Babygirl Gets Her Back Up...
I was standing in the kitchen watching a small platoon of midget Mexicans descend upon my busted backyard like a band of Navy Seals when i heard the front door open. "Hey." i yelled at her as she vaulted the stairs up to her bedroom. "Uh perhaps you didn't hear me i said hello." "I heard you." "And?" "I said hello back." "Well i didn't hear you!" "Just because you didn't hear me don't mean i didn't say it." oh no this little trick heifa didn't. I start after her but think about the ten minute rule. See we ain't been feeling each other lately ya'll. I mean our relationship has become real critical in the past six months or so. At 17 years old, she is standing 5 10 hella hella fine and she has blossomed if you get my drift, I mean really BOSUMMED.. so she believing her own commercials right about now. (Hi, I'm Krystal Harrington and i approve this message) Smart mouf little heifa. Ain't nuttin wrong with writing your own commercials but you ain't suppose to believe that shyte..Anyway, we doing that thing now what they call it, counseling yeah that's it.. and guess what fellas? Yep, I'm the problem!! "Mr. Harrington you need to develop a better way of communicating with her daughter" Right. And i have to pay you for this advice right? I coulda stayed married if i wanted to hear this crap again. Im sick of this Bill Cosby Heathcliff Huxtable bull#@$%. I'm more of the James Evans Good Times type of man. YOu want to communicate well let's start communicating about some of this damn bills up in here and we can start with your cell phone bill.
Anyways, i just chill and remember the ten minute rule. I hear her stomping down the stairs and turn my back reciting my new mantra, "Don't react. If you don't react she has no power." She tosses, no she throws her bookbag on the corian counter which she knows i hate cause it scratches the surface, but i chill. "How was your day babygirl?" in my best impression of Heathcliff. "Well if you must know, it was a very humiliating day." I didn't like the snide way the words rolled off her tongue and the thought of sideslapping her with both hands and watching those fake ass Alicia Keys braids fly like spiders permeated my mind. But i just chill. "And pray tell what happened my dear sweet child? Talk to your father." She dropped one hip and placed her hand on the other and arched her eyebrows till they nearly touched. "Easy babygirl go easy. I ain't that dude in the cafeteria hear?" 'No Dad, i don't want to hear it. This time you dead wrong." Did i just hear some bass in her voice? And is she pointing her finger at me? Sweet Jesus take me now befo i take her skinny little ass outta here!
"You just had to go off on her huh Dad?!!" "Go off on who?" "Sabrina!" I can't even recall who the hell Sabrina is cause my pressure done shot up and all i see is that finger and that hip. "Who??" 'Sabrina Dad, my friend she called here and you went off on her when she told you she was pregnant." "Oh that Sabrina." "Yeah that Sabrina. WHy you gotta always lecture somebody Dad! She came to school crying hysterically over what you said to her!" What did i say?" "You told her that her life was over and that she is going to end up sitting in a welfare office somewhere holding a number and snotty nose baby!" Damn that cognac. "No i didn't. I told her that her life would never be the same now. I told her that girls get left holding the leaky diaper bag when boys get tired of playing house and move on to the next wet hole." "Why you gotta say something like that for Dad? They had to call the paramedics because she was crying so hard they thought she was going into labor!" Well what you mad at me fo. It ain't mine!" "Dad seriously. You were very insensitive. The girl is eight months pregnant and my father almost cause her to have a premature delivery in the school nurse's office! ANd the whole school knows now! YOu know how embarassing that is!! "You want to be embarassed, show up at my front door with something hanging off your hip other than a book bag and i'll show you what embarassment is!" "Whatever Dad you didn't have to judge her like that this ain't some courtroom! Can't you stop being a cop for a minute!" First of all, if you want to have a conversation with me, take some of that bass out cha voice hear me? Secondly, this ain't have nothing to do with me being a cop it had everything to do with me being a father! "Really Dad?" Really." Then answer this, did you ask her how she's doing?" No" "Did you ask her about her health?" "No" "Did you ask her about the baby's health?" "For what it ain't mine!" "See all cop no dad in those words. You could have made your point without being so critical Dad. Now if you excuse me I have to call all my friends and apologize for your behavior." "YOu ain't got to do apologize for me sista girl! that's the problem with you whole damn generation! Ain't nobody judgin ya'll so everything goes!! The bar is set too damn low for all of ya'll!! This ain't some dress rehearsal Krystal and that ain't some play doll growing in that child's belly! Real talk for real life that's how i get down!" "Oh really Dad?" "Yeah really." "So you justify telling a scared 8 month pregant girl that she gon end up another unwed single mother because that's real talk!" "look don't take what i said out of context, i told the child that the chances of her ending up another unwed single black mother is very high now. I told her what she needed to hear and what her daddy should have told her years ago." "Yeah whatever Dad but that don't make it right. You always preaching and lecturing mom had me when she was 23 now what?" I tell you what the difference is i was there from jump street you ain't never wanted for nothing!" "And what if you're wrong Dad? what if this guy does stick it out and help her raise it? Will she meet your approval then? WHo made you the judge and jury?" she spins and takes off grabbing the portable phone on the way out the room leaving me there steaming in my own shyte. "And you betta check your tongue with me girl!" I holla at her shadow trying to throw the last jab in the last round. "Yeah right Dad, I'll check mine when you check yours."
No this little trick heifa didn't just check me...
Anyways, i just chill and remember the ten minute rule. I hear her stomping down the stairs and turn my back reciting my new mantra, "Don't react. If you don't react she has no power." She tosses, no she throws her bookbag on the corian counter which she knows i hate cause it scratches the surface, but i chill. "How was your day babygirl?" in my best impression of Heathcliff. "Well if you must know, it was a very humiliating day." I didn't like the snide way the words rolled off her tongue and the thought of sideslapping her with both hands and watching those fake ass Alicia Keys braids fly like spiders permeated my mind. But i just chill. "And pray tell what happened my dear sweet child? Talk to your father." She dropped one hip and placed her hand on the other and arched her eyebrows till they nearly touched. "Easy babygirl go easy. I ain't that dude in the cafeteria hear?" 'No Dad, i don't want to hear it. This time you dead wrong." Did i just hear some bass in her voice? And is she pointing her finger at me? Sweet Jesus take me now befo i take her skinny little ass outta here!
"You just had to go off on her huh Dad?!!" "Go off on who?" "Sabrina!" I can't even recall who the hell Sabrina is cause my pressure done shot up and all i see is that finger and that hip. "Who??" 'Sabrina Dad, my friend she called here and you went off on her when she told you she was pregnant." "Oh that Sabrina." "Yeah that Sabrina. WHy you gotta always lecture somebody Dad! She came to school crying hysterically over what you said to her!" What did i say?" "You told her that her life was over and that she is going to end up sitting in a welfare office somewhere holding a number and snotty nose baby!" Damn that cognac. "No i didn't. I told her that her life would never be the same now. I told her that girls get left holding the leaky diaper bag when boys get tired of playing house and move on to the next wet hole." "Why you gotta say something like that for Dad? They had to call the paramedics because she was crying so hard they thought she was going into labor!" Well what you mad at me fo. It ain't mine!" "Dad seriously. You were very insensitive. The girl is eight months pregnant and my father almost cause her to have a premature delivery in the school nurse's office! ANd the whole school knows now! YOu know how embarassing that is!! "You want to be embarassed, show up at my front door with something hanging off your hip other than a book bag and i'll show you what embarassment is!" "Whatever Dad you didn't have to judge her like that this ain't some courtroom! Can't you stop being a cop for a minute!" First of all, if you want to have a conversation with me, take some of that bass out cha voice hear me? Secondly, this ain't have nothing to do with me being a cop it had everything to do with me being a father! "Really Dad?" Really." Then answer this, did you ask her how she's doing?" No" "Did you ask her about her health?" "No" "Did you ask her about the baby's health?" "For what it ain't mine!" "See all cop no dad in those words. You could have made your point without being so critical Dad. Now if you excuse me I have to call all my friends and apologize for your behavior." "YOu ain't got to do apologize for me sista girl! that's the problem with you whole damn generation! Ain't nobody judgin ya'll so everything goes!! The bar is set too damn low for all of ya'll!! This ain't some dress rehearsal Krystal and that ain't some play doll growing in that child's belly! Real talk for real life that's how i get down!" "Oh really Dad?" "Yeah really." "So you justify telling a scared 8 month pregant girl that she gon end up another unwed single mother because that's real talk!" "look don't take what i said out of context, i told the child that the chances of her ending up another unwed single black mother is very high now. I told her what she needed to hear and what her daddy should have told her years ago." "Yeah whatever Dad but that don't make it right. You always preaching and lecturing mom had me when she was 23 now what?" I tell you what the difference is i was there from jump street you ain't never wanted for nothing!" "And what if you're wrong Dad? what if this guy does stick it out and help her raise it? Will she meet your approval then? WHo made you the judge and jury?" she spins and takes off grabbing the portable phone on the way out the room leaving me there steaming in my own shyte. "And you betta check your tongue with me girl!" I holla at her shadow trying to throw the last jab in the last round. "Yeah right Dad, I'll check mine when you check yours."
No this little trick heifa didn't just check me...
OMG - I soooo LOVE your stories!!!! she feelin herself WAY bad right thur....
but you were on POINT with that lil fass azz trollop - she CAN hang it up!!!
but you were on POINT with that lil fass azz trollop - she CAN hang it up!!!
I don't just have issues, I have subscriptions! I'm saving on the newsstand price....... 
Check out my dating mis - adventures at: http://1macdatinggame.blogspot.com/
This was great reading!!! Please tell me you're published.... LAWD have mercy...we've got some serious writers holding it down on BAF!!!! We need to have New York Times take a peek ova here! I will pray that things settle down for you with the TEENager. I got two girls myself and I am so not looking forward to these years. More power to you brother!
"Yeah right Dad, I'll check mine when you check yours." Most Active
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