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I'm totally feeling what Cassie's saying. for those reasons, those who are what i truly call friends know i will tell them my honest truthful opinion (bec after all, our version of "truth" is just an opinion, since it is skewed by out perceptions of life, values, etc) and i expect the same from them. if im *****ing about something, let me know if u think im being irrational, selfish, etc.

to answer your concern, this doesnt necessarily include a solution or constructive criticism...more like food for reflection so that i can "why it down" to the root and make a change if i desire.

but, in a way, there is constructive criticsm or a solution IF what your saying is heard as opposed to HOW ur saying it, u know? 

In the midst of conversation, IF the reciever of the message and the giver are having a frank and honest discourse as opposed to, "Damn, baby, that fugging dress is mad ugly..", and leaving it at that, the reciever of the message may come up with some of their OWN solutions. 

I say that to say that sometimes its not all about ME as the message sender coming up with solutions, but maybe helping the person I'm talking to come up with solutions. 

Well to be brief for once...I think misery loves company. SOME people are cruel or so TOO REAL intentionally because they want others to be as miserable as they are....it creates a comfort zone.  I do think its important to ask oneself the question....what do I hope to accomplish by giving this feedback? to help the person, to people please, to co-sign, to deflect etc... I mean depending on the day...even a good hearted person can misstep for selfish reasons when giving feedback.    

Thanks for the response, MD.

Your fingers must be hurting, for i'm used to your detailed responses.  lol. Have a great one, hon. :) 

Look, man, use my word in MODERATION! lol

honesty isnt for everyone. tact aside (and like Trina said -i think- it is pretty subjective), many people are just too used to sugar coating to even deal with stuff that RESEMBLES truth.

but this isnt an honesty discussion. its a jackassery discussion ( NOT the same as cattiness-iwhich has very sexist overtones). im a jackass sometimes because its fun, i have a very short attention span, and i like to keep myself amused. my true FRIENDS are just like me, so we have a good time and very few hurt feelings...if something hits a little too close, we talk about it and its done. some of it may be defensive positioning...creating a shield or mask to keep the masses diverted. very few actually get in. i know that part of it. but keep in mind, when i say jackassery, it does not ALL consist of mockery of ppl, it manifests in a variety of behaviors. more of a way of life.

i rarely do it just to be mean...but that may feel different to the recipient, depending on his/her sense of humour...so i have learned to gauge my "audience" somewhat...and adapt. (just a bit, tho)

J,

Thank you for a more detailed analysis of your jackassiness. 

I admit that, at times, I can be a pain..hell, i've done it in here.  When I've done it and the person was offended, I usually find myself apologizing...unless its a situation where I flat don't like the person (though there are very few I straight up DO NOT LIKE).

I do agree that with a lot of ppl, it is a mask / a source of protection.  In my case, when I was younger, my thing was to do it to them BEFORE they do it to me. 

I am brutally honest in general...always have been.  My family will say "don't ask Tonya, if you don't really want to know."  That being said, when people **** me off I will **** you up with some words in a minute--I'm working on that bad side of my personality.