Need some help...male input & parents...please.

My son is very, very easy-going.  It takes a lot to **** him off and he is so just go with the flow, mellow--total opposite of me (and his dad for that matter.)  I'm a hothead and at that age was fighting boys on a regular basis. 

Yesterday and this is not the first time he came home to say that this kid who was his friend until about 3 weeks ago grabbed him and shoved him because he had the ball at recess.  He said the little boy then took the ball away and then "kind of hit him on the arm."  

I asked what he did and he said he just walked away. 

Now I know that it is probably better to just walk away but as I said this isn't the first instance.  So I said, "Stop letting that kid punk you.  Take the ball back and if he hits you, hit him back."  He then replied that he would get in trouble (at school.)  I said if he starts it, then you can fini**** and you won't get in trouble with me. 

I don't want him to become a bully but I don't want him to be a pushover either. It's not a question of him not being able to defend himself but his overall general even-tempered nature.  Thoughts?

WELL HOW OLD IS HE?  I THINK THAT DIFFERENT SITUATIONS CAN BE DELT WITH DEPENDING ON AGE.

Sorry, I thought I had added that.  He is in kindergarten--about to be 6.

I had a similar problem with my daughter - she's very laid back too.  Loves everybody, wouldn't hurt a fly.  some lil heffa was pushing and punching her - she would tell the teacher but the girl kept waiting for times when no one was looking and hurting my baby.

I gave her the MACK lesson on 'getback' - how to quietly whoop a mofo and keep rolling.  she came back to me about a week later telling me that she beat that ho down in the bathroom cause that's unsupervised time. 

Now - mofos on here might say that i am teaching her violence - but *insert middle finger smiley here* cause NOBOBY punks the MACK family!!!  I remember when I was in middle school getting trounced on an my mama hipped me to the throat chop - that B*TCH needed a few minutes to restore air flow to her lungs and she ain't touch me NO MO GIN!!!!  LOL

You taught him right!  Hell - he should stand up for himself - nothing wrong with that.

See!  I knew I would get the same kind of thought process from you. 

I think that is why our kids are soo laid back--crazy ass mommas. 

  We are both from the land of......

I WISH A MUDDA****** WOULD!!!!!!!!!!

which is just off the border of:

NO DAT MUDDA****** DIDN'T!!!!!!

and also adjacent to:

THAT'S THE LAST TIME DAT MUDDA****** WILL!!!

I have always been laidback. As a kid and even as an adult for the most part.  For me, it was a matter of not fighting when I was a kid because I was kinda afraid to fight.   Anyway, my dad was a boxer as a teenager back in Panama; he taught me and my brother how to box. 

After a few times of my coming home from being bullied, he pulled me to the side one day and told me, "Dwayne, if you don't fight him, you're gonna fight me."  Of course, I didnt' wanna fight my dad (he was crazy then, and is an old man trying to get into Heaven now), so I ended up fighting in school..well, after school, anyway. 

To this day, for the most part, I'm laid bac****il pushed.  Nowadays, its more about not wanting to be bothered with the bullchiot.  However, if pushed enough, the pushback will come.  The unfortuante thing is that ppl often mistaken the laidback approach for being a punk.

I say this, Tonya, to say that when your son is pushed enough, HIS temper will come out.  But, by all means, encourage him to defend himself.  The only dangerous thing about that these days is that, while we fought with hands back when I was a kid,  these day***** asses don't and wanna pull out the guns.  So, while its good for him to defend himself, he has to temper his temper with discretion. 
Just my .02 worth.  I could be wrong. 

I agree that based on today's cir****tances you do have to use a little more judgment.  That's why I no longer use my horn and the one finger salute as often.  

He can defend himself--he punched my brother in the face one day and didn't think twice about it.  It's not an issue of not knowing how.  I had to stop playing around with him because he was leaving bruises.

As I said in another post, it's more of an issue of getting in trouble at school/disappointing his teacher. 

I don't think that the laidback approach is necessarily being a punk but this isn't the first instance and I know how little motha******s are--one does it and the rest follow.  I would rather have him labeled as the one not to **** with then the one that will take it and walk away.  One good time is usually all it takes.

Tonya,
I agree with you.  One good time is usually all it takes. 

About the laidback approach being punkish, I didn't mean you, I meant potential tormentors.   All he has to do it just beat that first ass (especially if its the BIGGEST tormentor) and the rest will realize that while he IS laidback, he is NOT to be fugged with. 

Ok I got questions...(this one is a hard one by the way) How did he feel about the incident? Was he like its no big deal mom I just went and played with some other friends? Or was it more like he wished he could have done something but was more afraid to get in trouble if he did? I would trust your son's decision. If he felt like he handled it appropriately and is comfortable with his decision then I would leave it alone. Because technically he did the right thing. If he really wanted to stand up for himself but was to afraid then I would encourage him to stand up for himself.  Also is there some kind of way you could have a meeting with the kid's parent. If the kids used to be friends maybe there is someway to get them back to that point.

My final thought is everyone is an individual including our children and that means that what you might do in a situation may not be what he wants to do in the same situation