Piggyback off #1MM post....please share.

Okay in her previous posts MM spoke about perceptions and whether you can judge a person's true character by what they post online.  Well I thought that was an interesting topic...so I commented.  It also brought to mind a question that I would like to ask.  How many people on BAF take a personal inventory on a periodic basis. I mean do you really take a hard look at yourself and how you behave, interact, judge, perceive etc.... and if you do....do you ever take it a step further and check yourself.  I mean as it was stated previously everyone has issues. Not one on here is perfect....except perhaps in their own mind.  Well...I do try to take a personal inventory...it all started back in my days working in a rehab for drug addicts.  I found it useful and had resulted in my continued growth over the years.  Hell....I still have a lot of growth a head of me.  I have said before that I consider myself an open book.  I don't mind sharing about my life because I have found that over the years I have been able to help others that may have experienced similar cir****tances as myself.  I just thought about it and did a brief inventory..and I don't mind sharing. Now of course this is purely my perceptions of myself...I would only give credence to only people who truly know me and perhaps a therapist to suggest  otherwise.

Some of my personal inventory in no particular order:

Positives

Hardworking
Caring
Maternal
Trustworthy
Honest the majority of the time
Commitment minded
Sociable
Assertive
Good sense of humor
Very spontaneous...easily adapt to change


Negatives

Over intellectualize and sometimes let my common sense fly out the window
Procrastinator
Workaholic...which results in half stepping on some things
Ultraconservative which can come across as snobbish but I am as down home as it gets..people who know me know that I am more "country" than anything else....being raised in Arkansas and all.
Time management is a serious issue for me...thus why I am on BAF writing this post
Easily bored...and lose interest in things. At one point in my life, I moved to a new apartment every year...at the end of my lease...folks would get ghost because they knew I would need help moving. I am more settled now but this is still an issue.

Okay...thats enough about me... Now what I plan to do about my negatives... I'll tackle the first one....I will make more of an effort to realize when I am analyzing/intellectualizing shiot AND STOP....I mean in most cases its not even something that serious.  Its these damn critical thinking classes that I am taking...have you analyzing the velocity of shiott as it hits the toilet.....

Anyone else care to share......................     
    



     

Hmmmm - this is gonna be good - you should held this one till tomorrow morning!  LOL

As for me - I have done a LOT of soul searching and rearranging since WLS - it was my catalyst for change in my life.  I have had some other ephiphany moments since then - but basically I don't do what I don't want to do and I don't give a hot damn about what folk think or react to unless they have some personal connection to me IRL.  I used to be a walking open wound and folk would grind salt on me on the regular - now - I just do what comes to mind and figure out the rest later.  Being true to me is what allowed me to evolve.  

Now - some take issue with my approach, my behavior, my outlook - but whatever.  My life is not anyone else's.  I will listen to folks opinions but no longer treat them as truths - that was a hard lesson to learn. 

As far as negatives - hmmm, I got em - but they are things I purposefully choose to do nothing about - I am the way I am and will continue to be as I choose.  That choice was a gift of freedom I gave myself during this process I have been on .  So - I don't have a list, sadly - I am too ADD to sit and write up all that LOL - but I have a friend/mentor who knows me REALLY well - I talk to her all the time and that's kinda like this exercise, I guess.  

Great post!!! 

LOL! See MM I was trying not to analyze this too much...by calculating the anticipated response rate based on the timing of the post, correct font to use to stimulate the the optic nerves of the readers thus resulting in increased brain wave activity and interest in sharing....   LOL!  Stress, Stress.

I am curious about the evolution that you speak about....particularly...if you can recall the AHA moment that lead you to realize that you did not have to be stepped on or let people treat you any kind of way.   Was there a defining moment or did you evolve gradually.  I myself can recall being very introverted up until I was in my 2nd year of college.  I was a people pleaser to my heart....and would let people walk all over me.  I mean it seems simple enough but I specifically remember having an AHA moment.  I was like wait a minute...these people that I am trying to please shiot out their azz just like me...and I am sure it don't smell too pretty.  Why am I putting them up on a pedestal and devaluing myself.  Its as if I made a pact with myself to do me and not define myself based on others perceptions. Over time...my ego grew stronger and stronger as a result of this particular discovery.

As far as the negatives..for me if I choose to do anything about them...its more as a measure to alleviated unneeded stress....not really to please others.  Do you have any negatives that cause you stress..that you might need to look at? Just food for thought.     
 

You is a THOUGHTFUL mofo late in the afternoon, early evening, ain't cha?  LMAO

As for a defining moment - not one, but several.  With relationships - friends - had a defining moment with one and realized that putting myself out to help someone else's life go smoother wasn't getting me anywhere, stopped that.  Romantic - realized that mofos were using me for what I could provide to make their life better - 86'd that, but took it to the other extreme and started using/abusing folk - had the AHA that ain't cool either.  Hell even in this forum I have changed - came on here with my damn heart on my sleeve thinking this would be all acceptance, peaches and cream..... NOT!!!  I took my lumps and now truly don't give a damn.  As for the rest -  Now I am floating into a balance, but have my slip up moments.......

I still find myself sometimes overly concerned over if someone else is happy with what I had done, or what I have said - I really had to deal with being okay to lose someone out of my life - that was very difficult for me, for some reason I felt it was a serious mark against me if someone no longer wanted to hang around or be involved with me - for whatever reason, no matter how bad they treated me.  Talk about relief when I let THAT **** go!  WHOOOOmuther******SAAAAAA!!!!  LOL

As for the negatives that cause me stress - only my impulsiveness and lack of retaining history - what I mean by that is no matter how long I have known you, you're only as good as your yesterday with me.  My BF and I have been together for a lil over three years and that ***** has been through some **** with me..... now - let him **** up the slightest thing TODAY - I won't remember NOTHING about all the past good **** - I'm in THIS moment and it's the 'you ain't ****' show!  LMAO  He recognizes this about me - lets it go most of the time.  Is it something I am working on to change?  Nope - it's just me - if it pushes a mofo away, that's a mofo I ain't need cause to change it would mean I ain't being me - and NOT being ME is NOT on my 'to do' list!!!!

You is a THOUGHTFUL mofo late in the afternoon, early evening, ain't cha?  LMAO


 I honestly have to say that this is the first time that someone has called me a MOFO to my face and I took pleasure in it.    WTF......I must be losing my mind.  Thanks for posting and sharing MM. LOL!

Oh my dear, dear MD..... you must not know all the variations and usages of mofo......

now - you should protest if a mofo calls you an outright MOTHER******

but never protesteth much for a mere mofo - for that is truly a term of endearment, especially when modified by a proceding adjective - that means there is sincere care put into the reference..... see also muddafucka, ****** sommamuddafuckka and other variations of the same.....

If ever in doubt, feel free to call on the mofos of BAF for a second opinion - these muddafuckas round here ALWAYS ready to give an opinion call!!!!

  Ok - clearly I am bored and need to call it a night - but that **** still got me ova hur!!! 

 Please go to bed....you have me dying over here. Thanks for the term of  endearing MOFO!!!!!

Hell, I lost all I typed... damn it!!! it was good too.

Yes, I take stock... in 2007, I  suffered the Great Depression - went into hibernation (except work - stil wonder how I did it.  God gave me taht much strength), cut people off, etc.  Realized I didn't like me @ all. Not one bit. Realized what people would tell me about me was right.   Montell Williams said on Oprah last month when you are in your deepest depression is when you have the most clarity and introspection about yourself.  So true!

I'm a work in progress... I had to see the good,(been pointed out so much bad, I didn't see any good - still dont't) the bad, and the ugly.    But I'm getting there.

Now, the decision to have WLS: Tired of hips hurting to see, knees won't let me drop it like it's hot, ankles so small carrying all this weight they make my  legs look like upside down baseball bats. Tired of being winded.

But I'm mostly tired of what the weight did to ME.  I never had good self esteem.  Was told I was ugly for so long, I believed it (took me until a year or so ago to realize I'm not.  But I still have my days).  Even so, I went out.  You had to drag me out of the party/club.  I would dance my ass off. That was in college @ at 135-160lbd.

Now? Clubbing= bad self esteem.  Used to go out w/ my skinny ex-friends. I'm holding the purses.  If I did get asked to dance, it was someone that I know shouldn't have the nerve to ask me, so the thought ?  Hell, I must be uglier/fatter than I thought?

I want that chic back that went out, laughed a lot, had glee in her eyes, would bugee jump or do something crazy. I want to run and not get weary, run and not faint.

It's like either Alfree Woodward's or Kathy Bate's character in The Family that Preys said something about being alive, but not participating in life (I wish I knew the exact quote - cuzz it sums me up).

I want to live and this ain't living.  Not at all...

Hey lady I  think the quote issomething like ar eyou living or merely existing?  OR something like that lol I can't wait to talk to you next week!

Wow...this really touched me. I so can relate.  I know about losing stuff you typed...don't that just burn you...but it was meant for you to get this version down.  I am so glad you started over.  You have to hold on to the hope that you will one day see that person again.  I know the weight is burdensome in more ways than one....however...its just a symptom of the way we feel inside. I know that while I was waiting and going through the process to get my WLS...I would look at myself in the mirror everyday and say "Lisa you are going to get your health in check...just hold on girl".  I remember crying so many times in front of that mirror because I was just so tired of being obese.  I mean I hate the word....make it sound like you're an animal or something.  But we are not animals...we are mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, daughters and sons...all striving for a healthier life style.  Just hold on KrazsexyKool...you will get there. I am so glad you are contributing to BAF.