So Fellas...

**looking around..since no one else answered as of this typing....***

I'll go into each item. cuz you bring up a lot of stuff here.


"High maintainace" to me, has more to do with how a man may view himself.  IHO, sometimes an man may look at someone and think that woman is "out of my league" or has someone already and may not approach.  Sometimes it may have to do with the confidence in himself. 

In terms of the type of woman, I've never been one to have my friends or my brothers dictate the type of woman I spoke to.  After all, you're attracted to whom you're attracted to.  Again, whether a guy will have one type for the boys' sake and one type when he's being real with himself depends, i think , how he sees himself--does he follow the herd or is he his own man. 

Finally, the issue with friends.  While you may be the type who will deal with a man you may be interested in regardless as to what your girls may think, there are plenty of women out there who still take their girls reaction as consul, just as there are guys who do so.  Me? I don't approach groups for two reasons: the first is the herd mentality (like I said, both sexes can be guilty of that) in that its kinda sorta put to a vote by the group (lol).  The second, and this HAS happened quite often, is that, there may well be ONE person in the group who is digging you...however, unless the sign is put out there, you have no clue.  Choose wrong and you may as well not even try again...just pick your face up off the floor, put your tail between ur legs and keep it moving. lol.

 

Regarding men you say
whether a guy will have one type for the boys' sake and one type when he's being real with himself depends, i think , how he sees himself--does he follow the herd or is he his own man. 

Regarding women you say
I don't approach groups for two reasons: the first is the herd mentality


So is not the how one views themself barometer not applicable to all?  Shouldn't everyone get the benefit of the doubt? 

How can you possibly tell what type of woman you're dealing with because she happens to be with a group?  So women should take a man's word that all men are not like that, but men can't fathom that not all women are like that?  Sounds to me like someone is j-j-j-j-jaded.  That's fine, but when that's the case, one should own it and not project it on the other sex. 

No different than a woman saying Sam, Ed, and Mark didn't want nothing serious, just wanted to f*ck, so Bill don't mean me no good either.  Silly huh?  And in the event that Bill doesn't mean any good then at that point you go 4 n*ggas that aint **** start lookin at youuuuuuuuuu

Same difference with ya'll If you get this type of madness from chicks, start looking at youuuuuuu and learn to stay in your lane, don't be mad that you don't belong in hers.

Regarding men you say
whether a guy will have one type for the boys' sake and one type when he's being real with himself depends, i think , how he sees himself--does he follow the herd or is he his own man. 

Regarding women you say
I don't approach groups for two reasons: the first is the herd mentality


So is not the how one views themself barometer not applicable to all?  Shouldn't everyone get the benefit of the doubt? 

should everyone get the benefit of the doubt? By all means, yes, of course.  However, in the real world does everyone get the benefit of the doubt?  No, unfortunately, they don't..as I said with the aspect of the herd mentality, that happens with both sexes.   Both genders can be guilty, for lack of a better word, of judging a book by its cover, or judging a person by cir****tances.  I wasn't casting stones at women by my statement regarding not approaching groups because of a herd mentality. 

How can you possibly tell what type of woman you're dealing with because she happens to be with a group?  So women should take a man's word that all men are not like that, but men can't fathom that not all women are like that?

I never said you could judge one by the group.  Further, I never said all women were like that.  I even mentioned WHY I don't approach groups besides the herd mentality that can happen..(choose wrong, be gone).  
  Sounds to me like someone is j-j-j-j-jaded.  That's fine, but when that's the case, one should own it and not project it on the other sex. 

No one is projecting anything, and, yes, I am jaded. I own it. I admit it.  Those who know me know I'm jaded.  Do I project? No, I do not.  I admit I'm less than perfect/desirable to whole lot of women based on a whole lot of reason.  I'm not for everyone. Yet, I still date.  I'm still hopeful.  I don't know why/how this became a personal attack, for nothing I said was aimed directly at you.  But, its cool. 

No different than a woman saying Sam, Ed, and Mark didn't want nothing serious, just wanted to f*ck, so Bill don't mean me no good either.  Silly huh?  And in the event that Bill doesn't mean any good then at that point you go 4 n*ggas that aint **** start lookin at youuuuuuuuuu

Same difference with ya'll If you get this type of madness from chicks, start looking at youuuuuuu and learn to stay in your lane, don't be mad that you don't belong in hers.

For the record, I always look at me.  I am my own biggest critic. As such no one can tell me anything negative about myself that I haven't already heard or self-analyzed and tried to do something about it.  I never said anything about being mad at anything...at least I don't think I did. 

where do you get attack?  Mere discussion. 

It's like you're proving my point, but don't quite want to commit to it. 

Follow me now.  If you can be honest and own it that's great.  But my contention and issue in general is that men typically don't do that.  It's always "well she..."  Just like in politics when they can't defend their position or provide substance for what they're saying they start beating up on the other side to deflect.  That's what I'm saying happens with men. 

I am committing to it.  many of us DON'T want to own up to carrying baggage or having a lack of self confidence or being jaded. 

Then again, in terms of approaching someone, lets be real, some are more approachable than others.  I know I give off a vibe that I don't wanna be bothered (most times, I don't), that I am stand-offiish.  I don't let anyone get too close.  

Having said that, I know that there are others of both sexes who do the same for whatever reason.   If good at it, you can keep Ghandi away from you if need be.   As I said, just as I put up a wall, there are women who are just as capable of putting up walls.  Mostly because of dealing with jackass guys sometimes, but the wall is there and very visible. 

Okay.  We know the problem / situation is out there.  What is the solution?  If any?  Have a man act more like a man?  Yes, that's part of the situation, for, unfortunately, many of my brothers have no idea of what that means.  However, the state of relationships is not solely or wholly lain at the feet of men, for it takes two to tango. 

Anyone who knows me can tell you 2 things I say all the time. 


If you agree, then there is no but.

If you're sorry there is no but.

There's a lot of buts in your argument.  Yes, it takes two to tango, but if one partner is doing the salsa, and the other the lindy you have a mess, but you have to address both individually,  show them how far from the damn tango they both are, show them how to modify their steps based on what they're doing wrong, and that's two different conversations.  Since both are on different pages, it's different lessons.  You don't teach French to English and Spanish to English the same way, but once you've got a group of English speakers, no matter what their native tongue you can fine tune them, ya dig?

 
The problem is no one wants to address anything without pointing the finger.  This is exactly what my OP pretty much said.  Personal responsibility..  Women are always on the hot seat.  Everybody got advise for us and there are typically no excuses, we know better, we shouldn'ta ****** him, whatever the case may be.  Not a lot of mercy on us for using the "well he" argument.  I just think that should be equal.

I'm talking about men.  No need to address women at all right now  If two separate pieces of something are broken, you can only glue one back together at a time right?  Only after each piece is repaired do they stand a change of the bond holding once you put it all back together.  Same with people. 

We're always talking about men, though.  How we often mistreat women, how many of us aren't real men, how many of us are under employed, etc.. Thus, as it stands, we're pretty much innundated in the sins of men where relationships are concerned.  We see it in flim, in novels, in countless articles. 

What I would love to see is a discussion by women on what they may or may not contribute to the failure of relationships.   

It takes a lot for a person to own up to their part in the failure anything...mostly it takes being honest with themselves.  While I might have said "but" I never said, "but women do this or do that" 

I admit I am jaded, and have a wall up for the most part. There is going to be a "but, unfortunately, because no one is born with a wall or are born jaded.   I try to be open, and sometimes it is exceeding difficult.

I give up.  You are having a completely different and might I add completely subjective conversation.   This was not intended to go where you've taken it.

So, if a woman looks good and likes to take care of herself she's considered high maintenance. Regardless of the fact that, she might shop at TJMaxx, Ross, and payless knowing how to rock her ****! 

Dalexis, what is your definition of high maintenance?

I know right?  They don't even know.  Yes, I regularly vacation at Nordstrom, but I live at ROSS!!!    Saturday peeps were telling me I looked cute and threw the diva word around.  How bout my dress was $3.49 and my sandals were $9.99?  The smooth taste fools em every time.