NOTHING is as real as the photo Trail!!!
New post ops & pre ops, I guess this message is for you moreso than anyone else. Oh, "long post" warning to 
Our minds are WEIRD animals. After a while it adapts to whatever it perceives as the "norm". I vaguely have memories of how it actually FEELS to live in a morbidly obese body...I just know that I once did.
I can't speak to sweating for no reason, dusting powder in creases, pulling the seat belt way waaaaaaaaaaay out when I get in the car...none of that. My habits & cognition revolve around me in the present.
Fortunately, when I joined OH (back when it was still emerging from AMOS) in 2002 there were people who were 3+ years post op when I was still preOp and they always said "I don't remember being fat". At the time I was thinking "WHAT the F**K you mean you DON'T remember being fat??" Really, it's true - you literally forget. Not intentionally, but once you don't have to live it every single day...why would it stay at the front of your mind?? I have notes...I kept 2 - 2001 Walmart shopping receipts. I don't even shop for the same things. Baby powder? I have not one crease to put it in, deodorant...went from funk warrior Degree to "umma out on a lil something" weak Suave, I can't stand cold cuts anymore because my tastes changed, if you can't me in McDonalds or Wendy's or any of them I hope you're prayed up beause Jesus is coming back - I can no longer stand the smell of it, I don't buy snacks...I bake cookies on the rare occasion that I want them, bags of chips go stale in my house because everyone here now eats the way I do, I can't eat anything too sweet because my tastebuds are still very sensitive so Apple Jacks came off the list (although I crave them about once a year). It's wild because not only am I not fat, I don't operate within the "fat people's habits" that I apparently once had. I buy fresh fruit, fish & sea food, different poultry, lean beef, cook with herbs & spices (yea, I still got my Lawry's), make salads, snack on pecans & dried fruit, still love cake & pie but I found joy in baking them and trying new flavors (mine beat the hell out of paying $8.99 in the grocery store for a ready made cake...the list of changes go on & on & on but you get the point - I don't NEED or WANT the same things. Long gone are junk foods & products to make myself comfortable.
Well, it rarely failed that somewhere after "I don't remember being fat" that they said "I wish I would have taken more pictures". I took that to heart. To the point where I was developing pictures every week or two. Not to be vain, but because I never wanted to forget. Forgetting where we come from in ANY situation (slavery, domestic violence, obesity...) will inevitably land us right back in that same situation. I was taking pictures out of fear. Sure, I thought they looked good but I was scared as hell of not remembering what led me to WLS. With that said, by surgery day I had lost a few pounds and reached 267 but to this day I keep a Summer 2003 photo in my wallet when I was at my highest weight of 281. I keep it on my person lest I never forget. I always take SERIOUS offense to "fat jokes" because to me, I'll always be that person in that picture. It is just by the grace of God that I don't look that way today & I have a totally different and welcomed new life (probably because I don't look that way). Eventhough NO ONE who sees the picture that I keep in my wallet believes it's me, it's very much me - & I don't want to re-live the daily life that came with that body but still I never want to forget. Besides that, I am proud of the journey and I don't fail to share it with those who it might help. With that said, I invite you to browse my profile pictures - keep in mind that the pic that I keep in my wallet isn't even there. The difference startles even me.
I don't come to OH much anymore because after my DS I got a life (absolutely no pun intended because prior I was so obsessed with getting WLS and my progress that at one point I was always here. Once my weight settled and I wasn't shopping for baby powder...). All that to say...when you go to Target or Walmart put some of your receipts in a ziplock (keeps the thermal ink from rubbing off), and write down how you're feeling & what you're doing at least once per month but even if you do NOTHING else, get a camera and get a damn good one. Pretend you are your own paparazi - you'll be glad you did.
Blessings,
gem
Our minds are WEIRD animals. After a while it adapts to whatever it perceives as the "norm". I vaguely have memories of how it actually FEELS to live in a morbidly obese body...I just know that I once did.
I can't speak to sweating for no reason, dusting powder in creases, pulling the seat belt way waaaaaaaaaaay out when I get in the car...none of that. My habits & cognition revolve around me in the present.
Fortunately, when I joined OH (back when it was still emerging from AMOS) in 2002 there were people who were 3+ years post op when I was still preOp and they always said "I don't remember being fat". At the time I was thinking "WHAT the F**K you mean you DON'T remember being fat??" Really, it's true - you literally forget. Not intentionally, but once you don't have to live it every single day...why would it stay at the front of your mind?? I have notes...I kept 2 - 2001 Walmart shopping receipts. I don't even shop for the same things. Baby powder? I have not one crease to put it in, deodorant...went from funk warrior Degree to "umma out on a lil something" weak Suave, I can't stand cold cuts anymore because my tastes changed, if you can't me in McDonalds or Wendy's or any of them I hope you're prayed up beause Jesus is coming back - I can no longer stand the smell of it, I don't buy snacks...I bake cookies on the rare occasion that I want them, bags of chips go stale in my house because everyone here now eats the way I do, I can't eat anything too sweet because my tastebuds are still very sensitive so Apple Jacks came off the list (although I crave them about once a year). It's wild because not only am I not fat, I don't operate within the "fat people's habits" that I apparently once had. I buy fresh fruit, fish & sea food, different poultry, lean beef, cook with herbs & spices (yea, I still got my Lawry's), make salads, snack on pecans & dried fruit, still love cake & pie but I found joy in baking them and trying new flavors (mine beat the hell out of paying $8.99 in the grocery store for a ready made cake...the list of changes go on & on & on but you get the point - I don't NEED or WANT the same things. Long gone are junk foods & products to make myself comfortable.
Well, it rarely failed that somewhere after "I don't remember being fat" that they said "I wish I would have taken more pictures". I took that to heart. To the point where I was developing pictures every week or two. Not to be vain, but because I never wanted to forget. Forgetting where we come from in ANY situation (slavery, domestic violence, obesity...) will inevitably land us right back in that same situation. I was taking pictures out of fear. Sure, I thought they looked good but I was scared as hell of not remembering what led me to WLS. With that said, by surgery day I had lost a few pounds and reached 267 but to this day I keep a Summer 2003 photo in my wallet when I was at my highest weight of 281. I keep it on my person lest I never forget. I always take SERIOUS offense to "fat jokes" because to me, I'll always be that person in that picture. It is just by the grace of God that I don't look that way today & I have a totally different and welcomed new life (probably because I don't look that way). Eventhough NO ONE who sees the picture that I keep in my wallet believes it's me, it's very much me - & I don't want to re-live the daily life that came with that body but still I never want to forget. Besides that, I am proud of the journey and I don't fail to share it with those who it might help. With that said, I invite you to browse my profile pictures - keep in mind that the pic that I keep in my wallet isn't even there. The difference startles even me.
I don't come to OH much anymore because after my DS I got a life (absolutely no pun intended because prior I was so obsessed with getting WLS and my progress that at one point I was always here. Once my weight settled and I wasn't shopping for baby powder...). All that to say...when you go to Target or Walmart put some of your receipts in a ziplock (keeps the thermal ink from rubbing off), and write down how you're feeling & what you're doing at least once per month but even if you do NOTHING else, get a camera and get a damn good one. Pretend you are your own paparazi - you'll be glad you did.
Blessings,
gem
WHAT Recession?!?I live in the Black...officially out of the RED
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