Vent/Release...my momma

Thanks! I agree we al need to be on the couch!

hi diva...i know too well about what mamma is doing...my mamma did it to me growing up and i did it for a while with my kids when their dad and i got divorced...like i told my kids..."at least i gave yall some good material for your therapists"

pray in your closet, pray with your mamma, pray with the kids...when talkin with mom, acknowledge her committment to her grand kids...encourage her...give her some little tips about dealing with those little fires...send her a note or card once in a while just because...let her know the great job she's done with you and how well you're living...just try to build her up a tiny bit at a time...i know you may feel you've done all you can, but these 21 century mammas are nothing but big ole babies themselves...and still need their boo boos kissed...

just my two cents...be encouraged and remain prayful in all things...

Frankie, I think its a habit that people do in anger. I know I've even done it to y hubby and I feel bad enough and we're both adults. However, I know what my nephews feel because she did it to us when we were growing up.

But I will take your addvice and send her soething special next week.

When Mom decided to take on this challenge...and that is what it is...she chose to take the good with the bad, including dealing with regular childhood mishaps like bad grades or even a kid breaking curfew.
Some things will just happen.
She knew the kids parent(s) was in the street/ill/on drugs when she took them in. For what reason does the child need to go find them?

My point is...what is the point for her comment?
What does she really want to say?
None of us can take on or take in a matter, that is really the primary duty of another...and then, think cause we did it to help/for the glory of God/to be a good mother/cause we wanted recognition...that it would reduce the amount of pain to be inflicted.
With children dealing with this emotional truama/separation, it will be increased. They suffer too, even in spite of her efforts. Trust and believe, this is not their ideal set up...ok.

Momma needs some outlets, even if only verbal ones, but the kids are not the place to lay that burden. As her daughter, you can respectfully redirect her to her goal when she took on the role of primary care giver. Let her be mad. Did you tell the truth?

Sometimes, we have to stand up for righteousness even if we stand against our parent.


Wish ya well

Nia

Thanks Nia. I think for her its jst needing that outlet because since we live so far away she has no one to help her so she's with the kids all the time and she did make the committment but I don't think she knew how difficult it was going to be with no help.

We only have 7 weeks until we get them so I hope they last for awhile.

First I want to say that I see how this is definitely a cycle, and apart of your mother behavior',s it sounds like when she gets upset this is what she reverts to saying to you when you were going up and now to the boys, you all definitely need some counseling because she need to know the affects of the verbal abuse and learn how to think of other avenues to take when she gets angry at the children, I'll be praying for you all !

thanks zee!

Good Morning ATL Diva,

Let your mom be mad. She's only mad because you told her the truth and the truth hurts. I had almost the same situation with my mom. She had a foster son (who was 11) and she treated that boy so wrong. She would tell him he's stupid (for getting bad grades). She told him his mama didn't want him all kinds of negative things.

So what did Chocolatedyce do...I told her the same thing like you told your mom. I told her if she didn't want him to give him back.  We got into a big argument and when I got to work I called "the people" on her. Sure did!! 

If your not going to raise a child (that's not yours) and love them and let them know that someone in this world still loves them, and that their is still hope dont get involved!!!

Keep telling your mom how you feel about the situation. If all fails its probably best if she just gives them back to your brother!

Thanks T!  My mo LOVES those boys and would walk tghrough hot coals for them and they are SPOILED rotten what 5 year old you know that has a cell phone?) but its like when they disappoint her or doont do things right she takes that personal like if you appreciated me andthe things I do you wouldn't mess up and if you not going to do right then go be with the other parent who will do less for you. 

I spoke to my brother and its almost like she doesn't know what unconditional love is and I had to go through YEARS of therapy about that thang. ABecause if I dn't do exactly what you say, exactly how you want it then it means I don't appreciate the love you giving to me. WHich for me I got into  a LOT of bad relationships with males and females as I "people pleased" to show my love because if I disagreed with them or didn't do what they wanted me to do it meant I didn't love them. Yeah that thing was deep for me. And you guessed it was so miserable, that I gained 100 lbs.

My mother is a great mom,grandparent, and person. Its just she has her own issues from her childhood and I think she got mad because she would give her life for those boys and didn't realize that she was causing har with he rwords like her om had done to her.