Married women and women dating....

What are you thoughts when your man or husband has possibly cheated on you (not sure about sexually yet) but definitely too much casual conversation but the evidence possibly indicts something sexual? How do you overcome those thoughts? Do you stay in the marriage or relationship? I have confronted the other woman who says they are friends, but you know how we get that black woman intitution that it is possibly more and you cant let it go. My husband constantly denies a sexual relationship, but their are other indicators that he may have lied about other things.  Please help, open to suggestions

Well I have learned from experience that black women can sense when something is wrong. I would just keep my eyes and ears open because the other woman is only going to do what is takes to keep herself protected. She will lie to the end. Your husband is the one that you should be confronting because he could be feeding this woman lies just like he is doing you. But I would not just give up on my marriage unless I know for sure something has gone on and even then I will make him pay for wasting my time.

From personal expierience, won't let another man EVER drive me crazy! I'm not checking phones, email, pants pockets, paystubs, nuffin. Men aren't slick.....it'll eventually come out. If I can't trust you, I don't need you. I know I'm a bad mamajama and if a man doesn't realize what they have they'll be sorry when they lose it!


(Now playin devil's advocate)
Trust is a very important part of a marriage. It's like the keystone, without it everything else falls apart. Maybe you could go to counselling and work it out. Another thing, are you content with you? Insecurities can lead to feelings like this. You might want to sit down and think if your suspicions are valid or you're making it worse in your head.

"... Well I have learned from experience that black women can sense when something is wrong....."

It isn't just "black women" who can sense when something is wrong.  anyone can see when something has changed or something is missing or even has that innate sense in their gut when something may be wrong.  Hell, as a black MAN, I've felt when I was cheated on ("What?  Black women cheat??? Say it ain't so!!!!").   That's the first thing. 

The second thing is maybe he is having "too much casual conversation ..." with another woman.  If that is indeed the case, there may be a couple of things going on.  A)It may be just that--causal conversation, or B) he may well be on the say to possibly cheating.

Now, the question may be:  if he IS cheating, or contemplating it,  why? 
Contrary to popular belief, not ALL men wake up one morning and say, "Hey, I know.  I think I will ruin my marriage/ relationship and cheat."

While there ARE those guy who just decide to sling it wherever and whenever the chance comes up, there are ALSO those who (like more and more women these days )see something is missing at home and seek it somewhere else.  That something missing at home may be a notion as seemingly simple as conversation or feeling needed/loved/respected or as seemingly complex as selfish / bad sexual relations. 

If you feel the need to confront him, the better way to do it rather than the overboard, emotions-filled argument (like many do) is simply do discuss it rationally.  If he IS cheating, the key is to find out WHY (if he is just doing it to be doing it, its up to you as to whether u want to forgive him or not).  If there is a reason that can be corrected, and you are willing and able to do so, at that point, you have a choice. 

 

Wow, I'm learning so much from the men on here.  And you are right, both sexes cheat equally.

Hi, nikkemo. 

is that sarcasm? LOL.  LOL 

LOL
Absolutely not.  I'm pretty straight forward.  You guys on here have a lot of insight and a different perspective is very nice.  It brings balance to some of us that don't have a lot of male perspective in their lives to go off of.

:)

I try to be as forthright and honest as possible. 

The truth is I have been on both sides of that spectrum.  Because of that, I think, from my own personal point of view, i can give both perspectives. 

Too often, we DON'T get a male's perspective of the whole cheating issue for whatever reason.  The common misconception is that we ALL cheat.  While we are all capable, we all don't do it.  Me? I was married nearly eight years before I did it.  I am not, nor was I at the time proud of what I did and justified it BY looking for what I thought was missing at home (even though I HAD expressed what what missing and my ex-wife acted like I was making it up, I still should have just left rather than cheat as well). 

I think when situations like this occur you have to ask yourself some questions.
1. what type of person is your husband/or significant other.  Is he a habitual liar, cheater or is this something out of the norm for him.

2.  What type of person are you.  Are you the type that can forgive and forget.  Or are you the type that will throw this in his face and make him rue the day he every laid eyes on you and when he sleeps you secretly plot his death.

3. Have you both done everything in the relationship/marriage to the best of your ability to make it work. And disoite your best effort, he still finds the need to step outside the relationship.

The answer to these questions can help you determine if the relationship/marriage is worth savaging. I hope things work out for you.