a WOW moment ...but in a bad way.

My epiphany was a few days ago.  A little different and way crazy. 

I've always looked good even at my biggest.  Well toned (I have always worked out.), well dressed, forever complimented by my peers.  Nobody image issues, fat but never flabby or sloppy.  Wore swimsuits, shorts, and a firm believer style is for any body.  I was fat and glad.  Appearance did not drive my wls decision. 

Well this weekend, 40+ lbs down from surgery, 50+ lbs down from pre op, nearly 100 lbs down from my highest and I look like a fat slob.  To me.  

I caught a glimpse in the mirror and spontaneously thought my God what a pig!  I've read about the mind not catching up with the changed body after wl.  Still feeling fat when you're really thin, etc.  However, I've never felt fat even pushing 300 lbs (Yeah I know I was, but I just didn't feel that way.). 

Why now, when I'm at a 20 year low, size 12, good aerobic condition, good muscle tone, 35 lbs from goal weight, 50 lbs from a normal bmi, do I see someone big as a whale in the mirror? I don't want to look at old pics now.  How bad did I really look then?  Was the positive attention I've always gotten just a hoax? 

I stripped down to my skivvies while typing this just to check (Its ok folks, I'm at home.).  The pig is still there in the mirror looking as piggly as ever.  Many veterans of wls will tell you more of this journey is in your head than on the scale.  Dear God they are so right. 

Thanks for posting this question.  I would never have otherwise acknowledged this.  The BAF family and my OH friends have forced me to be honest with myself, again. 

You are about to go through some changes for real.  Hang in there, because this is just one of many.  You will definitely start seeing yourself in a new light (sometimes good and sometimes not so good) every step of the way. 

The good thing is that you are already aware of it and as the changes show up, you will be more able to handle them in stride.  And remember you are not alone.  There is someone here that understands what you are talking about and feeling and will give you some support. 

Hey Big Serious...Plum here 

Pics dont lie....and neither does all the feelings associated with morbid obesity.  I had a flashback when I looked over my before pics recently  and was literally sick on my stomach. 

But your time is fastly approaching......dont dwell on where you are.....just  DREAM about where your going.      And thank GOD for the blessing you are about to receive. 


Wishing you ALL  things good

thanks for all of the support. I was told that this was going to be a crazy ride. I see that i have to put my seat belt on...lol

Mayn - don't sweat it - you're on the road to change.

Heck YEA I looked at the big heffa pics I got (they are still on my page) and to this DAY cannot believe I let that ish happen!!!!

I will NEVER go BACK!!!! and neither will you!!! 

We all have that moment when at some point before WLS saw a picture or looking in the mirror and said WatDaF*#*!!! I know I did. But once you have the surgery you whole mind set changes. The first month in a half you put on some of your big daddy (for me big momma) clothes and they are too big you say too youself "YOU GO BOY"!!! Before long you will be on the loser bench with the rest of us.Good luck keep us posted.

Brenda

((((( Big serious ))))......my moment came after I had reached goal....I was walking by a shinny truck and caught my image on the truck .....the image was distorted kind of like the fun mirrors you'd find at a carnival....well anyway the reflection made it look like I was heavy again....messed with me the rest of the week....was praying dear God it's me Taye Taye here...please dont let me wake up and find that the weight loss was all a dream