.
I'm also curious as to why it took so long for this girl to look for my parents?????
Wooosssaaahhhhhh.....I just had to get that out.
**Weight loss since June 08**
It's not funny, but I gotta laugh, cause it's so BAFish. Drama before a get together. In regards to why it took so long, just a few ideas based on my experience.
I knew my dad was not my biological dad. I would never look for bio cause I would not want my dad to feel like he wasn't enough---plus I was so young I didn't care. I say all that to say that perhaps there was a man in her life playing the father roll and/or she's just now coming to realize that she does want a relationship or has some curiosities.
I knew my dad was not my biological dad. I would never look for bio cause I would not want my dad to feel like he wasn't enough---plus I was so young I didn't care. I say all that to say that perhaps there was a man in her life playing the father roll and/or she's just now coming to realize that she does want a relationship or has some curiosities.
It is never too late to be what you might have been
~George Eliot
I agree usually there is someone elses filling that void. I am sure the real father was aware. As far as the wife of 13 years she may have known. Dont mean no harm most women missed money and wonder where it is going. Now there is a positive and can be a negative to situations like this. She could just want to know where she come from (her family) hey it seems like there are loving grandparents and auntie (smile) you didnt mention if there are siblings. However hopefully she was raised well and with plenty of respect for herself and others. She is twenty with her own mind and personality and to be frank hopefully shes not full of it.
WLS 1/19/07
preop/current/drgoal/mygoal/ideal wt
320/240
/220/180/155
(deactivated member)
on 6/25/09 12:42 am - syracuse, NY
on 6/25/09 12:42 am - syracuse, NY
If your brother didnt tell you guys the full truth maybe he didnt tell baby girl the truth either.....when you a little kid you just kinda go with the flow and believe what you are told........ on a side note his current wife is going to look just like ol' girl in your icon .....she doing the oh hell no nod
Hey thurr,
this EXACT scenario played out with my parents back when I was 13 and my new sister was 20
. My late Father had a Daughter (who looks just like him) that NO ONE knew about including my Mother. His grand excuse was that he didn't think that my Mother would marry him if she had known, hell my Mother had a son when they got married so that excuse didn't fly and yes the shyt did hit the fan.
In regards to my sister, she waited until she was grown to come and meet us because she had a Stepfather and didn't want to step on his toes so to speak. My sisters coming to meet us was not for the benefit of my Father. They never did establish a great relationship, she simply just wanted to know her family and we are still very close to this day.
But in the case of your Neice April, I am wondering if your Parents contacted Jane after she initially informed your Mother that April was her Granddaughter? Jane and April may not be aware of what Mark told your Mother after the initial questioning.
this EXACT scenario played out with my parents back when I was 13 and my new sister was 20
. My late Father had a Daughter (who looks just like him) that NO ONE knew about including my Mother. His grand excuse was that he didn't think that my Mother would marry him if she had known, hell my Mother had a son when they got married so that excuse didn't fly and yes the shyt did hit the fan.In regards to my sister, she waited until she was grown to come and meet us because she had a Stepfather and didn't want to step on his toes so to speak. My sisters coming to meet us was not for the benefit of my Father. They never did establish a great relationship, she simply just wanted to know her family and we are still very close to this day.
But in the case of your Neice April, I am wondering if your Parents contacted Jane after she initially informed your Mother that April was her Granddaughter? Jane and April may not be aware of what Mark told your Mother after the initial questioning.
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I would assume that the girl was afraid to contact your family. Now the mom is another story... she should have contacted you and let you know what's going on. Why would she call once and say you have a grandbaby and never call again? Do you think no contact could have been apart of your brother agreeing to pay child support? I know a man who did that... He went on to get married and didn't tell his wife then bam... when he stopped the secret child support the mom made her presence known. His wife nearly had a nervous breakdown because she started wondering what else he was hiding.
I recently discovered although long suspected that my son's father had another child, also a boy besides my son and his older brother who will be 15 this year. Said other child has now been confirmed, lives in Seattle and is 17.
The mother/child didn't pursue anything (relationship-wise) for all these years because they "had already been shot down once." (same type of situation.)
Just enjoy your time with her and let her know that all of you aren't ********no offense to you as your brother but monetary support does not a parent make.
The mother/child didn't pursue anything (relationship-wise) for all these years because they "had already been shot down once." (same type of situation.)
Just enjoy your time with her and let her know that all of you aren't ********no offense to you as your brother but monetary support does not a parent make.
Just enjoy April when she comes down because like everyone else has said you don't know what she was told about her father from her mother. Heck she may get there and bond with you and the rest of the family and say the he** with her bio-dad. Because if it took him 20 years to reconize that he is a dad that his gotd*** lose for lying.
As for her mother, she probably figured after contacting your mother and not hearing anything back, figured your family didn't want to have anything to do with April. So she didn't force the issue until now. But then again April must have questioned her mom. You will find out soon. But enjoy her company.
Brenda
As for her mother, she probably figured after contacting your mother and not hearing anything back, figured your family didn't want to have anything to do with April. So she didn't force the issue until now. But then again April must have questioned her mom. You will find out soon. But enjoy her company.
Brenda
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